TRT – Chapter 20 Escape (Part Two)

I don’t know. I don’t know anything.

I only know that I desperately want to return to Xiao Tao’s side!

I only know that I want to hold her hand and guard her, guard her, guard her until she no longer cries…

Xiao Tao, please don’t cry, alright? I’ll be back right away…

Why is it that I can never find the unfading rose?

Why are the princes I meet never princely enough?

Why must the bluebird of happiness fly so high?

Why can both apples and embraces turn out to be poison?

I never thought that even with it, loneliness would still be so terrifying.

I suddenly remembered the doll that once accompanied me.

I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want to grow up.

After growing up, the world has no more fairy tales.

I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want to grow up.

I’d rather remain forever silly and foolish.

I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want to grow up.

After growing up, I’ll lose it.

Why is it that the crystal ball doesn’t show its changes?

Why does the ending bring not laughter but tears?

Why do wishes made upon shooting stars never come true?

Why is a heroic knight even more dangerous than a dragon?

Let’s go back to the past, shall we?

Back to when it was naïve, foolish, happy, and beautiful.

I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want to grow up.

I don’t want to grow up…

The horse galloped wildly, without any obstruction in its path.

When we charged through the main gates of the Ancestral Temple, we didn’t pause for a moment. The horse’s hooves lifted into the air, and my heart seemed to plummet from the clouds straight into hell…

“Where are they?”

I heard myself ask, my voice chillingly cold.

“His Highness the Fourth Prince wants to see you.” The man behind me spoke, as cold as ever.

Suddenly, I wheeled around and kicked the guard, Yang, off the horse!

He twisted lightly, like some great feline, nimbly landing on the ground.

“Where are they?”

I pulled hard on the reins, glaring down at him. Even the fine steed beneath me pawed restlessly at the ground, agitated by the chill radiating from my body…

He looked at me coolly for a moment. Then at last, his gaze softened, and in a voice barely audible he said:

“The west wing.”

Without hesitation, I spun around, spurred the horse, and rushed ahead!

Though the temple was spacious, it was not as open as the main roads. The luxurious gardens were torn into chaos by the horse’s hooves, servants scattering in alarm. But I saw nothing, cared for nothing!

From a distance, I spotted the quiet, still west wing. Yet suddenly I didn’t dare approach. With trembling hands, I pulled back on the reins, as though afraid to disturb that fragile serenity…

Dazed, I dismounted, walked up to the oleander outside the window, but found myself unable to take another step…

The latticed window of the west wing was half open. Xiao Tao sat on the bed, doing needlework, just as before—just as every time I burst into her room in a hurry, just as every time I pestered her playfully. Only the layers of gauze wrapped around her left hand marked how much had changed. The vivid red stains upon it were so piercing, stabbing into my eyes. My vision blurred, clouded by something bitter and stinging, as though only through this could her pain be lessened…

Xiao Tao was sewing something with great focus. Looking closely, I saw it was the apron I had once begged her to make for me.

But her hand moved clumsily. She stitched wrong again and again, pulling the thread out each time, starting over, only to fail again… Yet she never gave up, repeating the simple mechanical action with all her concentration.

Sew wrong. Unpick.
Sew again. Unpick.
Sew again.

I stood frozen outside the door, unable to take even a step… Xiao Tao—she had once been the best at needlework in the Cangchun House…

My heart twisted tightly with each stitch of her trembling hand!

My tears fought desperately to break free, searching for a way out…

My whole body shook; I could barely stand…

“Mingming…” A sigh, so faint, almost inaudible.

Stiffly, slowly, I turned my head. Not far away, Qingqing stood holding gauze and ointment, her gaze resting quietly on me.

I stared back foolishly, forcing my eyes wide, fighting with all my strength to keep the tears from flooding out…

Qingqing sighed again, turned her head, and pushed open the door to enter the room.

“Xiao Tao, stop sewing. Come change your dressing…”

“Just a little longer, I’ll finish it soon…”

Time passed.

The room grew silent.

Suddenly, I heard the sharp clatter of needle and thread falling to the ground! Without warning, Xiao Tao’s hysterical voice burst out, accompanied by sobs—

“I can’t do it! I can’t… I can’t sew it right! Qingqing, what do I do? I can’t sew it! I can’t!”

