EMHTC -Chapter 77 Swear to Mazu That You’re Not Lying!

The scene rewinds to five days ago.

On one side, a messenger urgently departed from Fujian, rushing to deliver intelligence to the capital.

On the other side, Princess Wanshou and her companions hurriedly arrived at a dry riverbank.

They initially thought they’d witness a standoff between the Jinyiwei and the villagers—both sides too cautious to make a move.

However, the scene that greeted them was quite different…

In the wind, a voice carried over—

“Is what you said true?!”

The unfamiliar voice of a middle-aged man, panting heavily, was filled with palpable anger.

Then, responding to him came a familiar, clear voice, so crisp that its gender was difficult to discern. Once the red bridal veil was draped, no one could tell if the bride was a young man.

Xu Yanmiao, dressed in a bridal gown, was kneeling on a bamboo mat surrounded by an assortment of flowers, fruits, a pig’s head, a whole sheep, and other offerings. His tone was particularly earnest: “Of course, it’s true! I was about to be sacrificed to the River God. But last night, the River God came to me—well, to his wife—in a dream and told me. That chubby kid of yours was actually fathered by someone else with your wife. Think about it—how could two people like you, who never even tan, give birth to a child as dark as charcoal?”

Honestly, the middle-aged man was dark as charcoal at the moment—his complexion blackened by rage. Veins bulged across his face, making him look like a laboring water buffalo, with white puffs of air snorting out from his nostrils.

Xu Yanmiao poured oil onto the flames—figuratively and literally—while adding: “Big Brother, I’m about to die, so let me offer you some advice. Life goes on. Think about it—though the child isn’t yours, your wife is! And hey, it’s not every day someone else’s kid calls you Dad…”

The middle-aged man abruptly turned around, roaring, “You wretch! I’ll kill you!” He raised a fist the size of a bowl, ready to smash it onto a burly farmwoman in the bridal procession.

Several people hurried to stop him.

“Da Niu! Calm down!”

“Da Niu! You don’t even know if it’s true yet! If you hurt someone, you’ll have to call a doctor!”

“Who knows if this little hussy made it all up?!”

Xu Yanmiao’s voice grew excited: “Exactly, exactly! It’s that butcher calling me a ‘little hussy’! He’s got your wife’s sweat handkerchief hidden in his pocket! That handkerchief was sewn from leftover scraps of fabric from your clothes! If you don’t believe me, check it yourself and see if the fabric matches!”

The burly butcher, who had been holding back the enraged man, instinctively loosened his grip.

Even though Xu Yanmiao was veiled, he seemed to have x-ray vision: “Feeling guilty, aren’t you? Look, everyone, he’s guilty!”

The middle-aged man grabbed a bamboo pole from the River God’s bridal mat, where it had been holding up ceremonial flags, and began furiously beating the butcher. This time, no one could stop him.

The village chief, watching the chaos, anxiously shouted: “Da Niu! Don’t fall for that hussy’s tricks! She’s just trying to provoke you! Even if your wife cheated on you, you’ve got to bear it! We’re already past the auspicious hour—”

Xu Yanmiao glanced at his gossip system and let out a cheeky “Oh-ho”.

“You’re definitely better at enduring than him! He’s a cuckold, but you? You willingly take the kid’s last name!”

The blacksmith, standing nearby, scratched his head in confusion and muttered: “Take the kid’s last name? But… don’t he and the kid already share a surname?”

Xu Yanmiao smirked: “But the kid isn’t his! The kid belongs to a maid from a wealthy household. That maid had a fling with a scholar and got pregnant. The scholar was preparing for the imperial exams but was too broke, and the maid had no money either. So she asked your village chief if he wanted a wife, no questions asked!”

—The concept of a husband and wife goes way back.

“The village chief knew the maid was pregnant with the scholar’s child but thought the scholar had abandoned her. Overjoyed, he brought her and the child home, even handed over all the money for her to manage. And guess what? The maid funneled it all to the scholar so he could prepare for his exams. Oh, but let me circle back—your village chief even went to the yamen to change his surname to match the kid’s, just to make the maid happy.”

The villagers gasped in unison: “Ohhh~~~”

The village chief stood frozen for a moment. His face turned red, then green, and finally black with rage: “You slanderous wench! I’ll kill you—”

He lunged toward Xu Yanmiao.

Once again, the villagers scrambled to restrain the chief.

—This was the River God’s bride, after all. She couldn’t be killed!

Xu Yanmiao casually grabbed a fruit from the mat, wiped it on his sleeve, and started munching on it. Between bites, he said: “Don’t be mad, don’t be mad. Let me tell you something cheerful. That scholar didn’t end up taking the exams. He went to the gambling den instead and lost all his money. Not only that, but the gamblers chopped off two of his fingers—on his right hand. Until he masters writing with his left hand, he probably won’t be taking any exams anytime soon.”

The village chief froze.

Then, he was overjoyed.

Xu Yanmiao added casually: “But it seems the money he gambled away was your life savings.”

