EMHTC -Chapter 24 Go! It’s all about the excitement of people I know! I must eat this melon!

The old emperor encountered his ministers halfway up the mountain.

The old emperor feigned a smile. “My loyal subjects, how leisurely you all seem today.”

The ministers bowed their heads, not daring to speak.

The gentleman, however, feigned surprise and exclaimed, “Subjects? You’re the Emperor?!”

—This gentleman had returned after using the restroom.

The ministers were alarmed.

Who is this person, behaving even more recklessly than Xu Yanmao? Xu Yanmao at least has privileges, but do you? Even if you didn’t know the Emperor’s identity before, shouldn’t you be pretending to be meek now?

And… your expression is so obviously fake. Who would believe you didn’t know the Emperor’s identity earlier?

As expected, their Emperor raised his voice towards the forest, “Take him away and lock him up.”

Several squads of imperial guards emerged from what seemed to be an empty forest. A few of them stepped forward and restrained the gentleman, who offered little resistance and obediently let himself be taken. Before leaving, however, he cast a hopeful look at Ji Sui.

Lord Ji! Lord Ji! You promised me! You said you’d advocate for the enforcement of The Admonitions for Women!

Yet Ji Sui lowered his gaze and lightly dusted off the sleeve of his robe, as if that hopeful plea had nothing to do with him.

After all…

Ji Sui’s face remained impassive.

Enforcing The Admonitions for Women? He had a daughter of his own.

—He had never intended for The Admonitions for Women to replace the current social norms.

When the foreign tribes conquered the Central Plains, they brought their customs with them. These nomads never adhered to the notion that women should stay confined to their homes. Both men and women had to herd livestock. Over five centuries, these practices had deeply integrated into the culture of the Central Plains.

When the Han dynasty later established the Zhou dynasty to restore order, the new era carried with it the ruggedness and openness of the grasslands. Women could walk the streets freely, engage in commerce, and work outside the home. Upon reaching marriageable age, they even had the autonomy to choose their partners.

While stricter regulations emerged in the mid-to-late period of the dynasty, the society as a whole remained far more liberal compared to other eras. In the current Xia dynasty, which inherited the Zhou system, not only did they adopt the Zhou laws but also its social customs.

—Therefore, Ji Sui had always planned to discard the idea once it served its purpose.

Would the Emperor consider implementing it?

Ji Sui could only say that given the founding Emperor’s reputation and personal preference for virtuous and obedient women…

It was well-known that the Emperor’s most beloved Princess Xiangyang was once punished for her mistakes by being forced to recite The Admonitions for Women.

If His Majesty had wanted to enforce it, it would’ve happened at the beginning of the dynasty. In fact, three decades ago, the previous Emperor had also contemplated “refining” the wild customs of the preceding era. But wasn’t it the Empress herself who had blocked that effort?

The gentleman’s eyes filled with despair.

Ji Sui! You scoundrel! You break your word! Shameless!

＊

Xu Yanmao glanced at the imperial guards and suddenly had a thought—

【Wait? Have they always been nearby protecting the Emperor? Doesn’t that mean they saw the old Emperor… you know, when he was using his hands?】

The commander of the imperial guards felt his legs go weak and immediately knelt before the Emperor with a loud thud.

【Huh? Why did he suddenly kneel? Did I miss something?】

Under the old Emperor’s cold glare, the commander hastily said, “Your Majesty! Forgive your servant for arriving late to protect you!”

He then added emphatically, “This servant will never turn his back again! Never again!”

He repeated it twice for emphasis.

The old Emperor seemed to understand, his expression softening slightly.

It appeared the guards had used their heads and turned their backs when they sensed something amiss. That meant they hadn’t seen him… doing that thing… whatever it was!

Xu Yanmao, confident that his thoughts were safe in his mind and reassured that the Emperor and the others weren’t physically harmed, indulged in a bout of schadenfreude: 【Phew! Lucky for me I don’t like tea. I dodged a bullet, hahaha!】

The old Emperor’s face darkened.

