SBCEJM -Chapter 33 The Living Yama Eats Melons, the Grand Tutor Coughs Blood

Inside the Hanlin Academy compiler’s office, Feng Zexuan’s thoughts stirred slightly.

The air beside her suddenly twisted.

Feng Zekai appeared out of nowhere, landing neatly in the seat beside her.

The light before his eyes dimmed abruptly.

From that strange realm bright as daylight, he had fallen back into this gloomy side room filtered through paper windows. His pupils instinctively contracted.

After steadying himself, he surveyed the small office before finally looking back at his younger sister.

The shock in his eyes had yet to fade when a new layer of awe emerged.

His mind was still replaying everything he had just seen.

That place was absolutely not of the mortal world.

Above hung a glowing “glass orb” that shone a hundred times brighter than candlelight.

And that soft couch—once someone sat on it, half their body would sink in, supported gently by some invisible force.

But what shook him most were the books on the shelves.

The paper was smooth and delicate, cut with perfect precision.

The words upon them were not handwritten, but rather… printed.

Every character was exactly the same size, every stroke crisp and clear, orderly to a terrifying degree.

He instantly understood what that meant.

If such a technique were revealed to the world, then within five years, the number of scholars in Great Xia could increase tenfold!

What a magnificent sight that would be.

And what a terrifying transformation.

“Brother, come back to earth.”

Feng Zexuan’s voice pulled him back to reality.

Feng Zekai’s chest rose and fell rapidly, his voice trembling.

“Xuan’er… that place… was it an immortal’s cave dwelling?”

“Just think of it that way.” Feng Zexuan answered vaguely, unwilling to explain further.

She pushed a stack of documents half a foot tall onto the desk before him.

“Brother, these are old files that need organizing and cross-checking today. Familiarize yourself with them first—consider it practice.”

Suppressing the countless thoughts in his heart, Feng Zekai nodded solemnly.

He picked up a scroll and unfolded it.

Very quickly, he calmed down entirely, immersing himself in the work. The gentle focus in his brows and eyes returned.

Feng Zexuan watched with satisfaction.

Mission accomplished.

With a flash, she returned to her portable little apartment.

In the kitchen, she skillfully boiled water, opened a packet of instant noodles, cracked in two eggs, and sliced up two sausages.

A rich aroma quickly spread through the room.

Carrying the bowl, she thought for a moment and “invited” Feng Zekai back in again.

“Brother, time to eat!”

Feng Zekai had been buried in paperwork. In the blink of an eye, the scenery changed again, and the familiar modern atmosphere rushed at him. He was still clutching the scroll in his hand.

A steaming bowl of noodles fragrant enough to make mouths water was pushed before him.

Golden curly noodles topped with green scallions, neatly sliced sausage, and soft-centered eggs.

“This is…”

“Instant noodles! Fast food from our world. Try it!” Feng Zexuan handed him a pair of chopsticks.

Feng Zekai carefully picked up a bite of noodles, blew on them, and placed them into his mouth.

An overwhelmingly rich savory flavor instantly exploded across his taste buds. The noodles were springy, the broth thick and flavorful—a taste he had never experienced before.

After several quick bites, sweat formed on his forehead, and warmth spread through his entire body.

Feng Zexuan then took an ice-cold can of cola from the refrigerator and popped it open with a psshht.

“Drink this to quench your thirst.”

Feng Zekai accepted the icy black metal can and cautiously copied his sister, taking a sip.

Countless bubbles burst on his tongue, while a strange sweet taste tinged with medicinal fragrance shot straight to his head.

“Cough—cough!”

He choked twice, his eyes filled with curiosity.

After the meal, Feng Zexuan sent him back to the office while she herself flopped onto the soft bed and enjoyed a comfortable afternoon nap.

She slept soundly all the way until late afternoon.

By the time she stretched lazily and emerged from the space, the half-foot-tall pile of documents before Feng Zekai had already been sorted neatly into categories.

Each stack carried labels specifying the year and contents of the files.

She casually picked up the top annotated report. In Feng Zekai’s elegant official script, several contradictions in the records had been clearly listed, complete with citations and proposed corrections.

