SBCEJM -Chapter 13 The Egg-Incubating Vice Minister’s Public Humiliation: “Your Majesty, My Egg… Cracked!”

【What exactly is hidden in his sleeve? Gold? Silver? Or snacks he smuggled into court?】

The system struggled to hold back its laughter, its voice practically warping.

【Host, your imagination is too limited.】

【He’s… incubating an egg.】

Feng Zexuan: 【???】

Her expression froze instantly.

【What the hell?! Incubating an egg?!】

【During court?! Inside the Golden Throne Hall?!】

Feng Zexuan nearly popped her eyes out. This level of absurdity had completely exceeded her imagination.

【Does he think he’s a mother hen?! What kind of performance art is this?!】

The officials had only just barely recovered from the shock of Zhang Tai’s case when the words “incubating an egg” suddenly hit them like lightning, leaving the entire court petrified.

What?

Incubating an egg?

Who? Where? In the Golden Throne Hall?!

Following Feng Zexuan’s gaze almost instinctively, all eyes landed squarely on Vice Minister of Rites Liu Hong.

Liu Hong, the court official usually most meticulous about etiquette and decorum, was currently concentrating with utmost seriousness on warming the “treasure” hidden inside his sleeve with his body heat.

Suddenly becoming the center of attention, he jolted in fright.

He stood there stiffly, clutching his sleeve protectively, too scared to move.

No way…

Could it really be my turn now?

On the dragon throne, Xiao Juechen also furrowed his brows deeply, temporarily suppressing the towering fury brought on by Zhang Tai’s case.

A Vice Minister of Rites… incubating eggs?

What kind of ridiculous nonsense was this now?!

What exactly had happened to his court?

The system dutifully began spilling the gossip at rapid-fire speed:

【Host, don’t underestimate Lord Liu! In the world of egg incubation, he’s basically a grandmaster!】

【Ever since childhood, he’s been obsessed with hens hatching eggs. At age seven, he imitated a mother hen and successfully hatched his first chick using his own body heat!】

【From that day on, he completely lost control and embarked on the ultimate lifestyle of becoming one with his eggs anytime and anywhere!】

Feng Zexuan listened in utter disbelief.

【A true talent! What kind of perseverance is this? What kind of spirit? The Great Xia Dynasty’s Edison?】

【If he’d applied this determination to proper work, he’d already be Grand Secretary by now!】

The system continued enthusiastically:

【Lord Liu’s body temperature is naturally one degree higher than normal people’s. He was born to incubate eggs! His success rate is over ninety percent!】

【Now he incubates while eating, while sleeping—even during court sessions!】

【See those careful little movements earlier? He was turning the egg over!】

【To make sure it heats evenly, he rotates it once every incense stick’s worth of time. He’s more punctual about that than reviewing official documents!】

Feng Zexuan’s expression had completely shattered.

【Holy crap! Professional! Too professional!】

【He’s a Vice Minister of Rites, but instead of studying ceremonial law, he spends every day researching how to become a mother hen?】

【Does this count as the highest realm of neglecting one’s duties?】

Several younger officials in court were already shaking with suppressed laughter, their faces flushed dark red.

Human incubation?

And flipping the eggs too?

Lord Liu, are you attending court or running a poultry farm?

At this moment, Liu Hong wanted nothing more than to die.

He felt exactly like the egg he was incubating—being roasted alive over the flames of public scrutiny.

Social death!

Complete and utter social death!

In front of the emperor and the entire court, his greatest secret, his most obsessive hobby, had been exposed just like that!

The dignity of the Vice Minister of Rites had shattered into pieces.

Feng Zexuan’s commentary continued, quickly locking onto another key issue.

【But if he’s this obsessed with incubating eggs, doesn’t his family care? Can his wife really tolerate it? Sleeping next to eggs every night?】

The system chuckled mischievously before dropping an even juicier bombshell:

【Tolerate it? His wife stopped tolerating it ages ago!】

【For the sake of incubating eggs, Lord Liu has slept in separate rooms from his wife for ten whole years! He was afraid she’d accidentally crush his precious eggs in her sleep!】

【His heart contains only eggs. His eyes see only eggs. He’s colder to his wife than refrigerated yolks.】

【So…】

Feng Zexuan instantly understood:

【So after Zhou Huaili, he’s another king of cuckolds?】

The system snorted.

