EMHTC -Chapter 45 Don’t Ask! The Answer Is Always the Mighty Imperial Guards…

“Do I look like someone who needs a single copper coin?!”

The old emperor raised his foot and kicked the general.

It wasn’t hard, but the general deliberately fell, flamboyantly performing a comedic stunt to amuse the emperor.

The old emperor turned his head, only to see Xu Yanmiao’s clear eyes filled with astonishment.

“At least… at least…” The old emperor opened his mouth, then closed it, and after a moment, he tried again: “At least the crown prince didn’t come…”

Xu Yanmiao blinked: 【Ah! The crown prince! I almost forgot about him…】

Seeing that Xu Yanmiao was about to communicate with the divine artifact again, the old emperor’s face turned emotionless.

Enough! I don’t want to know where the crown prince is or who he’s pretending to be right now!

He patted Xu Yanmiao on the shoulder with a strained smile: “What are you standing there for? Didn’t you want to see it? Today, I’ll let you have your fill.”

The county magistrate of Yanshi, who had been silently following the old emperor with his head down, nearly dropped his jaw.

—He had already been shocked once earlier while watching the peculiar antics of the capital’s officials.

Help! Why are these high-ranking officials so different from what I imagined? Shouldn’t they stride like dragons and tigers, exuding dignity, with every word discussing the affairs of the nation and every smile hiding profound meaning?

Now he was even more puzzled—what was so special about this young man that the emperor would pat him on the shoulder and speak to him so amiably?

Xu Yanmiao didn’t think much of it. After all, the old emperor had always acted like this around him. His focus quickly shifted from the crown prince to the stone stele. His eyes darted in its direction, and after a moment of thought, he took a step forward.

【Whether the old emperor is killing the chicken to warn the monkey or simply throwing caution to the wind, I still have to do this. Just relax and go check out the stele!】

With this mindset, Xu Yanmiao felt more at ease. His strides became firm and confident as he passed through the unusually quiet officials, heading toward the “Life” stele.

The old emperor glanced around. “Let’s move,” he said, then followed suit.

The general on the ground performed a miraculous recovery, springing to his feet despite his earlier “injury.” He crouched down, carefully picked up the copper coin, cleaned it, and tucked it into his pocket.

The Minister of Personnel hoisted his sugar-coated hawthorn skewer stall onto his shoulder, reluctantly resisting the urge to call out for more customers.

The Minister of War casually removed the flower tucked behind his ear and placed it back into the flower basket. He carried the basket on his arm and continued walking—it hadn’t been easy to gather this many flowers during the second day of the Lunar New Year.

The Minister of Justice rolled up the banner from his fortune-telling stall and gazed pensively at the bamboo chair. After a moment of thought, he decided to leave it there. If it was still there when they returned, he’d take it; if not, so be it.

The other officials also put away their tricks and obediently followed the emperor.

Then, in front of the “Life” stele, they saw a man pacing around, poking and prodding at the stele.

“Can this really make someone miraculously conceive? I don’t believe it! Let me poke it again! Poke it again!”

Standing beside him was the crown prince’s personal attendant, as rigid and serious as always. Though he was clearly anxious, he didn’t know how to stop his master and could only dryly call out, “My lord!”

The crown prince didn’t even turn his head: “Ah, don’t call me. I’m studying how this Guanyin statue grants children…”

“Have you figured it out?”

“Not yet. But the calligraphy on this stele is pretty good…”

The crown prince suddenly noticed his usually wooden and hierarchical attendant tugging at his sleeve with an unusual boldness. He immediately sensed something was off. Turning around, he saw the emperor and forced a sheepish smile.

“…Father.”

The old emperor was livid. “You got here pretty fast.”

The crown prince chuckled dryly. “I walked straight in without any disguise, so it was quicker.”

The officials: “…”

So the crown prince had already seen through their disguises?

Fine. Let him see through them. After all, they weren’t the emperor’s biological children and didn’t dare to brazenly watch the spectacle.

Xu Yanmiao’s eyes suddenly lit up.

【Thank goodness! Seeing everyone else in disguise while I strolled in openly, I felt a bit foolish. But now I realize the crown prince came in unmasked too!】

The officials fell silent again.

They wanted to point out that the crown prince could afford to act this way because he was the emperor’s favorite and had no fear of losing his position. Then again, Xu Yanmiao also seemed to hold a special place in the emperor’s heart, so… never mind.

The old emperor waved everyone aside. Several imperial guards quickly formed two lines, lit torches, and illuminated the “Life” stele in vivid detail.

The county magistrate of Yanshi felt his mind race in a thousand directions, sweating nervously.

The old emperor, however, took his time admiring the stele.

It was a massive “Life” character, about the height of a person, with a base connecting it to its pedestal.