I heard the sound of Qingqing hastily setting things aside, stepping forward to embrace the trembling Xiao Tao.

“Xiao Tao…?”

But Xiao Tao only wept endlessly, repeating over and over: “I can’t sew it… what do I do? What do I do? My hand doesn’t work anymore… what do I do?”

“It’s alright, it’s alright… you can go slowly, take your time… it’s alright…”

“No, it’s not! It’s not alright! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do… Other than needlework, I know nothing! I can’t help Mingming with anything… I don’t know anything…” She wept, lost and broken, “Only this… only this… and even this, I can’t… What do I do, what do I do… Will Mingming not let me stay by her side anymore? Huh? Qingqing? Answer me!”

“No, never, absolutely never, absolutely never…”

I… I don’t know how to do anything… I can’t help Minmin… Qingqing, teach me to sing! Teach me to dance! Huh? Teach me now! Teach me now… Xiaotao desperately shook Qingqing’s sleeve…

“I’ll teach you, I’ll teach you, I’ll teach you everything…”

Outside the window, I could no longer hold back! Tears surged uncontrollably, unstoppable…

My whole body trembled beyond control! I heard myself break into loud sobs!

“Xiaotao! Xiaotao… Xiaotao… I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

I don’t remember if I rushed inside or if they ran out—only that I held onto Xiaotao tightly and never let go! I hugged her and wailed, crying until the sky spun and stars flashed before my eyes, crying until even my fingertips convulsed and trembled…

When I woke up, I didn’t know where I was. It took me a long time to gather my thoughts: not a drop of water all day, riding madly through the night, grief tearing at my heart, and crying until I collapsed—I had fainted in Xiaotao’s arms…

“Xiaotao…”

The hoarseness of my own voice startled me…

“I’m here.”

Her warm hand clasped mine, guiding my head to her lap. She gently brushed aside my bangs and caressed my forehead…

A sharp sting rushed to my nose! I turned my hand to hold hers.

“Xiaotao, don’t ever leave me again, okay?”

“…Okay.”

“Never, ever abandon me, okay?”

“…Okay.”

“Xiaotao, I only want the sportswear you sew for me. You can sew slowly, alter it slowly—I’ll wait no matter how long it takes! Because in this life I only want to wear what you make, so please don’t refuse me, okay?”

“…Okay…” A cool tear fell onto my forehead…

“Xiaotao… I like you the most, please don’t hate me, okay? From now on, I’ll protect you, I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. You’ll still be my best friend, right…?”

“…Okay… okay… don’t say any more, don’t say any more, Minmin…” Xiaotao held my head tightly in her arms, both of us in tears… Qingqing at the side was already sobbing uncontrollably…

I drifted into sleep again, waking in a haze a few times. I wasn’t sure if I had a fever, everything around me was blurred…

Qingqing and Xiaotao came to see me…

Guard Yang came to see me…

The Fourth Prince came to see me…

Xiao Shou also came… He stood at the window at sunset, his sleeves fluttering as if they would fade away with the sinking sun…

He turned back to look at me, his smile blurred and unreal…

Yet his words—so soft—were chillingly clear:

“Minmin, I’m leaving now. Right now, I can’t protect you. Wait for me, wait five years. I will come back.”

He lifted me lightly into his arms, as if wanting to kiss me, but in the end only sighed and set me down again. He said more after that, but I no longer remember. All I recall is the image of his back as he left—lonely, desolate, tinged with sorrow… fading into my fevered dreams…

The fever broke two days later. When I recovered, I became quieter, spending most of my days in silence, keeping watch beside Xiaotao and Qingqing.

Xiaotao’s wounds gradually healed, but that missing fingertip would never return. Every time I saw her slightly empty left hand, my heart ached. She wanted to hide it, but I firmly refused, because it was a reminder—a reminder for me to always remember:

I have people to protect. I can’t keep being reckless.

All along, I had looked at this world as though through a veil. In my heart, I never belonged here. I was just an outsider, a passerby in history, watching coldly from the sidelines. Nothing touched me, nothing bound me. I did whatever I pleased, played wildly, acted willfully!

I thought this world had nothing to do with me. But I was wrong—terribly wrong!

My heart had already been bound by the people beside me. Seeing them sad, I felt sad. Seeing them hurt, I felt hurt. If my recklessness ever harmed them, I could never forgive myself. I was no longer just a bystander—I couldn’t be.