【King of cuckolds? He’s the wholesale supplier of green hats! Lifetime honorary VIP of green grassland!】

【His wife, unable to endure the loneliness, has kept seven or eight lovers outside over the years! Guards, servants, actors, even monks—she’s got the full collection!】

【The backyard of the Liu residence is way livelier than his sleeves!】

【The green hat on his head could stack higher than the beams of this Golden Throne Hall!】

Pfft—

This time, even the usually stern and rigid Censor-in-Chief Zhao Xian failed to hold it in and burst out laughing.

Ten years!

Seven or eight lovers!

Lord Liu really had a broad mind!

For the sake of incubating eggs, he abandoned both his wife and his dignity as a man!

The officials looked at Liu Hong with eyes full of sympathy, contempt, and… a strange trace of admiration.

Brother, your sacrifice is truly enormous!

Liu Hong’s vision darkened repeatedly, and he nearly fainted on the spot.

He wasn’t afraid of losing his office.

He wasn’t afraid of execution.

But he was terrified of becoming a laughingstock.

He, the Vice Minister of Rites responsible for managing etiquette across the realm, had become the biggest joke in the empire!

Meanwhile, Feng Zexuan was thoroughly entertained.

【As bizarre as this is, it actually sounds kind of fun! I kinda want to try incubating one myself!】

The system immediately objected:

【Don’t! Egg incubation requires constant temperature and humidity. The technical requirements are extremely high!】

Feng Zexuan: 【Fine, I was only thinking about it.】

【But honestly, he and his wife are pretty well matched.】

【One loves hatching, the other loves cheating. They each do their own thing in perfect harmony. Neither has any right to judge the other.】

Hearing this, Liu Hong finally regained a tiny bit of composure.

Exactly!

My hobby is just a little unusual!

I never embezzled money! I never killed innocent people! My crimes don’t deserve death!

However, the system’s voice rang out again like the bell of doom, shattering his final illusion.

【Host, do you think he only incubates ordinary chicken and duck eggs?】

Feng Zexuan paused.

【Otherwise? Don’t tell me he’s trying to hatch dinosaur eggs?】

The system’s tone suddenly turned cold.

【At first, he only incubated poultry eggs. But later, he began seeking excitement and challenging higher difficulties!】

【Peacock eggs, swan eggs—even flamingo eggs imported as tribute from the Western Regions!】

【Every single one of those eggs is priceless. How many could his salary possibly afford?】

Feng Zexuan instantly became alert.

【You mean… he embezzled public funds? Or accepted bribes?】

The system replied:

【No. Many of those valuable eggs were stolen!】

【The worst case was when he actually dared to swap out sacrificial offerings!】

【During last year’s Winter Solstice Heaven Worship Ceremony, the auspicious white pheasant specially brought from the Southern Borders by imperial command was secretly replaced by an ordinary white-feathered chicken!】

【The real auspicious white pheasant was stolen back to his home so he could… breed it for eggs!】

Feng Zexuan sucked in a sharp breath.

【Holy shit!!!】

【Tampering with sacrificial offerings? That’s deceiving the emperor and desecrating the gods! That’s a capital crime!】

【Just for an egg, he doesn’t even care about his own life anymore?! His love for eggs is real!】

If incubating eggs had merely been a matter of questionable personal morals and ridicule…

Then swapping out sacred offerings was a crime that shook the very foundations of the state.

Unforgivable.

Xiao Juechen’s face instantly darkened like the bottom of a pot, rage surging through his eyes.

So that was why!

No wonder the nation’s fortune had declined after last year’s Winter Solstice ceremony—first snow disasters, then plague!

He had thought it was because his sincerity had offended the heavens.

But it turned out this “egg-incubating maniac” had switched the offerings!

Using some lousy chicken to worship heaven?

Was this man treating him, the emperor, as a fool? Treating the empire itself as a joke?!

“LIU—HONG!!!”

Xiao Juechen roared thunderously, slamming the dragon throne’s armrest with a deafening bang.

“The audacity you possess is truly enormous!”

Already on the verge of collapse, Liu Hong was frightened out of his soul by the furious roar. His hand trembled weakly.

Plop.

A soft sound echoed through the silent court with startling clarity.

A warm greenish bird egg, already covered in tiny cracks, rolled out from his sleeve.

Crack.

The egg smashed against the hard, icy golden floor tiles.

Egg liquid splattered everywhere, and within it could even be seen the tiny, not-yet-fully-formed chick inside.

Liu Hong’s eyes widened instantly as he stared blankly at the mess on the floor.

That was his precious treasure he had incubated for over twenty days!

“N-No… my egg!”

Liu Hong let out a heart-wrenching wail and collapsed to his knees, tears and snot pouring down instantly.

“Your Majesty! My egg… cracked!”