SBCEJM -Chapter 16 So… Am I Wearing This Green Hat or Not?

???

A string of question marks exploded simultaneously in the minds of three people.

Emperor Xiao Juechen, Censor-in-Chief Feng Huai’an, and professional gossip enthusiast Feng Zexuan.

All three wore the same utterly bewildered expression.

After one second of total system failure, Feng Zexuan’s brain finally rebooted.

【He… castrated himself? He’s a eunuch?!】

【Holy shit, this plot twist is NOT what I expected! So what exactly does Consort Xian see in him? His sisterly bond? His elegant orchid-finger pose?】

【Then how are they even having an affair…? Emotional cheating? Are they out here playing pure love and Platonic romance?!】

Xiao Juechen: “…”

Feng Huai’an: “…”

What the hell was “Platonic” supposed to mean?!

The emperor’s face turned into a full-on dye workshop, cycling repeatedly between green, pale, black, and white like a living masterclass in opera face-changing.

Even the invisible green hat above his head seemed to flicker uncertainly.

So…

A eunuch and an imperial consort.

Did this count as being cuckolded or not?

Was he wearing this green hat… or wasn’t he?

The system chimed in:

【That’s right! Host, you guessed half of it correctly!】

【Consort Xian and the Commander of the Imperial Guards were childhood sweethearts! Six years ago, both their families were exterminated under the emperor’s orders! Only the two of them survived after loyal servants secretly smuggled them away.】

【That’s why one endured humiliation to enter the palace as a consort, while the other cut himself and entered the palace as a eunuch guard. They’ve been waiting for a chance to join forces and avenge their families!】

Realization dawned on Feng Zexuan.

So this wasn’t some melodramatic adultery plot.

This was a full-blown revenge alliance forged through blood and tragedy!

【Damn! So it’s a tragic-beautiful-power-couple revenge storyline! They’re not cheating at all—it’s a Platonic romance plus revolutionary comrades who’d die for each other!】

【Wait a second! System, hurry and investigate those extermination cases from back then. Was there some shocking miscarriage of justice involved?!】

Xiao Juechen’s body stiffened slightly.

The extermination cases from six years ago?

Which one?

Ever since ascending the throne, he had used ruthless methods to stabilize imperial authority and purge remnants of the previous regime.

Cases involving execution of entire clans…

There had honestly been quite a few.

For a moment, he couldn’t even remember which families these were.

But he had always believed that every case had gone through proper judicial review, with solid evidence and fair judgment.

Could it be…

Had he truly wronged loyal subjects?

The thought had only just surfaced when the system interrupted him.

【The emperor did not wrong them. Their families really were traitors who colluded with foreign enemies and sold military intelligence. The evidence was conclusive.】

【However, the two childhood sweethearts were still very young at the time and knew nothing about it. Their families deceived them into believing the emperor fabricated charges in order to seize their immense wealth.】

Feng Zexuan:

【Uh… well, that’s awkward.】

【So how exactly are they planning to take revenge? Judging by how radiant Consort Xian has looked lately, don’t tell me they already succeeded? Did they poison the emperor?!】

Xiao Juechen’s heart shot straight into his throat.

The system answered:

【Exactly! And they’re just one final step away from success! With revenge nearly complete, the two of them naturally became a little more… affectionate.】

【Consort Xian learned about a secret poison from a forbidden Western Regions text and poisoned herself with it.】

【The poison is harmless to her, but if the same man sleeps with her one hundred times, then three days after the final encounter, that man’s vitality will completely collapse and he’ll die.】

【The symptoms look exactly like death from excessive indulgence. Even the most skilled physicians in the Imperial Medical Bureau would never detect the poison!】

【She keeps a specially-made notebook disguised as a poetry collection. Inside, she secretly records every time she’s slept with the emperor using coded writing. I just scanned it—the count has already reached… ninety-nine times!】

【Just one more time remains!】

【Once they sleep together again, the emperor will die from the poison three days later. And nobody would ever suspect a consort who had merely shared the emperor’s bed once three days earlier!】

Feng Zexuan listened in fascination.

Thinking through the assassination plan…

Consort Xian held a high-ranking position in the harem. After the emperor’s death, regardless of whether she had children, she would never be buried alongside him.

She could comfortably remain in the palace as a leisurely dowager consort while secretly meeting her beloved “Xiao-lang” whenever she pleased…

Just imagining that kind of life…

Honestly, it sounded amazing?!

【What a clever and fierce woman. If the emperor really were some tyrannical butcher who slaughtered innocents, I might’ve just turned a blind eye and enjoyed the drama.】

【Unfortunately, while the current emperor has a few flaws, he’s overall still a pretty good ruler. So I guess this tragic pair will just have to be sacrificed…】

Feng Zexuan sighed inwardly and had already begun planning how to secretly send the emperor an anonymous warning later.

No matter what—he absolutely could not sleep with Consort Xian again!

What mattered more, his life or three seconds of pleasure?

Surely the emperor could tell the difference.

What she didn’t know was that Xiao Juechen had heard every single word of her inner thoughts.

The emperor’s temples throbbed violently.

Half from lingering fear.

Half from rage.

What a vicious woman! What a sinister scheme!

He had shared a bed ninety-nine times with a poisonous woman who had been plotting his death from the very beginning!

At the same time, a chill shot from the soles of his feet straight to the top of his head.

Because originally…

Originally, he had planned to visit Jingren Palace tonight and spend the night with Consort Xian.

Just one final time.

He had been that close to becoming the poor bastard drained dry to death.

Death itself didn’t frighten him that much.

But dying from “overexertion in bed”?

Would he still have any face left?!

Would the imperial Xiao family still have any dignity left?!

How would future historians write about him?

Secret History of Great Xia: The Horseback Emperor’s Fatal Bedroom Collapse?

Utter humiliation!

Far more unbearable than wearing a green hat!

Just as Xiao Juechen’s emotions teetered on the edge between fury and relief, the system suddenly spoke again with unmistakable excitement.

【HOST!! HIGH-ENERGY ALERT AHEAD! Right now, Consort Xian is secretly meeting with that Imperial Guard Commander inside her palace!】

【They can’t exactly do anything, but hugging, embracing, and confessing their feelings is definitely happening! Hurry! Bring the emperor over to catch them in the act! A live broadcast like this will absolutely be explosive!】

Feng Zexuan:

【!!!】

【Go now? What excuse am I supposed to use? Can an outside official even casually enter the imperial harem?!】

The moment her thoughts ended, the emperor moved first.

Xiao Juechen took a deep breath, forcibly suppressing the murderous intent surging in his eyes. His face once again regained the calm dignity of an emperor.

“I heard that Consort Xian caught a chill yesterday and is feeling unwell. I am concerned for her health and have decided to personally visit and check on her.”

His gaze shifted toward the nearly terrified Feng Huai’an and the outwardly cold and composed Feng Zexuan.

“The two of you shall accompany me.”