HDRDTH -Chapter 7 Master, You’re Using a Toilet Plunger to Slay Dragons?

On the balcony of the rental apartment, flames flickered wildly.

“Fsssh—”

Wearing work gloves, Yu Xian held a lighter under a black toilet plunger stained with years of grime, scorching it relentlessly.

Su Wanyi waved away the smoke in front of her face, still clutching the priceless S-rank contract in her hand. Her whole worldview was cracking apart.

“Little Yu, what are you doing? That’s for unclogging drains!”

“Quiet.”

Without even turning around, Yu Xian focused with the intensity of someone building a lithography machine.

“This plastic’s toughness isn’t good enough. Need to heat it properly before it’s suitable for fishing.”

“Fishing?” Su Wanyi coughed twice from the smoke. “You’re burning a toilet plunger… to go fishing?”

“Problem?”

Yu Xian shook the long blackened object in his hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“My real rod hasn’t arrived yet, so I need a backup. Fishing’s all about feel. Anything can be used as a rod.”

Su Wanyi shut up.

If this had been yesterday, she would’ve already called the police.

But now…

This man could turn charcoal into gourmet cuisine, solve advanced calculus with chalk, and write hit songs on cigarette packs.

If he said this thing was a fishing rod, then maybe it really was Jiang Ziya’s legendary demon-whipping staff.

“That contract…” Su Wanyi spoke carefully. “The twenty-thousand deposit arrives tomorrow. Should we move?”

“No.”

Yu Xian filed down the handle lazily without lifting his eyelids.

“Moving’s tiring. Too noisy. Interrupts my sleep. Better to save the money for premium bait. This crappy place has a nice lived-in atmosphere.”

Before he even finished speaking—

The alley downstairs suddenly exploded into chaos.

“Holy crap! A Mercedes! An S320!”

“Whose relative is this? Why’d they park under our trash building?”

Then came knocking on the shaky security door.

Knock knock knock.

Su Wanyi tensed instantly.

Yu Xian casually pointed his freshly-made “fishing rod” toward the door.

“Open it. The guy delivering his head… ah no, delivering money is here.”

The door opened, and a mountain of flesh squeezed inside.

Wang Dafu entered with a face full of smiles, his suit soaked with sweat. He carried two boxes of premium wild ginseng and bottles of top-tier Moutai liquor, looking like he wanted to kneel the moment he stepped in.

“Hello, sister-in-law! Master! Master, save me!”

At a glance, he spotted Yu Xian on the balcony.

Under the moonlight, Yu Xian held a charred black rod-shaped weapon radiating a burnt smell, slicing through the air with it.

Whoosh—

The sharp sound of it cutting through the air was terrifying.

Wang Dafu’s knees nearly buckled on the spot.

That murderous aura! That appearance!

This had to be a legendary magical artifact!

“You’re here?”

Yu Xian casually planted the still-hot rod onto the floor with a dull thud.

“Master!” Wang Dafu placed down the gifts, eyes blazing with fanaticism. “Amazing! Absolutely amazing! Last night my back hurt so badly I rolled on the floor. I went to the hospital, and the doctor said word-for-word—kidney qi deficiency, absolutely no seafood! Exactly what you said!”

Su Wanyi listened from the side, utterly stunned.

Yu Xian leaned back in disgust.

“So? You came here in the middle of the night just to tell me you’re bad in bed?”

“No, no, there’s something even bigger!”

Wang Dafu lowered his voice, face filled with fear.

“The ‘Golden Water Bay’ project I’m developing in the western suburbs is cursed! Excavators break down as soon as they enter the site, workers get mysterious fevers, and some people even hear ghostly crying! Master, I’ve invested my entire fortune into this project—it can’t stop!”

Trembling, he pulled out a wrinkled blueprint and respectfully handed it over with both hands.

“Please, Master, show me the way!”

Yu Xian glanced at the plans.

Golden Water Bay.

In his previous life, it had become Jiangcheng’s ultimate fishing paradise—the homeland of giant topmouth culter fish and grass carp.

But this blueprint was absolute garbage.

“Pen.”

Yu Xian took the red marker Su Qian had left behind and frowned deeply.

If they built it according to these plans, the entire place would become stagnant water. How were fish supposed to survive?

“Here.” Yu Xian crossed out the north side of the central lake island. “You want to fill this in and make a viewing platform? Are you brain-damaged? Dig it open! Push fifty meters inward and plant reeds!”

That would become the future golden fishing spot where fish loved to hide.

Wang Dafu’s eyes widened.

“Th-this… what’s the meaning behind it?”

“You can’t raise good things in dead water.”

Yu Xian couldn’t be bothered explaining dissolved oxygen levels, so he casually made something up.

“If the water doesn’t flow, it rots.”

Then he drew another circle on the island.

“Forget this crappy pavilion. Build a wooden cabin instead. Leave a back door leading directly to the water and lay down softer grass.”

That was actually the VIP napping area he’d reserved for himself.