Perhaps when a child learns to take responsibility for their own actions, that is when they grow up.

I had grown up…

…

After sending Xiao Shou north to study military command under General Lou, the Fourth Prince summoned me three days later.

I waited for the whip laced with sugar, yet my heart was strangely calm.

When Guard Yang led me in, the Prince was eating dinner in a pavilion, with Ji Wen and the other beauties attending him.

I entered quietly and gave a proper bow. With Qingqing and Xiaotao still in his grasp, it was hardly wise to oppose him now.

“Sit.”

I sat down obediently.

He said nothing, and the atmosphere at the table grew stifling.

He didn’t tell me to eat, so I dared not move my chopsticks. Sitting idle soon bored me, and before long I drifted into a daze.

“You’re being obedient today.”

“Mm…”

“Now you know who your master is!”

“Mm…”

“If you dare run away again, don’t blame me for being merciless!”

“Mm…”

“You’ve run again and again—do you take me for nothing?”

“Mm…”

“Mm?”

“Mm!” I shook my head at once!

“I thought you’d finally learned your lesson… Hmph!” He snorted coldly, rising to his feet.

I didn’t move, only looked up at him calmly. “I’ve never been obedient, and I never will be—you know that. As long as you treat Qingqing and Xiaotao well, I’ll help you. But you are not my master, never—remember that.”

He stared down at me for a long time. I lifted my head to meet his gaze, unwavering, unafraid. At last I understood: the key to presence in a negotiation was not height.

“Very well,” he finally said. “But one day, you’ll beg me to be your master.”

“That person won’t be Zhao Minmin,” I said coldly.

He sat back down gracefully, picking up his chopsticks.

“You’ve recovered well enough. Pack up. Today, you’ll go to Prince Luo’s residence.”

“Mm.” My face was expressionless. What must come, will come.

He looked up at me, as if surprised at my indifference.

“If there’s anything you like in this residence, take it with you.”

“What’s this, hush money?”

“Then I…”

“Not Xiaotao or Qingqing.” He cut me off instantly. After a pause, his tone softened: “Let Qingqing go with you. It’s best to have someone familiar by your side. What else do you want?”

“Anything in this house?”

“Anything.”

“Then I want him!”

Everyone froze. My finger pointed firmly and decisively at Guard Yang.

The expressions around me shifted, but the most striking were those of the two men themselves.

I gave a cold laugh, rose, and prepared to leave.

“No need for me to remind you not to break your word, is there, Fourth~ Prince~? I must go prepare my things—Minmin takes her leave.”

Without another glance at the pavilion full of painted faces, I turned and strode out, wishing I’d never see a certain face again!

“Minmin… pity… I never got to taste your cooking. I wonder if there’ll ever be a chance…” His sigh drifted from behind, low and almost inaudible.

My step faltered, then continued, without a backward glance.

After saying goodbye to Xiaotao, I became like a lifeless doll, expressionless as Ji Wen’s maids dressed me up:

Bathing, changing clothes, makeup, adornment…

The person in the mirror, all painted colors, was not Zhao Minmin. She was merely an offering to be sent to Prince Luo.

Prince Luo’s face shifted in my mind from clear to blurred. Qingqing stood worriedly in the corner. What path lay ahead? Reckless charges, or cautious steps?

As the last light was swallowed by night, I was placed in a lavish sedan chair that felt more like a prison cart, swaying in the candlelight of the Fourth Prince’s residence.

Qingqing clutched my hand in fear. The gaudy clothes and heavy makeup painted an unnatural flush on my cheeks. I gave a bitter smile—what did it matter how beautiful I looked?

This sedan chair would only enter through the back gate of Prince Luo’s residence.

And I,
was nothing more than a beautifully dressed chess piece.

“Raise—the—sedan—!”

My body swayed as the journey began.

I had stepped into the unknown…

---

When you grow up, the world has no fairy tales.
When you grow up, they slip away.
Why can’t the crystal ball show its changes?
Why does the ending bring tears, not laughter?
Why do wishes on shooting stars never come true?
Why is the knight more dangerous than the dragon?
Let’s go back to the past, okay?
To innocence, foolishness, joy, and beauty…
I don’t want to grow up…