HCT – Chapter 17 Stir-Fried Pork with Palms Up

Zhu Xiang wanted to put the dagger away, but Ying Zheng clung to it tightly.

Ying Zheng took off the red pouch from his neck and raised both hands high. “Uncle, this is for you!”

He was offering his New Year’s money in exchange—please don’t take Zheng’er’s dagger away!

The little future Emperor Qin looked at his uncle with pleading eyes, pitiful to the extreme.

Zhu Xiang tried to reason patiently, “Zheng’er, this dagger has a sharpened edge. It’s too dangerous. Let your uncle keep it for you for now. I’ll return it when you’re older, okay?”

Ying Zheng shoved the red pouch into Zhu Xiang’s hands and hugged the dagger even tighter. “No!”

Zhu Xiang kept trying to persuade him, but Ying Zheng turned his back on him. Not listening, not listening. Just not listening.

Zhu Xiang was utterly helpless.

So young and already showing the autocratic will of the future First Emperor? Has his well-behaved little nephew turned into a brat?

“Zheng’er, don’t play with dangerous things,” Xue said sternly as she walked over slowly. “Auntie has told you this before, and you agreed. Candles, blades, anything sharp—you can’t play with them.”

Ying Zheng bolted. “Nooo!”

Xue reached out and grabbed the back of his collar.

Ying Zheng started screaming, “Let me go!”

Xue picked him up around the waist and pried the dagger from his arms, handing it to Zhu Xiang.

Ying Zheng kicked and wailed at the top of his lungs.

Xue carried him toward the house.

Zhu Xiang tried to intervene quickly, “Xue, Zheng’er is still little…”

Xue turned and said, “Husband, I know you spoil him, but some things can’t be compromised on. If you can’t bear to do it, then stay here. I’ll be back soon.”

Zhu Xiang knew he couldn’t stop her. He sighed, “Go easy.”

Xue nodded, carrying the screaming, kicking Ying Zheng away.

Zhu Xiang kept sighing—but the corners of his mouth were suspiciously lifted.

Li Mu and Cai Ze had been watching the scene unfold with amusement. They asked curiously, “What’s Lady Xue going to do?”

Zhu Xiang carefully tucked away both the dagger and the red pouch full of New Year’s money. “She’s definitely going to spank Zheng’er’s little butt.”

Li Mu looked a bit awkward. “Is it because of the dagger I gave him?”

Zhu Xiang replied, “No. Xue has told him many times not to play with dangerous things. But Zheng’er is just so fond of shiny weapons. He never learns. Still, he used to listen when we told him off—he’d obediently hand over the dangerous items. This time it’s probably because the dagger you gave him is just too pretty. He didn’t want to give it up. In our house, I play the doting father, and Xue is the strict mother. Heh heh.”

Cai Ze sighed helplessly. “What are you laughing like that for? ‘If a child is not taught, it’s the fault of the father.’ You can’t keep spoiling him and neglect strict discipline.”

Zhu Xiang scratched his nose. “I know that, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.”

He also knew sometimes he needed to give Zheng’er’s little bottom a few pats to correct bad habits. But the moment he remembered this was the future First Emperor, he simply couldn’t bring himself to raise his hand. So it was always left to Xue to play the bad cop.

Still, even if he couldn’t bring himself to do it, Zhu Xiang was more than happy to watch the little First Emperor get spanked.

And so, gleefully, Zhu Xiang tiptoed over to spy on Ying Zheng’s punishment. Li Mu and Cai Ze exchanged a glance and chose to stay behind and tidy up the bonfire—this kind of childishness wasn’t worth their time.

Xun Kuang, being much older, had gone to bed early. If he’d been awake, he would’ve pulled out a ruler and smacked Zhu Xiang on the head twice.

Won’t discipline the child—deserves a beating! Laughs at the child being disciplined—also deserves a beating!