The handwriting was unmistakably his own. Some parts of the stele had turned black, which, with his extensive experience, the old emperor recognized as the result of either smoke damage or the heavy wear from countless touches over time.

…He didn’t even want to think about how many people had come to touch this stele, hoping to receive blessings from “Guanyin the Child-Giver.”

The county magistrate of Yanshi took a small step forward and whispered, “Your Majesty, ever since this stele was erected, many people have come from neighboring counties to see it. The county’s commercial taxes have increased by half a percentage point.”

—After all, this was the emperor’s calligraphy!

This hit the old emperor’s weak spot.

If a single stele could boost one county’s revenue by half a percentage point, what if every county in the empire had one? Wouldn’t the tax revenue of the entire kingdom soar?

Picturing this golden future, the old emperor felt a rare sense of joy welling up inside. But he quickly shook his head.

Scarcity makes things valuable. If every county had one, it would lose its significance. Better to keep it as a unique piece.

Placing his hand on the “Life” stele, the old emperor couldn’t help but admire it. Turning to the county magistrate, he said, “Since the people love it so much, let it stay.”

The elderly censor quickly chimed in with flattery: “Your Majesty is truly sharing the joys of the people!”

The old emperor laughed heartily but suddenly paused, turning to look at Xu Yanmiao. His gaze lingered so long that Xu Yanmiao began to worry he’d made a mistake.

Finally, the emperor relaxed and resumed laughing.

He was scared!

Scared that the moment he felt happy, Xu Yanmiao would say something to ruin the mood.

Fortunately, this time the rascal had done something proper, allowing the emperor to enjoy his laughter in peace. For a moment, he even felt a strange sense of relief.

With rare kindness, the emperor addressed Xu Yanmiao: “Xu Yanmiao, go back and rest well. Tomorrow, we’ll continue our journey.”

The next day, the Emperor’s grand ship departed, and only then did the county magistrate of Yanshi County heave a sigh of relief.

Although he hadn’t done anything wrong, he was still uneasy about the Emperor staying in his jurisdiction. It was better that he left.

The ship sailed to Gong County, where it stayed for half a day before moving on to Si Shui County. Some might not recognize the name Si Shui County, but its neighboring Hulao Pass was famously renowned.

The saying, “One man holding a spear can deter a hundred,” praised the strategic and treacherous terrain of Hulao Pass.

This time, the group stayed for five days. Officials from the Ministry of Works thoroughly inspected and repaired Hulao Pass before the entourage continued its journey.

Surprisingly, this leg of the journey was taken by carriage instead of ship.

The local officials murmured among themselves, “Where could they be headed?”

Zhengzhou, located near Hulao Pass, was overseen by a cheerful governor who walked in from the outskirts of the crowd and addressed the county magistrate of Xingyang County under his jurisdiction: “Liangzhai, I’ve found you a great opportunity! How do you plan to thank me?”

The Xingyang County magistrate looked up in shock. “What great opportunity?”

“Well,” said the governor, his tone full of self-satisfaction, “I happen to have some history with His Majesty. He summoned me for a conversation about old times, and I made sure to bring you up. Didn’t you say your wife makes an exceptional bowl of gēda soup? Let me tell you, His Majesty has a particular fondness for that dish!

I also praised you for being exceptionally close to the people. Even as a county official, you’ve never indulged in extravagance. Ever since your appointment, you’ve governed with calmness and fairness, worked diligently, and cared for the people.”

“Initially, the Emperor’s procession wasn’t planning to visit Xingyang County, but once I described you and your wife’s cooking, the route was altered. They’re coming to Xingyang County… just to taste a bowl of your wife’s rustic gēda soup!”

“How about that? Exciting, isn’t it? This is imperial favor!”

“Liangzhai? Liangzhai? Why aren’t you smiling?”

The Xingyang County magistrate stiffly looked away and replied, “Your Excellency’s grace… I am merely a humble official of low rank. Upon hearing that His Majesty will visit my modest home, I am filled with both dread and exhilaration. I don’t know how to face this honor.”

The governor of Zhengzhou burst into hearty laughter. “Liangzhai, relax! His Majesty isn’t as fearsome as you think. As long as you’re a capable and honest official, you’ll earn his favor, even without flowery words.

Look at the magistrate of Yanshi County—he made that ‘Life’ Stele, used it as a gimmick, and even marketed it under His Majesty’s name. When the Emperor heard it was generating revenue, he didn’t even pursue the matter. You’re much better than that!”

The county magistrate of Xingyang was still quite anxious. When the Emperor’s traveling court stopped in Xingyang, the exhaustion on the magistrate’s face was plain to see.

