HNYWEF -Chapter 9 At a Loss

Early the next morning, Cheng Yaojin was summoned into the palace.

He thought Li Shimin had some urgent matter to discuss, so he hurried over eagerly. But the moment he arrived, Li Shimin simply said:

“Zhijie, go there again today.”

Cheng Yaojin froze for a moment. “Go where?”

Li Shimin said nothing, only looked at him.

Then Cheng Yaojin realized.

“The south side of the city?”

Li Shimin nodded.

Cheng Yaojin scratched his head but did not move.

After waiting a moment and seeing him stay silent, Li Shimin asked, “What’s wrong?”

Cheng Yaojin opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Li Shimin looked at him, his brows slowly knitting together. “Zhijie?”

After holding it in for a long while, Cheng Yaojin finally forced out a sentence:

“Qin Wang, this subject feels… it’s not appropriate to go right now.”

Li Shimin was stunned for a moment.

He had just heard Qin Qiong say the exact same thing last night.

He asked, “Why is it inappropriate?”

Cheng Yaojin lowered his head, staring at the tips of his boots as he muttered in a muffled voice,

“After I came back from his place that day, I told the brothers about it. Yuchi Gong and the others kept insisting on going to see him, but I stopped them.”

Li Shimin waited for him to continue.

Cheng Yaojin lifted his head and looked at Li Shimin, speaking with unusual seriousness.

“Qin Wang, in the state he’s in now, if a whole crowd of us surrounds him, do you think he can handle it?”

Li Shimin said nothing.

Cheng Yaojin continued,

“I stayed with him the entire night. Aside from asking me to send three men to escort you over, he didn’t say anything else.

What kind of person was he before? He could curse me nonstop for an entire morning without repeating himself once!”

Li Shimin remained silent.

Cheng Yaojin scratched his head again, his voice lowering.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go. I do. But I don’t know what I’d even do if I went. Talk to him? He won’t speak. Invite him to drink? He tossed the wine gourd to me and shut himself in the inner room. I sat there feeling uncomfortable all over.”

He paused.

“I think… what he needs right now isn’t us.”

Li Shimin asked, “Then what does he need?”

Cheng Yaojin shook his head.

“I don’t know.”

After thinking for a moment, he added,

“But I do know what we shouldn’t do—we shouldn’t go charging over there in a big crowd, we shouldn’t bring up the past, and we shouldn’t make him remember… remember those things.”

He never said what “those things” were.

Li Shimin knew.

The room fell silent.

After a long while, Li Shimin finally spoke.

“Qin Qiong said the same thing.”

Cheng Yaojin froze. “Second Brother Qin?”

Li Shimin nodded. “That was his opinion last night too. He said we shouldn’t provoke him right now. Wait until everything settles down, then leave him to you.”

Cheng Yaojin scratched his head. “Second Brother Qin’s right.”

Li Shimin looked at him suddenly and asked,

“Then what do you think we should do once everything has settled down?”

Cheng Yaojin was stumped.

He stood there with his mouth open for a long time, unable to say a word.

What should they do?

He didn’t know.

All he knew was that Zhou Xiong had changed.

Changed into someone he no longer recognized.

That chatterbox from before, that carefree fool who laughed without a worry in the world—now his eyes were empty. Back then, if he suffered some grievance, he could go pick a fight with someone, and after the fight they could still sling arms around each other’s shoulders and go drinking together. But now, who could he fight over the grievances he carried?

Fight Li Shimin?

Cheng Yaojin glanced at Li Shimin.

Li Shimin sat there pale-faced, dark circles under his eyes, thinner than before.

Could he really let Zhou Xiong beat him up?

If Zhou Xiong were still the old Zhou Xiong, this would actually be easier.

Let him throw a beating.

A brutal one.

After the beating, once he’d vented his anger, the two of them could sit down and drink. As they drank, they’d start talking. Once the talking started, things would pass.

Back in Wagang Fortress, wasn’t that how they always handled things?

But the Zhou Xiong now didn’t speak, didn’t make a sound, his eyes hollow and empty.

Even if you told him to hit someone, he might not even want to.

At that thought, Cheng Yaojin suddenly felt utterly useless.

He had spent half his life fighting wars, yet now he did not even know what to do about his own brother.

Li Shimin looked at him, as if seeing straight through his thoughts.

“Zhijie,” Li Shimin said, “I don’t know what to do either.”

Cheng Yaojin raised his head.

Li Shimin leaned there, looking as though something had been hollowed out of him.

“He saved me,” Li Shimin said. “But he had every reason not to. I know he did.

“The debt I owe him has grown by another layer, yet I don’t know how to repay it.”

He paused.

“When he used to be like that before, I knew how to deal with it. Let him curse me, let him hit me, let him vent his anger—anything was fine. But the way he is now…”

Li Shimin did not finish.

Cheng Yaojin finished for him.

“At a loss.”

Li Shimin nodded.

The two men sat in the room without speaking.

Outside, the sun had risen, shining brightly against the window paper.

Suddenly, Cheng Yaojin asked, “Qin Wang… do you really want to go see him?”

Li Shimin did not answer.

After waiting a moment, Cheng Yaojin asked again, “If you went… what would you even say to him?”

Li Shimin was silent for a long time.

So long that Cheng Yaojin thought he would never answer.

Then Li Shimin finally spoke.

“I don’t know.”

He said quietly,

“I really don’t know.”

Cheng Yaojin lowered his head.

He looked at his own hands.

Those hands had carried Li Shimin and knocked on that door.

Those hands had accepted that gourd and drunk that pot of wine.

And now those hands no longer knew what they were supposed to do.

He scratched his head.

“Qin Wang,” he said, “I think this matter can’t be rushed.”

Li Shimin looked at him.

“He saved you—that was his choice. But the hurdle in his heart… he has to cross it himself.”

Li Shimin stayed silent.

After a long while, he nodded.

“Zhijie,” he said, “you’re right.”

Cheng Yaojin stood up.

“Qin Wang, you go ahead and handle your affairs. I’ll head to the military camp for a look. Those little bastards haven’t seen me for days—they’re probably missing me by now.”

Li Shimin looked at him and suddenly asked, “You’re going to the camp because you’re afraid they’ll secretly go see him, aren’t you?”

Cheng Yaojin froze for a moment, then scratched his head awkwardly.

“Nothing gets past you.”

Li Shimin waved a hand.

Cheng Yaojin turned and walked out.

But when he reached the doorway, he suddenly stopped and looked back.

“Qin Wang,” he said, “I returned that pot of wine to him.”

Li Shimin looked at him.

Cheng Yaojin continued, “He just left it sitting on the table. Didn’t drink it. I don’t know whether he ever will.”

After saying that, he pushed the door open and left.

Li Shimin sat there alone.

He looked at the sunlight outside the window, at the glaring brightness.

That pot of wine.

He did not know whether that man would ever drink it again.

But he knew one thing—the man had kept the wine.

He had not thrown it away.

He had simply left it there on the table.

Li Shimin lowered his head and continued reading the memorials.

After reading for a while, he set the brush down, leaned back against the chair, and closed his eyes.

The sunlight outside was warm.

But the room was cold.