The ministers didn’t dare make a sound, inwardly chanting that they were wooden puppets.

【Let me see how this “spring” drug made its way into Yulong Temple. It’s so tragic, how it managed to end up being drunk by the Emperor of all people, hahahaha!】

Laughter echoed in the old Emperor’s mind, making his face grow darker and darker.

Laugh, laugh, laugh! What’s so funny?! You’re a virgin who hasn’t even married yet. Of course, you’d find it amusing that you didn’t fall victim to the aphrodisiac. Otherwise, you’d already have been “beep—” and too ashamed to live!

【Wait! This temple!】

Xu Yanmao’s eyes suddenly widened as if he’d discovered something.

The old Emperor paused, suddenly deciding to grant Xu Yanmao a temporary pardon.

His ears perked up—

What about this temple?!

Could it be one of those infamous lecherous temples where monks allegedly seduced women under the guise of helping them conceive?

The thought made the old Emperor’s brows furrow, his eyes glinting with rage.

Wretches! Lewd monks!

The next moment, Xu Yanmao’s inner voice rang out:

【There are so many scandals between the monks and noblewomen in this temple!】

【Whoa! And it’s all consensual! This is one big Green Hat Temple! Yulong Temple, more like a place mass-producing green hats, hahahaha!】

The ministers: “?!”

What did you just say? Who’s handing out green hats to whom???

Several ministers felt their hearts seize, nearly fainting on the spot.

Their families’ women had visited this temple quite often!

The old Emperor’s eyes widened like bronze bells.

Of course, while others felt anguish, he… felt exhilarated.

A Green Hat Temple!

Who’s ever heard of something so exciting?!

—His Empress wouldn’t betray him, so he could sit back and enjoy the drama with no worries!

＊

Just as they were getting absorbed in the gossip, Xu Yanmao suddenly lost interest in the Green Hat Temple and moved on to other juicy topics, leaving the tale unfinished.

The Emperor and ministers: “!!”

But we’re interested!

But no matter how skilled they were, they couldn’t do anything about a disinterested Xu Yanmiao. Subtle hints went over his head, and when the topic shifted to the temple, he’d only give a nonchalant “Oh,” showing no real interest. His thoughts drifted elsewhere: 【What’s so entertaining about a temple of cuckolds? I’ve seen plenty of that. This isn’t nearly as interesting as…】

We don’t care about your ‘as’!

We just want to finish the gossip!

Halfway through spilling the tea, they were left high and dry, feeling like eunuchs unable to consummate a marriage.

The next day was a rare day of rest, and the court assembly wasn’t until the day after. However, many officials arrived that morning visibly deflated, with dull expressions and lethargy weighing them down.

When asked what was wrong, they’d only offer a bitter smile and mutter, “Don’t ask.” Which, of course, only made people more curious!

The officials who had visited the Yulong Temple were too consumed by their own thoughts to notice the murderous glares of their colleagues.

—They had murder on their minds too! Two whole days without being able to eat or sleep properly, too scared to ask their wives or concubines whether they’d been unfaithful.

They were certain that if they did, Xu Yanmiao would inevitably notice. Regardless of the truth, the moment he fixated on it in court, their reputations would be utterly ruined!

At least, they thought, they’d wait until Xu Yanmiao finished spilling all the tea about Yulong Temple before they acted.

This court session passed without Xu Yanmiao causing any outrageous incidents. He attended the assembly properly for once.

The emperor and his ministers, torn between relief and disappointment, thought: Why couldn’t something exciting (ahem) catastrophic happen?

When the session ended…

“Your Majesty!” someone called out.

The emperor turned, surprised, but upon recognizing the voice of Marquis Ji’an, he maintained a polite demeanor. “What is it, Lord Ji’an?”

The marquises and dukes of this generation were mostly men who had fought alongside him in founding the empire or the descendants of such men. The emperor treated these old comrades and their families with great favor—so long as they didn’t cross the line.

However, Marquis Ji’an’s title was not hereditary, making his standing slightly lower in the emperor’s eyes.

