HLM -Chapter 1306 Stash Money and the Wife

Hou Haibo asked suspiciously, “Is this kind of mushroom really that common? And where did you find it?”

Atulu chuckled. “Give me fifty bucks and I’ll conjure one up for you—right here in my hand.”

“And if you can’t?” Wang Bo cut in.

Atulu said, “Then I’ll pay Monkey a hundred.”

Hou Haibo nodded. “Alright.”

He took out his wallet, pulled out a green fifty-yuan bill with Chairman Mao on it, and handed it over. “Here’s fifty. Go on, make it appear.”

Seeing this, Atulu was dumbfounded. “I didn’t mean your money—I meant New Zealand dollars!”

Hou Haibo said, “You never said NZD. You just said fifty. Atulu, you’re a grown man—don’t tell me you’re going to go back on your word. That’d be pretty embarrassing.”

“No, no, of course I won’t,” Atulu said quickly. “You give me fifty New Zealand dollars, and I’ll conjure up a sky-blue mushroom. For now, I owe you another hundred—one hundred RMB.”

He did the math. At the exchange rate, fifty NZD could be exchanged for over two hundred RMB. He was still coming out ahead.

Hou Haibo nodded. “Fine. Fifty it is.”

He tapped on his phone and said, “Sent it to your account. Now come on, make me a sky-blue mushroom.”

Na Qingyang, Li Xing, and the others burst out laughing and crowded around to watch the fun.

Atulu said helplessly, “I want cash. Paper money! Fifty NZD in cash!”

Hou Haibo said, “You didn’t have that condition. You asked for fifty, I gave you fifty. Atulu, you can’t welch on this.”

Sweat beaded on Atulu’s chubby face. “Fine—then I guess I owe you another hundred.”

Hou Haibo asked, “So, are you still going to conjure it?”

“Yes!” Atulu gritted his teeth.

Wang Bo took out fifty and handed it to Hou Haibo, who passed it to Atulu.

The Maori big man accepted the money happily. He flipped it over—and froze. “Shit, where’s the sky-blue mushroom?”

Wang Bo looked at him with pity. “You didn’t know? In the first half of this year, New Zealand changed its banknotes. The new fifty doesn’t have the sky-blue mushroom on the back anymore.”

Hou Haibo said with a cheeky grin, “Atulu, that’s another hundred. All together, that’s two hundred NZD and one hundred RMB.”

The Maori big man pretended not to hear. He muttered, “Huh? I think I saw a wild mountain goat. Quick, catch it—wild goat tastes great.”

Na Qingyang and Uncle Bing blocked his way. “You can’t go back on your word, Atulu. Men have to keep their promises.”

“Right. You don’t want people calling you a policeman with no credibility, do you?”

Atulu looked at Wang Bo helplessly. “Boss, next time you hand out bonuses, could you not deposit all of mine into my salary account? Could you deduct three hundred and give it to me in cash?”

Wang Bo said, “Don’t tell me you don’t even have three hundred in stash money?”

Atulu shook his head with a miserable face. “I don’t even have thirty.”

Hou Haibo patted his shoulder. “That’s enough, brother. You’re a true hero—a hero who’s afraid of his wife.”

Li Xing said, “You make it sound like you’re any better. Monkey, let me tell you—you’re basically the Chinese version of Atulu. When you get married, you’ll be even worse than him.”

Hou Haibo protested unhappily, “What do you mean by that, Master Xing? You think I’d be that afraid of my wife? I’m carrying a gun on my shoulder now—I’m not even afraid of damn… Strah—”

“Strah? The tram, or that dead scientist?”

Hou Haibo hurriedly corrected himself. “I meant Godzilla. I misspoke just now.”

“You’re not even married yet, and just talking about this already scares you into saying the wrong thing. When you are married, won’t it be even worse? You’ll be too scared to talk at all, won’t you?” Wang Bo laughed loudly.

Hou Haibo glared at him, grabbed Atulu’s hand, and said, “Come on, buddy. Let’s go have fun by ourselves. We won’t play with these bastards.”

Atulu shoved him away. “I’m not playing with you. You’re even more afraid of your wife than I am.”

Everyone burst into laughter.

Wang Bo waved Little Wang over, rummaged in his backpack, and pulled out beers for everyone. Raising his can, he said, “Come on—let’s drink to our wives. I know—you’re not afraid of your wives. You just respect them.”

Li Xing said, “Old Wang, you’re afraid too? It’s fine—Eva’s still far away from us.”

Wang Bo shook his head. “Let’s end this topic. Being afraid of your wife is stupid, but respecting your wife is the right thing. You have no idea how hard pregnancy and childbirth are—I’ve seen it, and even I couldn’t take it.”

Li Xing shook his head. “Men have it harder. That is—men who shoulder responsibility. I’ve seen local men in Iraq and Afghanistan. To support a family, every one of them was a true tough guy.”

Eva shouted from a distance, “Come quickly! There are lots of brown mushrooms here—they’re delicious!”

Drinking their beers, the group walked over. In a small grove ahead, many mushrooms had sprung up, and there were even oyster mushrooms, which were rare in the wild.

Wang Bo looked around and found a large reddish-brown mushroom. He picked it as well.

Seeing it, Uncle Bing immediately took it from him and tossed it aside. “That’s a false morel. It’s poisonous.”

Wang Bo said in surprise, “Didn’t that bastard Atulu say there were no poisonous mushrooms?”

Uncle Bing laughed. “How could that be? He probably just never ran into one.”

Everyone busied themselves picking mushrooms. Zhuang Ding blinked and watched for a while, wandered around the woods, then suddenly lifted his head and barked loudly.

Wang Bo went over and saw several white, egg-shaped fungi in a patch of dead grass. “What are these?”

Uncle Bing took a look. “A delicacy—stinkhorn eggs. They’re excellent stir-fried.”

Hearing they were edible, Wang Bo picked them and patted Zhuang Ding on the head. “Well done, Zhuang Ding. You’re a really good, capable kid.”

Zhuang Ding was immensely proud and kept his head held high afterward.

Seeing this, the other furry kids were dissatisfied. The Fat Cat Brothers rolled their eyes, thought for a moment, then climbed up a tree.

When they came back down, their mouths were bulging. Eva opened their mouths and saw them stuffed full of bird eggs.

She laughed helplessly. “Oh my God. Da Pang, Er Pang—we’re not short on eggs. Why are you stealing a mother bird’s eggs?”

The Fat Cat Brothers didn’t understand her words. They stood there shamelessly, full of expectation: Praise me, praise me, hurry up and praise me.

Wang Bo said, “Put the eggs away. They’re obviously just ordinary wild bird eggs. There are plenty of wild birds in the forest—it won’t affect anything.”

Uncle Bing looked at the Fat Cat Brothers and said, “A lynx’s mouth is extremely flexible and dexterous. The fact that they can hold so many eggs without breaking a single one is impressive. No wonder the Soviet army wanted to train them to dismantle landmines during World War II.”

“Did that work?”

“A whole bunch of lynxes died. In reality, the Soviets were just sending them to trigger the mines. Those people were ruthless,” Uncle Bing said, spitting on the ground.