EMHTC -Chapter 44 Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea, Each Showing Their Magical Powers!

After disembarking to rest, the officials rode horses to the inn, except for the emperor, who traveled in a carriage. However, as soon as Xu Yanmiao’s inner thoughts emerged, both civil and military officials swiftly dismounted their horses and instinctively lowered their heads to inspect their nether regions.

To outsiders, this scene looked extremely bizarre. Not only did everyone move in unison, but their expressions were oddly uniform—shock, fear, and confusion mixed together, with their eyes opened wide to the exact same degree.

The civil officials fared slightly better. While they were required to practice the six arts of a gentleman, they hadn’t spent as much time on horseback as the military officials during the early days of empire-building.

The military officials, however, were immediately transported back to their training days, vividly recalling the fiery pain from a certain sensitive area when first learning to ride.

Although experienced riders knew to lift their hips and align with the horse’s rhythm rather than sitting fully on the saddle, learning this technique took time. Until they mastered it, their backsides and nether regions endured countless painful impacts with the saddle.

【Back then, learning to ride was so grueling… Being a soldier is really inhuman. I couldn’t get the hang of lifting my hips and tightening my core at first. My butt stayed glued to the saddle, and every time the horse leaped, I bounced up and slammed back down… It hurt so much! Too much!】

【And when we started, the old emperor’s forces were makeshift at best. Those were chaotic times, and systematic training was out of the question. We just had to figure it out on our own. Ugh—the pain! My backside and… other parts must have slammed into that saddle at least a thousand times, if not more.】

The military officials couldn’t hold back their reactions any longer, covering their faces with their hands and grimacing in collective agony.

It really had been that painful.

No wonder. They’d always wondered why their memories of riding didn’t seem particularly harrowing, but now Xu Yanmiao’s thoughts brought back the nearly traumatic sensation of narrowly avoiding complete disaster during their training.

Even the emperor couldn’t help but wince, drawing a sharp breath through his teeth.

Learning to ride back then had been no easier for him, even with a tutor. By the end of the day, his backside felt like it had been shaken loose, and it took him a month of near-constant discomfort before he could manage to lift his hips and align with the horse’s motion consistently.

That first month? Every trip to the privy had felt like torture.

—Which brought up an entirely unrelated but baffling question: given how painful riding could be, why did some people in this world still insist on things like sworn brotherhoods? Did they not feel the pain?!

Meanwhile, the military officials had begun muttering among themselves.

“Does this mean those Xiangyang bandits we fought back then didn’t have to deal with this problem? Their cavalry came from wealthy families, and those young masters trained on horseback from childhood. They didn’t have to worry about… injuries down there. By the time they perfected their riding techniques, they were already immune to this sort of pain.”

“Good heavens! No wonder! That explains why their cavalry was always so fearless back then!”

“Right? And they even padded their saddles with meat to prevent the horses’ backs from getting chafed. Meat! We only had leather covers. After a long march, their meat-padded saddles would be fully cooked, and they’d even eat it afterward…”

The more they talked, the angrier they became.

“Enough! The more I think about it, the more infuriated I get!”

Grinding their teeth, the military officials wished they could dig up their old enemies and lash out at them again.

“…But that’s all in the past,” someone finally said, changing the subject. “What I really want to know now is… can this sort of thing be fixed?”

The room fell silent.

Everyone wanted to know, but no one dared to ask Xu Yanmiao directly, let alone expect a divine beast like Baize to have answers for such a personal matter.

Xu Yanmiao turned to the Ministry of War official beside him, startled by the redness in the man’s eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?”

The official was prone to tearing up easily. In times of emotional distress, his eyes would redden, and if things got worse, he’d even start crying outright.

Now, he was crying uncontrollably, sniffling as he spoke. “Xu Lang! I… I overheard the military officials talking about how horseback riding can lead to… problems down there. I only learned to ride after passing the imperial examination and finally affording lessons. Do you think this will affect my future children…”

Could it be fixed?

The official looked at Xu Yanmiao with teary, pleading eyes.

Xu Yanmiao patted him on the shoulder. “My condolences.”

【This… I really don’t know if this can be fixed. Maybe they should see a doctor? Riding lessons affecting fertility isn’t exactly something I can solve. Should I ask the system?】

【…I asked. No solution. Figures.】

【Right, this is an information-based system, not a miracle-working one. Asking it to solve a medical issue is like asking a rain god to clear the skies.】

Before the official could faint from sheer despair, distant shouts rang out—apparently, several people had already collapsed.

“What’s going on?” Xu Yanmiao asked, confused.

The official sighed deeply. “Xu Lang, you really have no idea how much strain you’re putting on everyone’s hearts. If this keeps up, instead of dying young, I suspect we’ll all live much longer… Because all this emotional rollercoasting must be strengthening our cardiovascular systems.”

That evening, the officials were granted free time to relax.

…Except for the magistrate of Yanshi County.