Xue didn’t waste time. By the time Zhu Xiang peeked in to spy on the spanking, Xue had already pulled down Ying Zheng’s pants, laid him across her knee, and the sound of smack smack smack was ringing through the room.

She had studied Zhu Xiang’s theories on childrearing. Kids have their pride, so punishment should be done in private. Close the door before disciplining.

So she had taken Ying Zheng to the inner room before baring his bottom for the spanking.

Ying Zheng, who had suffered much humiliation since birth, had never had his pants pulled down and been spanked by an elder before.

Not even the future version of himself in the dream room had experienced such disgrace.

As he flailed and screamed on her lap, he didn’t yet grasp the gravity of the situation.

When his little bottom suddenly felt the chill of the air, he still didn’t realize how bad it was.

But when the sharp sound came along with a fiery sting on his behind, Ying Zheng’s scream choked off—and he finally understood.

I-I-I… I’m being spanked by Auntie?!

Ugh… AAAHHHH?! The Emperor is getting his butt spanked with his pants down?! You—you actually… you actually…

He turned his head in horror while lying belly-down, just in time to see his aunt raise her rough hands high again—expressionless.

“Uncle!!!!!!”

Ying Zheng scrambled with arms and legs, trying to crawl off her lap.

But at only two years old, Xue held him down effortlessly with one hand. Another sharp sting landed on his bottom—and the tears he had been holding back through all his howling finally burst out.

At the door, his uncle Zhu Xiang was peeking in quietly.

Hands covering his eyes, but his fingers were spread very wide.

Oh dear, look at that—there’s the little First Emperor getting spanked for being disobedient. Tsk tsk, crying and snot everywhere. So tragic. What a miserable sight.

Let’s get another good look!

Zhu Xiang was having a grand time. This is definitely going into the diary!

Ying Zheng spotted him.

His uncle looked like he was shielding his eyes out of sympathy, but the corners of his mouth were already grinning wide enough to split.

The clever little Ying Zheng finally understood—his wicked uncle had never intended to save him. He was enjoying the spectacle of him getting spanked!

Just wait until I grow up… just wait until I grow up…

The little emperor’s sharp mind started spinning rapidly, and he finally realized what he should do in this situation.

“Auntie! Zheng’er was wrong! Zheng’er won’t dare again! Zheng’er will never play with dangerous weapons again!” Ying Zheng screamed at the top of his lungs, “Zheng’er was wrong!!”

Xue put down the hand she had raised high.

A hint of disappointment flashed in Zhu Xiang’s eyes. He hadn’t expected Zheng’er to be so smart, realizing the correct approach right away. Sigh…

Xue pulled up Ying Zheng’s pants and took out a handkerchief to wipe his runny nose and tears. “Auntie only spanked you a few times with her bare hand, and it already hurts so much you’re crying. If you were actually injured by a blade, how much more painful would that be? Your New Year’s money and toys will be kept safe by your uncle and me. Once you grow up, everything will be returned to you.”

Zhu Xiang, having seen enough of the fun, walked over and said, “As long as you learn to read and do math, you’ll be allowed to manage your own money. And once you learn how to use a weapon properly, the dagger will be returned to you. But right now, since you don’t know anything yet, your belongings must be kept by the adults. Understood?”

Ying Zheng drooped his head and muttered, “So giving my New Year’s money to Uncle in exchange for the dagger was pointless…”

Zhu Xiang chuckled, “Yes, pointless. I’m taking your money anyway.”

Ying Zheng looked like he was going to cry again.

Zhu Xiang laughed heartily. No wonder elders love taking their kids’ red envelopes and dangerous toys right in front of them—it’s so satisfying to watch their expressions change from joy to despair!

Is this the twisted pleasure of being an elder?

But Zhu Xiang wasn’t entirely heartless. He cut pieces of paper into palm-sized sheets, had Xue sew them together with thread into a little booklet, and carefully wrote down all the gifts and red envelopes Ying Zheng received today.