“Is your wife from a family of officials?” The old Emperor sat in the magistrate’s home, his gaze filled with curiosity. “A lady from an official’s family, who is especially skilled at making gēda soup?”

Not the kind made with pork bones, fresh fish, or ribs, which wealthy families might enjoy during winter for novelty, but the humble kind—made by poor households using simple flour lumps, wild greens, and a pinch of salt, serving as both a staple and a soup.

Was he being deceived?

At this moment, the magistrate of Xingyang appeared remarkably composed. “Your Majesty…” In private, he could use this title without fear of exposing the Emperor’s identity. “I, too, am unsure why my wife’s gēda soup is especially delicious. Perhaps she has had some experience… I have already informed her. Upon hearing that Your Majesty enjoys it, she was so delighted she rushed to the kitchen without even changing her clothes.”

The old Emperor chuckled. “Then I shall wait.”

In the inner courtyard, the county magistrate’s wife’s pupils trembled slightly from shock. “My husband asked me to make gēda soup? But… I don’t know how!”

Even if they wanted to show the Emperor that they hadn’t forgotten their roots, wasn’t this a bit too much?

The magistrate’s wife thought for a moment and sighed. “Still, my husband probably didn’t expect His Majesty to take him so seriously.”

But… she truly didn’t know how to make gēda soup! She had heard that every step of its preparation would be closely monitored by the Jinyiwei to prevent any mishaps, so she couldn’t even delegate the task to someone else.

The maid who came to report quietly said, “Master instructed that the cook in the small kitchen knows how to make gēda soup. She can assist.”

“A cook?”

Seeing that the lady didn’t remember, the maid reminded her, “Master received kindness in the countryside before. That cook is the old wife of his neighbor. She’s the one who struggles to recognize faces. Years ago, she was specially invited to make postpartum soup for you, Madam. She ended up staying on afterward.”

“Oh, her!” The magistrate’s wife suddenly understood and then proceeded to make a large pot of gēda soup together with the cook—primarily to give the cook more work.

Following the cook’s suggestion, she paired it with steamed cornbread and presented it to the Emperor.

Several accompanying officials also got a small bowl each, including the unlucky Baize, who had been dragged along.

The old Emperor ate two big bowls of gēda soup with cornbread, wiped his mouth, and praised, “Yes! This is the taste! This is authentic peasant food. Regular folks wouldn’t think of pairing gēda soup with cornbread.”

The old Emperor was very pleased.

Before coming, he had worried that this might be another attempt at flattery. But now, he realized that the magistrate of Xingyang County lived like this regularly.

He glanced at Baize, who was eating the gēda soup slowly, his face scrunched up, and couldn’t help but laugh, calling out, “Xu Yanmiao.”

【This is why I don’t like eating with the boss…】

The old Emperor pretended not to hear and added in a seemingly amiable tone, “Not used to it, huh? Such coarse food.”

Xu Yanmiao tried to explain, “I’ve had gēda soup before…”

The old Emperor chuckled even more. “You? What you’ve had must’ve been the kind made with refined white flour and paired with a variety of delicious ingredients.”

Thinking about modern gēda soup, Xu Yanmiao nodded.

The old Emperor burst out laughing, rubbing his belly. “Young people like you just can’t endure hardships. You complain about this and that. If you were starving, even roasted leaves would taste good.”

Xu Yanmiao smiled and said, “Your Majesty is right. This humble servant is indeed spoiled.”

【The old Emperor is so hard to please.】

The old Emperor choked on his laughter.

Every time Xu Yanmiao mentally criticized him, it left the Emperor particularly irked.

Perhaps that’s why the Emperor always wanted to mess with Xu Yanmiao whenever he had the chance—just to regain some pride.

【If life can be good, who would willingly endure hardship? Even the magistrate of Xingyang County finds it hard to eat this stuff.】

The old Emperor’s gaze shifted to the magistrate and noticed his veins popping on his forehead as he chewed the gēda soup. The strain in his jaw muscles was unmistakable.

If someone ate food like this regularly, they wouldn’t have such a reaction.

【Strange. If the magistrate finds it unappetizing, why did he once tell the prefect of Zhengzhou that his wife’s gēda soup was excellent… Oh, that was five years ago.】

【Well, that makes sense. Five years of living in luxury—it’s normal to find it unbearable now.】

【He only mentioned it once, but the prefect remembered it so clearly? Could it be because the magistrate joked that eating gēda soup was like “a mountain boar eating fine grain”?】

The old Emperor: “…”

He suddenly felt personally attacked.

His gaze toward the magistrate of Xingyang County turned sour.

【Who are you calling a mountain boar?!】

【And he even told his wife never to make gēda soup again. He said that after achieving success, no one would want to eat such pig feed…” Fortunately, the old Emperor didn’t know about that.】

The old Emperor’s face tightened, his smile vanishing.