【Strange? Why did the old emperor suddenly summon someone over? He looked rather grim—did something happen?】

This thought lingered in Xu Yanmiao’s mind for less than ten seconds before being replaced by another:

【That “Birth” character stone tablet dedicated to the old emperor as the “Goddess of Childbirth”… I want to see it!】

Xu Yanmiao couldn’t bother with eating anymore. He bought two flatbreads on the road and headed straight for the county’s famous landmark. Halfway there, he ran into the old emperor himself.

【Uh… this is awkward…】

Noticing the emperor’s dark expression, Xu Yanmiao pretended as if nothing unusual was going on, trying to play it off. “What brings you here, Your Majesty?”

“Xu. Yan. Miao.” The emperor’s voice oozed through clenched teeth, each word dripping with displeasure. “And what brings you here?”

With an innocent face, Xu Yanmiao replied, “Oh, I’m just out for a casual stroll…”

The emperor let out a sarcastic chuckle. “This road only leads to the ‘Birth’ character stone tablet. You must have done your homework in advance. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be heading here immediately after disembarking.”

Xu Yanmiao assumed the emperor meant he’d done some pre-trip sightseeing research.

But then the emperor spoke again, his voice heavy with resentment. “You finished today’s official duties and still found time to wander around? Can’t you read the room? Look at your superiors—the Ministers and Vice Ministers. Do you see them idling around like you? And why are you so concerned with the Goddess of Childbirth? You’re not even married! Is this any of your business?”

Under the proverbial roof, Xu Yanmiao quietly bowed his head. “Your words are wise, Your Majesty.”

In the background, street sounds filled the air: hawkers selling candied hawthorns, tavern owners calling out to customers, flower peddlers balancing baskets, dog sellers tugging leashes, fortune-tellers selling divinations, and street artists sketching portraits.

The lively atmosphere only underscored the emperor’s rising frustration. This many commoners believed in the emperor as a “Goddess of Childbirth,” and his face grew even darker.

But…

【What does that have to do with me? I didn’t start this rumor! Why take it out on me?】

【What a Scrooge! Even during the New Year holiday, he won’t let people have fun. It’s only the second day of the New Year!】

【Also, look at the salaries of Ministers, Vice Ministers, and clerks. I’m earning peanuts and you expect me to do a million-dollar job? That’s just unreasonable.】

【Why can’t I be curious about the Goddess of Childbirth just because I’m unmarried? Isn’t he mad because he’s been made into one?】

【Besides, I’m not the only one here… Take the Minister of Personnel, my boss. Isn’t he over there disguised as a candied hawthorn seller to visit the ‘Birth’ character tablet?】

The old emperor froze, his dark expression hardening as he turned his gaze to the hawthorn seller standing with his back to him.

The Minister of Personnel: “…”

The seller stiffly turned around, holding up a stick of candied hawthorns with forced enthusiasm. “Would the gentleman like some candied hawthorn?”

The emperor:

【And the Minister of War brought a basket of flowers to sell, even sticking flowers in his own hair to avoid detection by you.】

The emperor’s gaze shifted to the flower seller.

The Minister of War: “…”

Lowering his head, three flowers fell from his hair to the ground, leaving only the one pinned behind his ear swaying in the breeze.

【Oh, look! The Minister of Justice is multi-talented. He’s even doing face readings. Who would’ve guessed?】

The Minister of Justice, packing up his fortune-telling stall and preparing to flee, hurriedly grabbed a banner reading “Not Accurate? No Charge!” to cover his face.

As Xu Yanmiao pointed them out one by one, it became apparent that nearly 90% of the accompanying officials were there.

The ‘Birth’ character stone tablet was always a popular site for commoners to worship and burn incense, but tonight’s unusually large crowd was undoubtedly thanks to these officials.

The old emperor was so furious he almost laughed.

“ALL OF YOU, COME OUT!”

One by one, the guilty officials sheepishly stepped forward.

The emperor found some comfort in noticing a few high-ranking officials absent. “You all should learn from Qin Guan! He’s never been overly curious about unnecessary things!” Qin Guan, the Grand General, was his prime example.

“Not curious?” Yongchang Marquis snorted. “That’s only because he doesn’t need the ‘Goddess of Childbirth.’”

Xu Yanmiao looked around but didn’t see the Grand General anywhere.

【Strange. Could it really be that same-sex relationships don’t require children?】

【But that doesn’t make sense. I’m not in a same-sex relationship, and I don’t need children either. Yet I’m very curious about the stone tablet…】

【Wait, is that… Oh, my God! He disguised himself as a beggar! No wonder even the emperor’s sharp eyes didn’t spot him!】

In the corner, a figure crawled along the ground, appearing lame. Just as they were about to slip away unnoticed, they silently turned around and crawled back, dragging a leg as they approached the emperor. From their battered bowl, they carefully retrieved their sole earnings for the evening—a single copper coin—and placed it by the emperor’s boot.

The emperor: “…”

He had one question on his mind:

Why are all my ministers so… eccentric?!