EMHTC -Chapter 23 Alas! Among any three people, there is always someone who can be my teacher!

【Aphrodisiacs?!】

【What kind of Aphrodisiacs?!】

Not only was Xu Yanmao excited, but the old emperor and the Ministry of War official were also equally thrilled.

A Buddhist temple! Spiked medicine! These two words together—

There’s definitely some jaw-dropping scandal brewing here!

Amid their excitement, they felt something was off.

The old emperor and the official both lowered their heads, their expressions momentarily complicated.

What does this have to do with you?! Why are you so excited?!

Nearby, forty-six-year-old Lord Ji had already closed his eyes in despair. His lips moved slightly—was he muttering something or just trying to breathe?

Could the ones affected by the drug possibly be…

【Thud—】

The old emperor collapsed.

【Thud—】

The Ministry of War official also collapsed.

On this day, in the Yulong Temple, officials accompanying their wives, concubines, or female family members to burn incense and pray for children heard a thunderous voice echoing in their minds—

【Help!!!】

【Protect the Emperor!!!】

Protect the Emperor?!

Was there an assassin attempting to harm the emperor?!

“Is it ‘protect the emperor’? Did Baize just shout that? Where is His Majesty? He should say where he is!”

“Oh no, what’s happening?! Someone, help!”

【Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!】

【The old emperor! Lord Ji! And even Lian Hang… Back mountain! Why are they in the back mountain?!】

The back mountain!!!

“Quick, quick, quick!”

“Wait for me, I’m too old to keep up…”

A group of officials, panic-stricken, sprinted toward the back mountain while sending people to call for guards from outside the temple.

Your Majesty! We’re coming! Hang in there!

【Ahhhhhh—block it out, block it out, block it out—】

【System, block this for me! I don’t want to see this kind of thing!!!】

【I’m telling you to block it! Can you hear me?! Even if it’s just text, I don’t want to know! Who wants to find out if two old men are lifting their heads or not?! Not even if it’s not old men!】

The inner voice was like a demonic chant, gut-wrenching and ear-piercing.

Those more desperate than Xu Yanmao to block out the content were the disheveled and miserable officials.

They gradually slowed their steps.

“Heads? What heads?”

【Ahhhhhhh! No metaphors either! I don’t want to know who’s picking up jade or who’s reaching for cooked shrimp!】

“Cooked shrimp?”

No way…

Someone blurted out, “…Drugs?” but immediately shut their mouth.

So it wasn’t an assassination attempt—it was just…someone spiked the tea with that kind of pill?

【No! Stop comparing sizes with your fingers! I’m not interested! Not interested! Hear me?! System, block it now!】

Several people crouched down, covering their ears.

No! We don’t want to be forced to compare who’s firmer like jade, either!!!

Anyone coming to this temple today is doomed to be blacklisted!

Help!!!

The officials wore expressions of utter despair.

Some grabbed nearby rocks and slammed their heads against them, passing out with blissful smiles.

Others, too scared to be that harsh, resorted to slapping themselves. “Why did you come here today? Why?!”

It’s almost New Year’s! Why did you have to come burn incense and show off your spare change? Couldn’t you just stay at the office?!

Meanwhile, other officials sat paralyzed on the ground. Though horrified, they couldn’t help but think:

“So…”

“When Xu Yanmao screams internally, does it increase the range of his thoughts being broadcasted?”

…

The old emperor and the other two were in even greater despair.

Why are you screaming?!

We don’t want to be forced into these comparisons either!

And why is Xu Yanmao completely unaffected after drinking the same pot of tea?

…Oh, right. He never drinks tea.

The old emperor was drenched in sweat and felt like fainting.

I’m 63 years old! Who in their right mind would give an aphrodisiac to a senior citizen?! What if it kills me?!

Xu Yanmao cautiously approached and nervously asked, “Are you all…okay?”

【What do we do?!】

【This is a Buddhist temple—where am I supposed to find someone to detox them?!】

【The old emperor is 63! Is holding on this long safe? Is it uncomfortable? Will he literally suffocate?!】

【Lian Hang is still young! What if this damages him?! He just got married and doesn’t even have kids yet!】

【And then there’s Lord Ji—he’s 46! He’s been in a loving one-on-one relationship with his wife for years, and now this is how it ends?!】

Lian Hang, struggling to keep his robe in place, didn’t want to disgrace himself by putting on a public display. When he heard Xu Yanmao’s inner voice, his eyes immediately turned red.

Xu Lang! Don’t mention me at a time like this! Just worry about His Majesty and Lord Ji! I’m just a minor official; I’m not worthy! Also…

There are so many other officials burning incense in the temple right now, sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob…

I’m still young! I don’t want to die of public shame, sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob…

The old emperor and Lord Ji: ?

Do you think we wanted this?!

Xu Yanmao continued to fret.

【Why are their faces so red? Crap! Could it be some sort of poison spreading to their lungs?!】

The old emperor wheezed and barked, “Shut—shut up!!!”

I still have my dignity!

Xu Yanmao immediately covered his mouth.

The old emperor quickly realized his mistake. One person silenced only meant…

【Where do I find someone to help detox them?!】

【And this is the back mountain; there’s no time to move them to the meditation room! Are they going to…do it outdoors?!】

【An emperor, a grand academic, and a Ministry of War official engaging in such acts in a sacred Buddhist site—is that even allowed?!】

【Should I prepare curtains to shield them? It’d be bad for them to see each other directly!】

Lord Ji’s face twisted in agony, and he shut his eyes in despair.