The other officials buried their heads in their bowls, eating the gēda soup as if it were a delicacy, not daring to look up.

Oblivious to the tense atmosphere, the magistrate continued his struggle against the “authentic” gēda soup, clenching his teeth as he ate.

【Wait a second? The earlier description…】

【Did the maid tell the lady that the Emperor wanted her gēda soup and asked her to find another woman to help? Why did it later refer to that woman as the cook in parentheses?】

【Let me check…】

Xu Yanmiao’s inner voice suddenly went, 【Aha!】

【What a Tang Monk’s fake father situation!】

The old Emperor: “???”

What nonsense is this?

【Wow! The person originally assigned to be the magistrate of Xingyang County died en route, and this guy, who happened to share the same lodging, took his credentials and assumed his position!】

The Crown Prince, who had been quietly eating, perked up at the mention of this juicy tidbit, raising his head with a bright smile, staring intently at the magistrate.

Impersonation! A storyline straight out of a drama, now happening in real life!

How exciting!!!

The accompanying officials, struggling to maintain composure, couldn’t resist sneaking glances at the magistrate. The curiosity was overwhelming. Impersonation! Married two wives! And one of them was now working as the cook for the other!

What kind of story was this?!

Xu Yanmiao suddenly snapped back to reality, startled.

【Why does the old Emperor look so grim, as if water could be wrung from his face? Did he notice the veins on the magistrate’s forehead?】

The old Emperor summoned his ever-resourceful Jinyiwei—the newly appointed commander. The former commander had been reassigned to a censor position in Jibei to gather intelligence.

The Emperor gave a low-key order.

The commander left and returned half an hour later, bringing with him the lady of the magistrate’s house and the cook.

In that half-hour, the magistrate had realized something was wrong. Sitting stiffly, his face grew paler by the minute.

The all-capable Jinyiwei declared, “Your Majesty, it has been confirmed—the magistrate of Xingyang County is an impostor!” (Though, in truth, they’d just pretended to examine the archives to kill time.)

Meanwhile, Xu Yanmiao’s inner voice exclaimed: 【Wow! The Jinyiwei really are impressive! It’s said that if they’re around, the Emperor can know even the color of a minister’s underpants!】

The commander: “…”

It’s not that exaggerated. We Jinyiwei are just spies. And His Majesty isn’t so perverse as to care about underpants.

When the magistrate’s wife heard the report, she looked at her husband with disbelief, mixed with trepidation and suspicion. “Say something, my lord!”

The magistrate, his face contorted, didn’t dare utter a word.

Xu Yanmiao glanced sympathetically at one wife, then at the other, equally sympathetic. 【He wouldn’t dare speak. The cook is his first wife. Although she has face blindness, she recognizes his voice.】

【I can’t tell if he’s sentimental or heartless. If he were sentimental, why marry another? But if not, why didn’t he just get rid of the first wife instead of bringing her along?】

The commander of the Jinyiwei quickly added, “Madam, you may not be aware that this cook is his first wife, originally his legitimate spouse.”

The cook was horrified. “Sirs! Please don’t joke! My man is just the master’s servant! The master trusts him so much, always sending him on errands. We’ve been here for five years, and we’ve hardly spent a few proper nights together!”

The magistrate quietly covered his face with his sleeve.

【Truly despicable. He pretended to be the magistrate’s servant and told his first wife, ‘I’ve found you a job at the magistrate’s house as a cook. They’ll provide food and lodging, and you’ll earn four taels of silver a year.’ And the wife happily went, thinking she was helping support the family.】

【She even felt proud, thinking she was providing for them.】

“Pfft—”

The Crown Prince choked on his soup, turning away to cough violently.

What on earth kind of mess is this?!

“Mess” initially referred to something rare and beautiful, but thanks to Xu Yanmiao’s frequent use in complaints, everyone who could hear his thoughts could no longer take the word seriously.

The other officials, emboldened by the Jinyiwei’s report, openly stared at the magistrate in shock. Their thoughts echoed the old Emperor’s sentiment: Could this court ever improve? Xu Yanmiao’s inner voice firmly told them: 【No. Birds of a feather flock together.】

【Wait, what?! The magistrate’s wife is the original magistrate’s fiancée, whom he never met!】

【After assuming the position, this impostor married her. She didn’t know he was fake. He told her, ‘My neighbor has been good to me. I want to help his wife by hiring her as our cook.’】

【And the wife thought her husband was so kind and sentimental!】

【This maneuver… It’s genius…】

The Jinyiwei cleverly framed Xu Yanmiao’s mental observations as their findings.

Everyone was dumbfounded—even the two wives were shocked.