The village chief: “…”

The village chief: “Aaaaahhhhhh! Let me go! Let me go, all of you!”

Not far away.

Princess Wanshou: “…”

Minister of Justice: “…”

Ministry of Justice officer: “…”

Ministry of War clerk: “…”

The Jinyiwei officers and soldiers: “…”

The Minister of Justice muttered, “…Suddenly, I feel like our urgency was unnecessary.”

If they had arrived even later, Xu Yanmiao probably could have angered the entire group to death without lifting a weapon.

Princess Wanshou, trying hard to maintain a composed expression, felt her facade nearly cracking: “Xu Lang had that woman send word, saying he would buy us time. I thought it was just a comforting statement…”

So, he was completely serious?

Liang Rui paused for a moment and said, “Let’s save him.”

Lian Hang really wanted to quip: Are we saving Xu Lang or the villagers?

When Xu Lang saw them arrive, he was overjoyed. Lifting his veil, he exclaimed: “You’ve finally come!”

The soldiers quickly brought the brawling villagers under control, while Princess Wanshou silently handed Xu Yanmiao a cup of water.

Xu Yanmiao smiled and said, “Thank you, Your Highness, for your kindness.”

He wiped off the heavy makeup on his face—honestly, makeup in ancient times couldn’t compare to the modern kind. If it were modern cosmetics, he wouldn’t dare remove it so easily. Ancient rouge, however, could be wiped off with just water.

The Prefect of Xinghua looked like he had seen a ghost: “Who are you?! Where’s the courtesan I arranged?!”

Xu Yanmiao turned back with a bright smile: “She was taken away by a certain wealthy gentleman.”

The Prefect’s eyes filled with ridicule: “What now? Are you going to say I’ve been cuckolded too?”

“Not quite.”

【Your scandals aren’t limited to cuckoldry, but at that moment, it was the easiest way to provoke your tempers and trigger chaos.】

【Now, I’ve got something even juicier.】

Princess Wanshou and the others: “…”

Although they knew they should focus on their mission, anything Xu Yanmiao claimed was “juicy” was bound to be extraordinary…

Ahem.

The Prefect of Xinghua had committed the heinous act of performing a live sacrifice. If he got upset—or even died from rage—it would only be what he deserved!

After Xu Yanmiao said, “Not quite,” he continued in a light-hearted tone, all while the Prefect of Xinghua maintained a smug “Let’s see what nonsense you’ll come up with” expression:

“You might not know this, but that wealthy gentleman greatly admires scholars. He especially admires you—thinks you’re highly cultured, efficient, and incredibly determined and courageous…”

“Wait, isn’t he supposed to be provoking him? Why does it sound like praise now?”

The Ministry of War clerk looked utterly puzzled: “Could it be a tactic of building up before breaking down?”

The Prefect of Xinghua thought the same. Mentally prepared, he even sneered inwardly: This greenhorn doesn’t know what he’s doing. If you want to anger someone, you need to catch them off guard. Dragging it out like this only gives your target time to brace themselves. How do you expect to provoke anyone?

Xu Yanmiao continued: “So, this gentleman has been trying very hard to get close to you—intimately close.”

“And every time you’ve spent the night with courtesans, famous entertainers, or young attendants, as soon as you left, he would immediately pay double or triple the price to book them. But he insisted they not bathe or freshen up beforehand—just so he could experience your lingering scent, hoping to absorb some of your scholarly brilliance.”

“So, when he thought that this courtesan was your new flame, he…”

“Wait, why are you vomiting? What can I say? If you refuse to redeem them after your trysts, of course, others will come knocking!”

“Ugh—!”

“Ugh—!”

The Prefect of Xinghua desperately wanted to lash out at Xu Yanmiao: How is this the same? Having new clients the next day is completely different from not bathing and basking in the… scent…

“Ugh—!”

The Prefect collapsed onto the ground, retching miserably.

When he was done vomiting, he clenched his teeth and took a deep breath: “Who is it?! Which gentleman?! Tell me! How do you even know about this?!”

“A lot of people know,” Xu Yanmiao replied, brazenly lying with a straight face.

“While visiting the homes of the common folk to discuss disaster relief, I happened to hear this while chatting with them. Perhaps you’re the only one who didn’t know?”

The Prefect of Xinghua’s breathing grew ragged, his chest heaving violently as his fingers clawed at the cracked dirt beneath him.

“As for which gentleman… why do you care? He hasn’t broken any laws. I know you value cleanliness—you even carefully selected a virgin courtesan as a bride for the River God. But no matter how much you care about cleanliness, you can’t go around retaliating against people!”

The Prefect’s face turned crimson. To the onlookers, it was clear his anger was boiling over—but something about it seemed even more severe…

“Oh, right! It’s almost mealtime. You must be hungry, right?” Xu Yanmiao grabbed a piece of wild vegetable flatbread from the mat and offered it to him: “This kind of wild vegetable flatbread is your favorite, isn’t it? Go ahead and eat it—you won’t even have this to eat in the future…”

“Waaaaaah—!”