【Wow! My brother is a god! His professional skills are eight streets ahead of mine!】

【With him around, I can finally achieve my dream of slacking off at work!】

Hearing his sister’s inner thoughts while organizing scrolls, Feng Zekai’s lips curled upward slightly.

Feng Zexuan was in such a good mood she wanted to hum.

After greeting her brother, she pushed open the door and walked into the Hanlin Academy’s shared office area.

【Hehehe, since I’m free anyway, time to start eating melons!】

She rubbed her hands together, ready for a grand harvest of gossip.

However, the moment she appeared, the entire Hanlin Academy fell into dead silence.

The quiet conversations stopped abruptly.

Whether they were editors organizing scrolls or lecturers discussing matters in low voices, everyone froze simultaneously.

The next second, every single head instantly buried itself into the books before them, as though they wished they could glue their faces onto the pages.

An invisible pressure of fear enveloped the entire hall.

A walking human thunderbolt.

A mobile gossip-exploding Living Yama King.

Those were the newest labels the Hanlin Academy staff had secretly given her.

And now, on her very first day here, this Living Yama wanted to dig into their scandals?

For a moment, countless officials broke into cold sweat, their necks turning icy as they desperately recalled whether they had done anything shameful recently.

At that moment, from the corner of the room, Hanlin Scholar Li Wenyuan—the white-haired Imperial Tutor who had served three generations of emperors—let out a heavy cough.

“Ahem!”

The sound was not loud, but it carried authority, clearly reminding everyone to mind their decorum.

Feng Zexuan’s gaze was instantly drawn over.

Her eyes locked precisely onto the old man renowned as the titan of the scholarly world and a moral role model.

System, him!

Let me see what color underwear this great mountain of virtue is wearing!

【Ding! An A-rank melon has been delivered at high speed!】

The system’s voice carried undisguised excitement.

【Li Wenyuan, sixty-eight years old. Outwardly incorruptible and righteous, living a life of pure honesty—yet his private life is extremely chaotic.】

【His “Yongzhu Villa” outside the capital is supposedly an elegant retreat, but in reality it is a den of pleasure. He secretly keeps five mistresses there, along with three delicate male companions purchased from a male brothel.】

【He has also maintained a three-year relationship with Ruyi, the top courtesan of the capital’s number one brothel, “Drunken Spring Breeze,” spending lavishly night after night. His expenses far exceed his official salary.】

Holy crap!

Feng Zexuan sucked in a sharp breath internally.

【This old man is almost seventy?! His appetite’s still this strong? Men and women alike? Damn, he’s aging like a war god!】

All the officials eavesdropping nearly fainted from the bombshell.

Li… Scholar Li?

The teacher who constantly lectured them about “preserving heavenly principles and destroying human desires”?

The moral pillar who had publicly condemned officials for extravagant lifestyles?

And he played this wildly behind closed doors?!

Several younger officials felt their worldview crumbling.

Just as everyone’s beliefs shattered into pieces, the system spoke again—this time with manic excitement as though preparing to blow the heavens apart.

【Warning! Warning! Dog-blood drama escalation detected! Ahead lies an SSS-rank ethical-disaster melon!】

【That courtesan Ruyi, whom Li Wenyuan showered with gold just for nights together…】

The system deliberately paused, dangling everyone’s curiosity to the limit.

【Is actually the daughter born from Li Wenyuan’s affair with a peasant woman during his studies in Jiangnan twenty years ago—】

Another pause.

Like a giant hammer gathering momentum before impact.

【His biological daughter!】

【Most explosively of all—he himself has absolutely no idea!】

Clang—!

A sharp crash startled everyone violently.

Li Wenyuan abruptly shot to his feet, knocking the Hetian jade paperweight from the desk. It shattered into pieces on the floor.

The old man’s eyes bulged wide, blood vessels filling them as he stared fixedly in Feng Zexuan’s direction.

His lips trembled violently. The face that normally carried the lofty bearing of an immortal sage was now purple-red like pig liver.

He lifted a shaking finger toward Feng Zexuan, seemingly trying to say something, yet unable to force out a single word. His breath lodged in his chest.

“Y-you…”

“Pffft—!”

A mouthful of blood suddenly sprayed out, splattering all across the desk before him.