Chapter 38 He Has Improper Thoughts About Song Jingmo

“What did you say? You like Yin Siyao?” Lu Er’s voice suddenly shot up.

He had just come away from Song Jingmo feeling frustrated, and now hearing such shocking news, his whole mood collapsed.

Why did it seem like everyone around him liked men?

First Song Jingmo, and now his own nephew.

It felt like the sky was falling.

Leng Keyan shrank back a little, then gathered his courage and repeated, “Yes, I like him. I want to be with him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Lu Er snapped sharply, “How old are you? What do you know about love? What you feel for Yin Siyao is just a student’s admiration for a teacher. Don’t mistake admiration for love.”

Leng Keyan refused to accept it. “I’m already twenty-one. Why wouldn’t I understand love?”

“I just like Teacher Yin—the kind where I want to marry him. If you won’t help me, I’ll go complain to Grandma and say you refuse to get married yourself and won’t let me either.”

“You…” Lu Er was both exasperated and amused by such crooked logic. “Yin Siyao has always been outstanding in both character and academics, a true gentleman. How could he possibly like men? If you insist on ruining someone, pick someone else.”

Lu Er assumed Leng Keyan was just experiencing a fleeting crush, but Yin Siyao was Song Jingmo’s friend—he couldn’t just ignore it.

“I don’t care. I only like Teacher Yin. No one else will do. And how do you know he doesn’t like men?”

Leng Keyan spoke with misplaced confidence, “I just kissed him, and he didn’t even hit me. What does that mean? It means he cares about me. Not hitting me means he doesn’t reject me, and not rejecting me means he likes me.”

Lu Er held his forehead, feeling suffocated by his nephew’s logic.

But seeing the sincerity in Leng Keyan’s eyes through the video, something in him softened.

The love of youth was so intense and burning—did he really have to be the villain who crushed it?

His mother’s constant accusations and scolding toward his father echoed in his ears, and for the first time, Lu Er began to doubt her words.

His parents had been victims of a family-arranged marriage—did that mean he should deny or even discriminate against all same-sex relationships?

That would be far too arbitrary.

“You’re serious?” Lu Er asked hesitantly.

Leng Keyan nodded firmly. “Serious—truer than gold. Uncle, please help me! You wouldn’t really want to see me stay single forever, would you?”

“If you truly like him, I can help,” Lu Er sighed, finally compromising. “But you can’t force Yin Siyao. You have to respect his choice.”

If the two of them had mutual feelings, he couldn’t just break them apart. But as soon as the words left his mouth, even Lu Er was startled.

Why could he accept and even support Leng Keyan’s relationship so calmly, yet react so strongly to Song Jingmo and Liao Xubai?

Was it simply because he disliked Liao Xubai?

That night, lying on the large bed in his villa, Lu Er couldn’t fall asleep.

Leng Keyan’s words—“If he didn’t hit me, it means he doesn’t reject me; if he doesn’t reject me, it means he likes me”—kept echoing in his mind.

The wild celebration on graduation day resurfaced vividly.

Under the influence of alcohol, he had wrapped an arm around Song Jingmo’s shoulders and kissed that cold, composed face again and again.

What happened afterward was a blur. He only remembered waking up to find the two of them naked in bed, with mottled bloodstains on the sheets.

Terrified, he had scrambled to get dressed and even pulled out a bank card from his wallet as compensation.

For six years, he had told himself it was just an accident.

He had been afraid to face the truth of that night—not because he rejected what happened, but because he was afraid Song Jingmo would be angry, afraid Song Jingmo would ignore him.

It wasn’t that he rejected intimacy between them.

After all, he didn’t react the same way with everyone.

When Cong Jinyue fed him fruit, his whole body would feel awkward, and he would instinctively avoid it.

But when Song Jingmo did the same, he felt inexplicably happy.

Li Xinghua had once mocked him for being incapable.

It was true—he had never felt any desire toward women and had even wondered if something was wrong with him.

But that night six years ago, he had clearly been very capable. In fact, he and Song Jingmo had gone at it five or six times, each time filled with excitement.

When Song Jingmo helped him bathe, the closeness would stir heat and desire within him.

It wasn’t that he rejected intimacy.

He simply didn’t reject intimacy with Song Jingmo.

This realization struck like a bolt of lightning, shattering the self-image he had carefully built over the years.

He had always believed he was completely straight, that his feelings for Song Jingmo were purely brotherly, and that all those abnormal reactions came from guilt.

Now it seemed he had been utterly wrong.

Otherwise, why would he care so much about Liao Xubai’s presence?

Why would he lose control whenever he saw Liao Xubai getting close to Song Jingmo?

Why did he always want to sabotage Song Jingmo’s closeness with others?

Only with Song Jingmo did he become so irrational, so unreasonable.

He liked Song Jingmo.

But what was the point of realizing it now?

Song Jingmo’s words—“Don’t come again”—still echoed in his ears.

That resolute tone, that cold gaze, frightened him.

Besides, Song Jingmo liked someone gentle, refined, knowledgeable, and compatible like Liao Xubai.

He himself was just a poor student who barely managed to graduate.

If he confessed now, wouldn’t it be the same as trying to steal someone else’s partner—becoming a shameless third party?

Just thinking about it made him feel disgusted with himself.

Like a rat in the gutter—he despised himself.

If only he had realized his feelings earlier…
If only he hadn’t run away six years ago…
If only he had faced his emotions bravely…

Would things have turned out differently?

But in this world, there were no “what ifs.”

At this moment, Lu Er felt hopelessly foolish—good for nothing.

Even if he understood his feelings now, it was too late.

Song Jingmo had already chosen Liao Xubai.

During those six years abroad, it was Liao Xubai who had been by Song Jingmo’s side—not him.

He had been foolish and cruel, even using money to humiliate him.

He didn’t deserve Song Jingmo.

That realization made Lu Er close his eyes in pain.

Outside the window, the night was deep and silent.

Lying in bed, Lu Er’s heart waged a fierce battle—

Should he respect Song Jingmo’s choice and quietly step away? Or follow his heart and fight for someone who might have once belonged to him?

At the hospital, Song Jingmo was also unable to sleep.

Watching the sky gradually lighten outside the window, he felt both heartache and confusion over Lu Er’s reaction earlier that day.

That intense jealousy, that almost instinctive possessiveness—was it really just an overprotective straight man’s reaction toward a friend?

Or did Lu Er harbor even a trace of affection for him?

Song Jingmo let out a bitter laugh and rubbed his forehead.

The lesson from six years ago had already been painful enough—he couldn’t make the same mistake again.

Some boundaries, once crossed, could never be undone.

Besides, Lu Er’s family would never accept him.

Rather than letting both of them suffer, it would be better for him to bear all the pain alone.