Xu Yanmiao quickly pulled back his hand as the Prefect of Xinghua spat a mouthful of blood, which splattered onto the yellow earth.

The Ministry of War clerk clicked his tongue in disapproval: “Well, well…”

Sure enough, that earlier flush on the Prefect’s face wasn’t just anger—it was a surge of blood. In other words, Xu Yanmiao had literally provoked him into spitting blood.

Xu Yanmiao placed the flatbread back on the mat and smiled pleasantly: “If you’re not hungry, let’s discuss your crime of privately inciting the villagers to use a human sacrifice.”

“When did I commit a crime?”

The Prefect of Xinghua wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, his voice hoarse: “The imperial court issued an edict banning human sacrifices and illicit shrines in Sichuan, Jinghu, Lingnan, and other provinces. Yes, Fujian is in Lingnan, and yes, worshipping the River God is considered an illicit shrine practice. However… when did I ever use a human sacrifice?”

Xu Yanmiao narrowed his eyes at the Prefect.

The Prefect allowed a faint smirk to appear: “It’s true that I wanted the River God to take a bride, but I never intended to kill the bride. I was only planning to hold a wedding ceremony and then create a statue of the bride to place in the shrine as an offering to the River God. At most, I’ve committed the crime of engaging in illicit shrine rituals. Shameful, truly shameful.”

【Liar!】

Xu Yanmiao stared at the Prefect expressionlessly.

The Prefect struggled to maintain his composure, but traces of smugness still lingered on his face.

He had clearly left himself an escape route. Even if rain eventually fell and he reported his success to claim credit, he could argue that a statue—not a live person—was used.

As for the villagers? They weren’t fools; they would never admit they intended to use a human sacrifice.

The punishment for such a crime was death, but if one confessed, the law allowed for a reduced sentence. The Prefect wasn’t worried about these officials from the capital coercing the villagers into admitting guilt.

Sure enough, the handsome young man walked over to the villagers and said: “Using a human sacrifice is a capital crime, but if you confess and are considered accomplices, and since no harm was actually done, the penalty is reduced to ‘full servitude.’ This means three years of forced labor in a province hundreds of miles away.”

Predictably, the villagers unanimously denied the accusation: “We weren’t planning to use a human sacrifice! We were just going to make a statue!”

The Prefect of Xinghua barely suppressed his laughter.

Naive.

As long as they insisted they hadn’t done anything, there would be no crime. Why complicate things by admitting to a lesser charge?

Liang Rui lowered his gaze, his brow tightly furrowed.

From the moment the Prefect of Xinghua refused to admit his guilt, Liang Rui had been pondering how to break the stalemate. Yet, no matter how he thought about it, the only solution seemed to be the most drastic one: using the imperial sword to execute him on the spot.

But… that approach would be hard to justify to the public.

What other options were there? Let them go? Charge the Prefect with bribery instead?

It was possible, but the thought left an unsatisfied bitterness in his chest.

As Liang Rui and the others wrestled with their thoughts, unable to find a way forward, they saw Xu Yanmiao speak again.

Xu Yanmiao spoke as if casually chatting: “Droughts heavily impact waterways, don’t they? Although Tingzhou is located in the mountains of western Fujian, far from the sea, it is close to the Ting River. There are quite a few Mazu temples around here, aren’t there? You often work as boatmen, transporting goods from Tingzhou to Chaozhou, braving the 500-li stretch of dangerous rapids and waves… You’ve prayed to Mazu often, haven’t you?”

The villagers, not understanding why he was saying this, instinctively nodded.

“Indeed…”

Xu Yanmiao fixed his gaze on them and suddenly said, “If you insist that you never intended to perform human sacrifices to worship the River God—”

“Then swear it before Mazu! Swear that you didn’t do it!”

The villagers froze instantly.

Xu Yanmiao raised his voice: “As long as you swear before Mazu that you’ve never been involved in human sacrifices, the case will end here! Think carefully—Mazu is listening!”

The villagers: “…”

“… Actually, we did it.”

The village chief’s expression shifted repeatedly before he stomped his foot, sighed, and pulled a small cloth pouch from his chest, tossing it toward the Prefect of Xinghua.

“Here’s your money back!”

The other villagers followed suit, pulling out their pouches and throwing them at the Prefect.

The Prefect of Xinghua, who wasn’t a native of Tingzhou, didn’t work in navigation, and had no strong religious beliefs, was utterly baffled.

“You… why—”

Why are you taking this so seriously?! It’s just swearing an oath! You immediately confessed?!

The village chief looked slightly guilty, his voice weaker than before, but there was still a clear determination in his words: “We Tingzhou folk cannot lie to Mazu.”

“…”

The Prefect of Xinghua opened his mouth, then closed it again, struggling to find words. His face turned bright red, and after a moment, he spat out another mouthful of blood.

The painstakingly planned path to promotion and his carefully calculated escape route—destroyed!

And in such a ridiculous way?!