He handed the little booklet to Ying Zheng. “This is your private account book. Right now, your uncle is saving money and gifts for you. When you grow up, you’ll have a whole stash. Everything you get from now on will be recorded here.”

Ying Zheng hugged the account book tightly. “Really?”

Zhu Xiang smiled. “Of course. Uncle will even prepare a small warehouse just for Zheng’er to store his treasures.”

Ying Zheng pouted, “I want a pretty wooden box to keep the dagger Teacher gave me.”

Zhu Xiang nodded. “Alright, tomorrow we’ll go visit Xiang He and have him custom-make a small wooden box just for your dagger.”

Ying Zheng finally stopped pouting.

Children’s emotions rise and fall quickly. Before long, Ying Zheng was completely smitten with his account book, having already tossed the earlier spanking out of his mind.

Zhu Xiang reached out and poked his chubby little butt. “Does it hurt?”

Ying Zheng jumped up. “Uncle!”

Zhu Xiang burst out laughing, “Hahahaha!” Poking the sore spot—so fun!

Fuming, Ying Zheng started headbutting Zhu Xiang, but didn’t dare do anything to his aunt who had just spanked him.

Watching her husband and nephew bicker again, Xue couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

She had been worried that punishing Zheng’er might make him resent her. But all the older women she consulted told her that children must be disciplined—if you spoil them now, you’ll regret it in the future.

Luckily, Zheng’er was a good kid, and her husband supported her too.

“Alright, General Li and Mister Cai are still waiting outside,” Xue said once the two had made enough fuss.

She hesitated, then asked with some concern, “Zheng’er, does it still hurt?”

Ying Zheng originally wanted to say it didn’t anymore, but upon seeing his aunt’s concerned expression, he changed his mind. “It hurts~.”

Xue picked him up and gently stroked his cheek, guiltily saying, “Auntie will be gentler next time.”

Ying Zheng pouted, “Can there be no next time?”

Xue tried to keep a straight face. “If Zheng’er behaves, then there won’t be a next time.”

Zhu Xiang immediately cut in, “That’s unlikely. Xue, I’ll find you a thin bamboo stick next time. It hurts more when used, but won’t injure him. No need to hurt your hands spanking him.”

Ying Zheng shrieked, “Uncle!!”

Zhu Xiang: “Hahahahahaha!”

Xue couldn’t hold a straight face anymore and burst out laughing. “Dear, don’t tease Zheng’er.”

Zhu Xiang laughed even harder. “I’m not teasing. I’m serious!”

Ying Zheng puffed up his cheeks in anger, looking like he wanted to punch his uncle.

Li Mu and Cai Ze, who had been a bit worried that the discipline might have been too harsh, heard Zhu Xiang’s unrestrained laughter and Ying Zheng’s loud tantrum soon after.

They exchanged a glance and relaxed.

Though they weren’t overly indulgent with their own children, it was hard not to spoil Zheng’er. And besides, it was the New Year—it wouldn’t have felt right to scold a child too harshly.

“Uncle, I hate you!” Even though it was his aunt who had spanked him, Ying Zheng decided to hate his uncle instead.

Zhu Xiang replied with a serious face, “Alright then, Zheng’er, you must keep hating your uncle until sunrise tomorrow!”

Ying Zheng stubbornly said, “Not just tomorrow! I’ll still hate you the day after tomorrow!”

Zhu Xiang feigned regret. “Really? The day after tomorrow is Zheng’er’s birthday. Uncle was planning to make something super tasty that Zheng’er has never had before. Looks like someone won’t get to eat it now. Uncle can’t cook a feast if he’s hated.”

Ying Zheng: “…”

Xue laughed so hard she nearly couldn’t hold her nephew anymore.

Li Mu and Cai Ze exchanged another helpless look.

Li Mu: This uncle is even more childish than his nephew.

Cai Ze: Poor Zheng’er…