He’s taking a leave of absence! He won’t be showing his face again until after the New Year!

【Of course, the most urgent matter is to find someone first!】

Officials: “!!!”

They certainly had female relatives around, but…

Choosing between wearing a green hat (cuckoldry) or showing patriotic loyalty was truly a difficult decision!

—Whether it’s putting the hat on themselves or on their son-in-law, brother-in-law, or sister’s husband, it’s utterly explosive no matter how you look at it!

【If worse comes to worst, find a man? After all, whether it’s pills or potions, these inanimate objects shouldn’t be smart enough to differentiate gender, right?】

The officials, who had been touching their heads, immediately switched to covering their rear ends.

This… This…

Wasn’t the risk of loyalty just increased by a billion-fold?

One particular 69-year-old senior censor, who had been loyal and patriotic his entire life, suddenly had his struggling expression harden into one of resolve.

“Your Majesty!”

“This old servant is ready!”

With creaky joints, he started arduously climbing the mountain.

The old emperor still hadn’t realized he had such a loyal subject.

At this moment, he was just hesitating, uncertain, and his gaze fell on the Ministry of War’s clerk and Ji Sui.

Maybe… use one of them?

The two men’s expressions tightened, and the pain in their rear ends seemed to flare up again in waves. Both of them were one step away from losing control.

The old emperor: Forget it, dragging ministers into the royal bed wouldn’t sound good if word got out.

He then turned his gaze to the gentleman.

Just a moment ago, he thought this person was perfect in every way: eloquent, morally aligned, and of pure character. But now…

His gaze gradually became more critical.

This man smelled too fragrant—how many sachets had he stuffed into his clothing? The scent was overwhelming.

And his face, powdered to look whiter, was excessively effeminate.

Furthermore…

The gentleman was struggling to hold in his need to urinate, his face alternating between green and red.

Could it be… the emperor realized he was about to lose control?

“Sir!!!” Xu Yanmiao suddenly raised his voice.

The gentleman’s face twisted, his urge to pee nearly bursting out from the shock.

The old emperor spoke with difficulty, “What is it?”

Xu Yanmiao: “I have an idea.”

The old emperor: “I think I know what your idea is… but… let me think about it some more.”

A straight man for life, being suddenly asked to “take” a man—it was a psychological hurdle he couldn’t overcome.

…Physiologically, it might also be an impossible leap.

【What?! The old emperor guessed it? And he still needs to think about it? Well, I suppose… taking matters into his own hands in public, even for an emperor…】

Take matters into his own hands?

The old emperor abruptly sat up straight.

Ji Sui’s eyes lit up with delight.

The Ministry of War clerk swayed slightly as he got up, looking for a place to go.

All three were suddenly ecstatic: this idea might work!

The gentleman, utterly dumbfounded, watched as the four men dashed off. “??? What’s going on?! Lord Ji, why are you leaving too?! Look at me, Lord Ji!”

“…Fine.” He struggled to stand up, searching for a spot. Once he finished his personal business, he’d go find His Majesty and Lord Ji!

Xu Yanmiao covered his ears and eyes, turning his back to them. 【Don’t worry! I won’t look or listen!】

The three men: “…”

Enough! You might as well just stand guard openly!

In this situation…

The three exchanged awkward glances.

Then, they each sat down on opposite sides of a tree, back to the trunk, unable to see each other.

About a quarter of an hour later, all three had more or less finished.

But…

The old emperor sat there expressionless, not moving.

Ji Sui leaned against the tree, resting his eyes.

The Ministry of War clerk looked conflicted, his face full of torment.

None of the three budged, locked in a stalemate.

Another quarter of an hour passed before the Ministry of War clerk, tears of frustration streaming down his face, stood up.

A little while later, Xu Yanmiao’s inner thoughts came through—he himself was chatting with the Ministry of War clerk.

【Two quarters of an hour was enough?】

【Is that a long time or a short time?】

The old emperor and Ji Sui stared coldly at the air ahead of them.

Yes, that’s why they hadn’t stood up yet.

—As for the Ministry of War clerk, both of them were higher-ups he couldn’t afford to offend. He had no choice but to sacrifice his own reputation.

Another quarter of an hour passed.

The old emperor discreetly massaged his numb backside.

Ji Sui flexed his tired legs.

Half an hour later…

The old emperor gritted his teeth, determined not to make any sudden movements.

Ji Sui’s pupils momentarily flickered with struggle.

He couldn’t embarrass the emperor, but… this was a matter of male pride…

But then again…

Never mind. Half an hour was enough.

Ji Sui wobbled to his feet.

The old emperor was overjoyed.

If Ji Sui managed half an hour, surely I can hold out for an hour and show my vigor!

One hour later…

Xu Yanmiao’s inner voice chimed in.

【Still not done?】

【Is this really that long-lasting?】

【Huh? Why are so many officials lingering on the mountainside without moving? Could it be they discovered the emperor’s presence here, want to pay their respects, but don’t want to expose his location, so they’re planning some kind of staged encounter?】

【But this many people? The emperor’s not stupid.】

The old emperor, who had just decided he’d held on long enough and could stand up, immediately sat back down.

One hour? That’s not enough!

Those officials are all watching!