“And this.” He tapped the underground river outlet with the pen. “Block the chemical factory’s sewage pipe nearby. Or divert it downstream for treatment. Dirty stuff entering the lake ruins the feng shui.”

Mainly because he didn’t want fish tasting like kerosene.

A few strokes later, the blueprint looked completely different.

Yu Xian tossed down the pen.

“Do it this way. Don’t disturb the earth, don’t disturb the evil.”

Wang Dafu held the blueprint with trembling hands, so excited his face turned red.

“Reeds gathering qi and hiding the wind! Wooden cabin suppressing the formation core! Diverting pollution to cleanse impurity!”

He slapped his thigh violently.

“Brilliant! Truly brilliant! This is a grand ‘Azure Dragon Drinking Water’ formation! Master, you’re giving life to dead land!”

Yu Xian: “…Sure. Whatever you say.”

“Master!”

Wang Dafu suddenly pulled out a golden set of keys and respectfully placed them on the coffee table.

“This is the spare key to Villa Number One at Golden Water Bay. It’s directly opposite the lake island, fully furnished already. Please… you must stay there!”

“Stay there?” Yu Xian raised an eyebrow.

“Temporarily borrow it! For your cultivation!” Wang Dafu said sincerely. “A feng shui formation this huge needs someone powerful to suppress it. If you live there, you can help stabilize the evil energy! Property fees, water, electricity—all covered! I’ll even hire cleaners for you!”

Yu Xian stared at the keys.

Step outside and there’s a lake.

Step inside and there’s a bed.

No utility bills.

Wasn’t this basically his dream house?

“Fine.”

Yu Xian pocketed the keys without the slightest hesitation.

“I’ll reluctantly go help you sleep there… I mean suppress the evil for a few days.”

“Thank you, Master! Merciful Master!”

Wang Dafu clasped his hands together gratefully, almost in tears.

Before leaving, his gaze stuck once again to the black rod nearby.

He swallowed nervously.

“Master… does this magical artifact have a name?”

Yu Xian casually swung it once.

WHOOOSH—

The piercing shriek cut through the air.

“It’s called the Dragon-Subduing Whip,” Yu Xian said with a perfectly serious face while making things up on the spot. “Specialized in beating murky energy. If anyone at the construction site dares mess around, I’ll use this to clear out their brains.”

A cold breeze swept across the back of Wang Dafu’s neck.

He nodded frantically.

“Understood! Understood! If anyone disobeys, I’ll whip them for you first!”

After sending Wang Dafu away—

Su Wanyi stared at the two bottles of Moutai, then at the bulging keys in Yu Xian’s pocket, feeling like her worldview had completely collapsed.

A few circles on paper.

Some blueprint edits.

And now they had a villa?

“We… really have a villa now?”

“Just borrowing it.”

Yu Xian tossed the “Dragon-Subduing Whip” into the corner and yawned.

“Pack up. We move tomorrow.”

“Didn’t you just say we weren’t moving?”

“Different circumstances.”

Yu Xian glanced outside in disgust.

“That fat guy shouted so loudly the whole building now knows there’s a ‘master’ living here. Tomorrow there’ll definitely be crowds asking me for lottery numbers. I hate people staring at me.”

He turned and walked toward the bedroom, steps lazy and unsteady, still looking half asleep.

“The villa’s near the lake. Quiet. Oh, and bring the frozen meat from the fridge tomorrow morning. I’m testing the new rod.”

“…”

Su Wanyi watched his back with a complicated yet burning gaze.

This man kept saying he only wanted to sleep and fish.

But with a few casual moves, he landed a million-dollar contract, solved someone’s life-or-death crisis, and freeloaded an entire villa.

How was this a salted fish?

This was clearly a hidden dragon waiting beneath the abyss.

Inside the bedroom—

Yu Xian collapsed into bed and rubbed comfortably against the pillow.

Villa secured.

Fishing spot secured.

Long-term meal ticket secured.

As long as Su Qian became famous and he achieved complete financial freedom, this laid-back life would finally—

“Phew…”

He fell asleep in three seconds.

…

On the other side of the city, lights blazed brightly.

Top-floor office of Starlight Records.

Yang Wei removed his headphones, his hands trembling slightly.

Su Qian’s demo of Invisible Wings had already looped more than twenty times.

“President Yang, the promotion department’s budget…”

“Double it!”

Yang Wei crushed out his cigarette viciously, eyes fierce.

“Spread the word. Pull all resources from every rookie artist next quarter! Put everything into Su Qian! Within one week, I want everyone—from eighty-year-old grannies to three-year-old kids—humming this song!”

The assistant was stunned.

“A-all of it?”

“And another thing!”

Yang Wei picked up the contract signed with that ugly crooked signature and stared hard at the name “Yu Xian.”

“Investigate this man. Dig up everything, even the color of his underwear!”

“He said there are hundreds of songs in his head… I don’t care what it takes. Steal, rob, kneel—whatever! I want everything inside that brain!”

A storm was brewing.

And the man at the center of the storm rolled over in his sleep and mumbled:

“Damn it… another day with no catch… maybe I should try red worms next time…”