Marquis Ji’an, his face glowing with pride, declared, “Your Majesty! My ninth son is celebrating his first full month today. I humbly invite Your Majesty and all my esteemed colleagues to grace us with your presence!”

The emperor, surprised, asked, “Your legitimate son?”

“Indeed!” Marquis Ji’an practically shouted, brimming with pride. “Born to my wife, a healthy baby boy!”

Who wouldn’t be proud? Eight legitimate children already raised to adulthood, and now, in his fifties, another child! Proof of his virility and vitality!

The other nobles were green with envy.

Outwardly, they congratulated him. “Congratulations! What a blessing!” “Marquis Ji’an, you’re truly still in your prime!” “A big, healthy boy—how wonderful!”

Inwardly, they were seething.

“Damn it! We fought alongside His Majesty just like him, yet he has so many sons! Me? I don’t even have three!”

“I only have one daughter!”

“Exactly! Why is it that despite similar circumstances, I only have two children? He has nine legitimate sons!”

“Unfair! Life is so unfair!”

“And it’s not like his concubines are fertile—five of them, yet barely two children combined.”

As they stewed in bitterness, Xu Yanmiao’s inner thoughts floated into their minds with a tone of confusion, bewilderment, and curiosity.

【Why’s he so happy? It’s not even his kid.】

“!!!”

They knew it was wrong, but many officials felt a spark of schadenfreude light up inside.

Oh? Nine sons? All legitimate? Oh, sure—he’s still so virile, isn’t he?

One general, who had just been lamenting his own meager offspring, couldn’t resist snickering. “I told you something was fishy about his concubines’ lack of children. Turns out, he’s not as virile as he pretends to be.”

The emperor coughed lightly, trying to keep a solemn face.

—After all, being cuckolded by one’s wife was… well… tragic.

“Lord Ji’an, this matter…”

Marquis Ji’an, who had been basking in his glory, turned red with rage.

At this point, the Jinyiwei commander stepped forward and quickly whispered Xu Yanmiao’s revelation into the marquis’s ear. Otherwise, how could they explain his sudden change from jubilation to fury, storming off to catch the culprits?

Once the Jinyiwei finished, Marquis Ji’an’s eyes bulged blood-red, and he charged out of the hall, cursing, “Wretched woman!”

The emperor, watching him go, sighed. “Truly unfortunate…”

Should I follow him? Would that be too obvious?

Then he noticed the wife’s family also rushing out, fists clenched, shouting, “That old dog! Still has the nerve to act outraged? Fetch me my sword!”

The crown prince glanced at his hesitant father and sneered, striding off confidently to join the spectacle.

If there’s gossip, why hold back?

The emperor still hesitated, caught between propriety and curiosity.

Just then, Xu Yanmiao’s sympathetic thoughts resounded in his mind:

【Marquis Ji’an is something else. His wife is the sister of the Marquis of Pengcheng, their family’s only treasure. Back then, they even considered making her the head of the family if they couldn’t find her a suitable husband. The Marquis Ji’an had to swear an oath never to take concubines—ironclad proof! Otherwise, the Marquis of Pengcheng’s sister wouldn’t have married him.】

【And now he’s mad? If he hadn’t taken concubines first, she wouldn’t have sought out that handsome monk!】

The emperor, originally frowning at Xu Yanmiao’s commentary, perked up at the latter part.

A handsome monk? What handsome monk?

【Oh, my! And it’s someone we know!】 Xu Yanmiao’s inner voice grew excited. 【It’s that same beauty who tried to flirt with the emperor back at the temple!】

Uninformed officials: “!!!”

What?! A temple?! Scandalous! Is this how His Majesty rolls?!

The emperor’s temple pulsed with irritation.

There’s no need to bring up unnecessary details!

【So she’s the one who cuckolded Marquis Ji’an!】

【Wait, the lover is… the abbot of that temple?!】

The emperor shouted, “Prepare my sedan chair!”

This was a drama starring people he knew! He wouldn’t miss it for the world!