SBCEJM -Chapter 29 Her Majesty the Empress Has a Clean Freak Streak — Does His Majesty Need a Full Scrub Before Bed?

【But then again, being handsome doesn’t mean he’s actually husband material.】

【Who knows what kind of unspeakable quirks are hiding underneath that handsome middle-aged emperor exterior.】

The heart that had just settled back into Feng Huai’an’s chest shot straight up into his throat again.

Ancestor above!

Couldn’t she just finish a compliment properly?!

Why did she always have to lift someone up into the clouds first, then immediately kick them straight into the mud and stomp on them a few more times for good measure?!

On the dragon throne, the slight ease that had just appeared between Xiao Juechen’s brows instantly twisted back into a deep frown.

The warmth in his eyes cooled inch by inch.

Of course.

He should’ve known it. Any compliment this rebellious minister gave him was only setting up an even harsher insult afterward.

Meanwhile, Feng Zexuan’s gossip-loving soul was already blazing with excitement.

【System, give me something juicy! Does Her Majesty the Empress have any shocking secrets?】

The system replied: 【Actually, our valiant and imposing Empress Liu has a secret… she’s an extreme clean freak.】

A clean freak?

Xiao Juechen arched a brow slightly.

The officials throughout the court also perked up their ears. What kind of explosive gossip was that? Everyone knew the Empress loved cleanliness.

But the next second—

Feng Zexuan’s inner voice plunged the entire Golden Hall into dead silence.

【How extreme are we talking?】

【Well… every single time the emperor goes to spend the night with her, she thinks His Majesty is “dirty.”】

Xiao Juechen’s mind went completely blank.

The Empress actually dared… despise him for being dirty?!

【So before every bedtime visit, Her Majesty secretly orders her trusted eunuchs to scrub the emperor from head to toe—hair strands to toenail cracks—three full times!】

【They absolutely have to scrub him spotless and remove all traces of those other women’s “worldly dragon stink”!】

【HAHAHAHAHA! I’m dying! This isn’t sharing a bed—it’s like the de-hairing process before slaughtering a pig at a butcherhouse!】

【Apparently one time a young eunuch scrubbed too hard and rubbed the skin clean off His Majesty’s inner thigh!】

【The emperor was in so much pain he walked like a duck for days afterward!】

“PFFT—cough cough cough cough!”

This time, it wasn’t just one person.

An elderly white-bearded minister standing at the front flushed crimson from holding back laughter and nearly choked on his own breath, erupting into violent coughing. His old face turned the color of pig liver.

Then came a chain reaction of muffled grunts and sharp intakes of breath spreading quietly through the hall.

Every official had their head lowered as far as possible, but their shoulders shook uncontrollably.

It was over.

If they kept suppressing it, they were all going to suffer internal injuries from holding in laughter!

And atop the dragon throne, Xiao Juechen’s complexion had gone from iron-green to deathly pale.

He gripped the armrests of the throne so hard his nails dug deep into the sandalwood grooves, the veins on the back of his hands bulging like vicious dragons about to burst free.

So that was why!

No wonder every time he visited Kunning Palace, he was forced into that enormous bath barrel and repeatedly drenched with scalding hot water hot enough to peel skin off!

No wonder they always dumped countless flower petals and fragrant spices into the water, changing bucket after bucket!

The palace servants had even told him the Empress was simply concerned about his exhausting workload and wanted to soothe his fatigue!

He’d actually been touched by it!

He’d even thought that although the Empress was domineering and overbearing, she still cared about him deep down!

But it turned out…

It turned out it wasn’t consideration at all!

It was disgust!

Complete and utter disgust!!!

He—the Son of Heaven! The exalted ruler of the realm!

In his own Empress’s eyes, he was nothing more than a filthy slab of meat that needed repeated scrubbing, disinfecting, and de-hairing before it could even be touched?!

Utter humiliation!

This was a humiliation ten thousand times worse than being called a “rotten cucumber”!!!

【Still, if you think about it, from a modern perspective, ancient emperors really were basically just walking used rags…】

Used rag?

The raging fury in Xiao Juechen’s eyes paused briefly at this unfamiliar term.

What kind of thing was that?

And why did it sound so… offensive?

【Do the other consorts also think the emperor is dirty?】 Feng Zexuan asked curiously.

【Host, of course not!】 the system answered decisively. 【Those other consorts are just ornaments their families offered up to secure favor. They’re basically extensions of the emperor himself. Forget despising him—the moment His Majesty steps into their palace, they’d practically burn incense and thank the heavens! Every single one of them does everything possible to flatter him, wishing they could put him on an altar and worship him!】

【And that’s exactly where the problem lies.】

【His Majesty’s been blinded by all that fake adoration and sweet-talking, drowning in a sea of false tenderness. Naturally he thinks the Empress isn’t gentle enough or considerate enough.】

【Hah. Men always fall for that kind of thing!】

Feng Zexuan clicked her tongue heavily in her mind.

【After finally conquering a powerful woman who stands shoulder to shoulder with you, you turn around and resent her for not bowing obediently at your feet.】

【But think about it—can that kind of submissive self-sacrifice and forced accommodation really be called love?】

【That’s just compromise and flattery forced under imperial power when people have no other choice!】

【The person who actually dares to be herself in front of you, dares to say you’re dirty, dares to pin you into a bath barrel and scrub your skin off—that’s the one treating you like family!】

【The emperor would rather indulge in fake worship while treating the one genuine truth in his life as an insult. Tsk tsk… what a narrow worldview. Seriously narrow-minded!】

Every single word struck the hearts of every man in the Golden Hall like invisible needles.

Especially Xiao Juechen on the dragon throne.

Fake worship…

The only real sincerity…

Images flashed through his mind of those consorts gazing at him with affection layered over carefully hidden fear.

They never dared disobey him.

They never dared ask anything of him.

But Liu Mengli…

That woman would argue with him red-faced over matters of governance.

She would snatch away his wine cup whenever he drank too much.

She would… wrinkle her nose in disgust while pinning him into a bathtub and scrubbing him spotless.

All because, in her heart, Xiao Juechen was first her husband—and only afterward the emperor of Great Xia.

His memories suddenly returned to that sweltering afternoon years ago.

That little girl with two tiny hair buns, fierce as a tiger cub, standing protectively in front of him while driving away everyone who bullied him, then arrogantly declaring:

“From now on, I’ll protect you!”

One version of her had protected him during his most miserable youth.

The other despised him after he ascended to supreme power.

They seemed completely opposite.

Yet the sincerity behind both—the honesty untainted by fear of status or position—was exactly the same.

So it turned out…

From beginning to end, the person who had treated him with the greatest sincerity had always been her.

And he had mistaken that unique sincerity for disrespect.

As proof that she dishonored imperial authority and failed in her duties as a wife.

He…

Sitting upon that cold dragon throne, Xiao Juechen felt as though an invisible hand had seized his heart, squeezing so tightly he could barely breathe.

He truly fucking deserved to die.