HLM -Chapter 1305 The Mushroom-Picking Man

The rookie squabble came to an end once Eva stepped in. She called the two little birds down, poked at their heads, and said, “I’ve held it in for a whole year—for the baby, I held it in for a whole year. Today I finally get to have some fun. Whoever dares to stir up trouble, I’ll—pluck—all their feathers!”

The Commander nodded meekly. “Ah, the Commander is the goodest. Ah, the Commander is a good bird.”

The Political Commissar hurriedly nodded too. “The Commissar is obedient.”

Little Meng heard the shouting and flew down, thinking something was going on. When he saw no one paying him any attention, he blinked in confusion, then spread his wings and flew back up again.

Worried about being attacked, the Commander flew over to Wang Bo’s shoulder for protection. When everything finally calmed down, it muttered, “Ah, fascist!”

Wang Bo burst out laughing. “If your Eva-mom hears that, she’ll pluck you bald!”

The Commander shuddered and muttered, “Ah, the Commander is the goodest… ah, the Commander is the goodest…”

After the spring rain, the mountains were stunning. The rain had lasted quite a while, thoroughly soaking the land and forests. Shrubs and wild grasses that had dried up over the winter had already begun sprouting earlier, and after this rain they grew like crazy.

From the foot of the mountain to the halfway point and all the way to the summit, everything was covered in lush green grass. Unknown wildflowers bloomed freely—red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple—painting the hillsides in brilliant colors.

Eva took a deep breath twice and said dreamily, “It’s so beautiful. I never imagined the mountains could be this beautiful.”

Hou Haibo nodded. “Yeah, it’s gorgeous. The grass is so green it looks like it was painted on. It’s really easy on the eyes.”

“Thinking about those days back home, staring at computer screens every day—no way you could live like that now, right?” Na Qingyang joked.

Hou Haibo said exaggeratedly, “Absolutely impossible! I seriously wonder how I put up with it back then. Now I even admire my past self.”

Li Xing shrugged. “It’s easy to go from frugal to lavish, hard to go back from lavish to frugal.”

Following the small path behind the castle into the forest, they soon spotted some grass mushrooms growing on tree trunks.

Eva was delighted. She immediately ran over and picked them one by one. Dale held up a small basket and said, “Here, sister, put them in, put them in!”

Hou Haibo lit a cigarette, but Wang Bo flicked it out. “Don’t smoke in the woods. Except for cooking, try not to use fire at all.”

“So strict?” Hou Haibo said resentfully. “Isn’t cooking with fire more likely to cause forest fires?”

Na Qingyang shook his head. “Wrong. According to New Zealand statistics, fires caused by cooking are very few—almost negligible.”

“Why’s that?”

“Experts say it’s because when you’re cooking, you pay extra attention to the fire. That greatly lowers the risk. Smoking is different—you get used to casually tossing cigarette butts, which is much more dangerous for forests.”

Wang Bo said, “Alright, stop obsessing over smoking. By the way, I’ve got a joke about picking mushrooms. Want to hear it?”

Hou Haibo asked, “What joke?”

Wang Bo said, “So, Brother A and Xing Ye like sunbathing. They often lie in the woods enjoying themselves. There’s also a monkey who likes picking mushrooms. You know monkeys are omnivores, right?”

As soon as he said this, the three of them raised their middle fingers at him in unison. “Get lost, Old Wang. You’re stirring trouble again.”

Wang Bo chuckled. “Hear me out. This monkey counts while picking mushrooms—one, two, three, four, five. Each mushroom gets a number.”

“One day, Xing Ye is sunbathing, and the monkey doesn’t notice. It just keeps picking mushrooms as it goes—one, two, three, four, five, six… six, six, six, six, six…”

Na Qingyang shouted, “Old Wang, shut up! I know this joke already.”

Li Xing said, “You’re disgusting, Old Wang. But go on—I don’t know it.”

Wang Bo laughed. “So then Brother A sees this. He keeps an eye on the monkey, and one day, when the monkey goes out to pick mushrooms, Brother A lies down in advance right on the path. The monkey starts counting again—one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…”

Hou Haibo rolled his eyes. “My hands are filthy just hearing this.”

Wang Bo pointed at him. “Hey, don’t say nonsense. I didn’t say anything.”

Na Qingyang shoved him. “Old Wang, when did you become this vulgar? Seriously—once a man becomes a dad, there’s no saving him. Moral decline at lightning speed. You need to go back and conduct some criticism and self-criticism.”

Dale frowned, thought for a moment, then came over and asked, “Brother-in-law, what joke were you telling just now? It wasn’t funny at all.”

Hearing that, Wang Bo’s face fell. “How did you hear that?”

The others burst out laughing at his misfortune.

The most common mushrooms in the forest were grass mushrooms—a grayish-white variety found all over the world. It was said that some people had even spotted them in the Arctic in September.

Wang Bo said that grass mushrooms were very fragrant when stir-fried in oil. Seeing so many around, the group started picking them.

He brought along Uncle Bing and Atulu, who had the richest wilderness survival knowledge, and had them identify which mushrooms were poisonous to avoid accidents.

Whenever Uncle Bing saw a new type of mushroom, he would examine it carefully, name the species, and tell everyone whether it was safe. As for Atulu, no matter what mushroom he saw, he would glance at it and immediately nod, saying it was edible.

Wang Bo pushed him. “Be serious. If we get sick from this, it’ll be a real problem.”

Atulu said aggrievedly, “Boss, I am serious. New Zealand doesn’t have poisonous mushrooms. All these fungi are edible. I swear!”

Uncle Bing said, “So far, that does seem to be the case.”

Hearing this, Na Qingyang sighed. “Damn, New Zealand really is a heaven-blessed pure land. No wild beasts, hardly any poisonous insects, not even many poisonous plants. So what kind of fighting power would Māori people raised in such an environment even have?”

Atulu said, “That’s an insult. We have plenty of fighting power. Back when the whites invaded New Zealand, it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing.”

Bowen said, “That’s because you got lucky and didn’t run into the same white thugs who invaded the Indians. Otherwise, all of New Zealand would’ve been sunk into the sea.”

Na Qingyang said, “What I said just now wasn’t meant to insult you Māori, Atulu. I was insulting the white guys Bowen mentioned. Those idiots are a disgrace to the guns they held!”

As they joked around, Hou Haibo suddenly shouted, “Holy crap—come here, come here! Look at this!”

Wang Bo walked over curiously. At the base of a kauri tree, there was a hollow in the roots. Inside were two small, slender sky-blue mushrooms nestled together. They looked like a pair of lovers, leaning against each other—quite pretty.

“These are sky-blue mushrooms. What’s so strange about them?”

Hou Haibo said, “Are they that common? Blue mushrooms—how rare is that?”

Atulu said, “What’s rare about that? Give me fifty bucks and I’ll make one appear for you.”

Wang Bo knew Atulu was about to use the same trick he’d once used to fool him, this time on Hou Haibo. He smiled without saying a word and waited to see the show.