EMHTC -Chapter 76 To Hell With Your Auspicious Omen!

You might not be afraid, but we are!!!

Hidden in the shadows, the Jinyiwei collectively transformed into the iconic painting The Scream.

How did things escalate to this point?

Well, it all started because they were secret guards, not mythical creatures capable of actual invisibility. Normally, they relied on cover—when there was none, they would pretend to be random passersby.

But none of that training prepared them for moments like this, such as when Xiao Baize decided to visit the latrine.

They couldn’t very well stroll over, pull their pants down next to him, and casually say, “Hey, brother, you’re here too?”

That wasn’t called secret protection; that was called being a creep!

In short, they didn’t want to be creeps, nor did they want Xiao Baize broadcasting their antics across the capital, earning themselves the label of “perverts.”

So, they usually trailed Xu Yanmiao from a discreet distance, their firearms ever ready to fire at the slightest threat. For example, when Xu Yanmiao met that woman earlier, the Jinyiwei had already taken aim at her with their firelocks. The moment something seemed off, they were prepared to shoot.

And then… they saw Xu Yanmiao start undressing.

Jinyiwei: “!!!”

An illicit affair?!

Has Xu Lang finally reached that age? Should we turn away in modesty? But what if the woman takes advantage of their intimate moment, rolls on top of him, and slits his throat?!

As they wrestled with their dilemma, they saw the two swapping clothes.

Then the woman pulled out some rouge and applied it roughly to Xu Yanmiao’s face. And you know what? Once Xu Lang put on the woman’s clothes and had a bit of makeup on, he really did look androgynous.

His long eyelashes, striking black-and-white eyes, and pale complexion now bore a rosy undertone. The result was a stunningly attractive visage.

Not that Xu Lang had any practice wearing women’s clothing. He clumsily dressed himself, tugging the garments on with carefree abandon. Holding up the hem of the skirt, he gave it a good shake and muttered, “This thing nearly drags on the ground—it’s so inconvenient to walk in!”

Layers of fabric piled around Xu Yanmiao’s knees, revealing shapely calves and a tantalizing glimpse of skin above them.

Even the woman couldn’t help but think, …This is going to be the death of me.

Xu Yanmiao, busy fussing with the inconvenient skirt, vaguely heard a voice near him. Surprised, he looked up. “Did you just say something?”

The woman’s face flushed as she suddenly felt like one of those lecherous patrons in a brothel, overcome by desire. Flustered, she cleared her throat and replied, “We must get back to the village before the others come looking. I’ll dress you in the bridal gown and cover your head with a red veil—my heavy makeup will ensure they won’t tell the difference unless they scrub it off.”

Xu Yanmiao grabbed the hem of the skirt with one hand and pulled her along. “Show the way! The faster we go, the less time wasted—the better our chances of survival!”

Soon enough, Xu Yanmiao found himself back in the village. He swapped his outfit for the bridal gown, donned the red veil, and sat on the edge of a bed. Meanwhile, the woman, now dressed in Xu Yanmiao’s clothes, dashed toward the county town, running as if her life depended on it—because it did.

Left behind were the three to five Jinyiwei guards, entirely at a loss. Hiding nearby, they murmured among themselves.

“What do we do? His Majesty ordered us to grant Xiao Baize the utmost freedom, provided his life isn’t at risk.”

“The issue is, it’s too late to act now. When Xiao Baize was talking with that woman, we were too far to overhear. We only saw him change clothes and walk into the village. How were we supposed to know he was here for this?”

“True. If we alarm the villagers…”

“Then we open fire,” one guard said coldly. “If they cooperate, fine. If they resist or attack a court official, they’re as good as dead.”

Another, more cautious guard countered, “And what if, after you fire, the villagers riot instead of surrendering?”

It wouldn’t take much—just a few dozen angry villagers could create chaos. Their mission wasn’t to slaughter; their top priority was Xu Yanmiao’s safety.

“What if we knock Xiao Baize unconscious and take him away? The villagers are after the woman, not us.”

This suggestion piqued some interest.

But another Jinyiwei vetoed it. “Our mission is to protect Xiao Baize’s life.”

The others looked confused. “Isn’t this protecting him?”

“That’s not what I mean. Xiao Baize is kind-hearted. If he finds out the woman died because of him, would he blame himself? Would he spiral into guilt and despair, eventually wasting away? Worse yet, what if the villagers randomly grab another woman to sacrifice instead? Even if we didn’t kill her directly, Xiao Baize might still feel responsible. Can you imagine the guilt?”

The guards exchanged uneasy glances.

They didn’t know if Xu Yanmiao would actually feel that way, but… what if he did?

They couldn’t take that gamble.

“Then we wait until the river god ritual to strike!” one guard gritted out. “By then, the woman’s life won’t be in danger. We can fire a few warning shots to intimidate the villagers and seize someone close to them as leverage, ensuring they can’t unite against us.”

As for why they couldn’t act now… same reason as before: fear that the villagers might grab another random woman as a substitute, causing Xu Yanmiao unbearable guilt.

Just as they finalized their plan, they saw a group of villagers swarm into the house. They dragged the red-veiled “River God Bride” out and loaded her into a sedan chair, accompanied by gongs and drums, heading toward the parched river.

The Jinyiwei quietly followed, fortunate that the villagers lacked any real awareness of being tracked.

When they arrived at the river, the Xinghua Prefect—who was supposed to be overseeing disaster relief efforts—was inexplicably present. Clad in an elaborate ceremonial robe meant for sacrificial rites, he radiated authority and gravitas.

His role? Delivering a pre-wedding lecture to the “bride.”

He spoke at great length, but beneath the veil, Xu Yanmiao summarized it as:

You were just an unwed courtesan destined to serve all sorts of men, wasting your youth in a brothel and succumbing to illness in your old age—if you even made it that far. But now, your fate is different. You’re to become the River God’s bride and enjoy eternal blessings!

We chose you because you’re “pure.” You’ve never served a man, yet you possess the skills to do so. Marrying the River God is a noble purpose. Your sacrifice will bring rain to save the people, and we’ll forever remember your virtue.

Xu Yanmiao: “…”

【Spit!】

【Shameless!】

Elsewhere.

“What did you just say?!”

In the nearest yamen, the Jinyiwei officer’s face turned dark. He ground out his words between clenched teeth, “Is this what they call protecting someone?!”

What kind of reckless disregard for their own lives—and their family’s nine generations—was this?

The woman accompanying them froze, her mind racing. A suspicion bubbled to the surface: Could this man’s identity… be extraordinary?

Her guess was quickly confirmed.

The two Jinyiwei officers stationed at the yamen didn’t hesitate. They hauled in a local magistrate and a death-row prisoner, then shot the prisoner point-blank. Blood sprayed as the man’s head exploded like a melon, leaving the magistrate trembling uncontrollably, his legs giving out beneath him. Another official outright wet himself.

After issuing a stream of threats, the Jinyiwei divided their tasks. One raced off on horseback to fetch the imperial sword and swiftly mobilize reinforcements. The other set off to report directly to the princess.

“You said what?!”

Princess Wanshou nearly bit her tongue in anger. Almost immediately, she grasped the key point from the Jinyiwei’s account:

“I have the authority token and an imperial decree! Mobilize the troops immediately! You, you, and you—notify the Minister of Punishments, the Chief Clerk of Punishments, and the Military Affairs Bureau Secretary!”

After assigning the tasks, the princess wasted no time and personally set off to rally the soldiers.

When the Minister of Punishments received the news, his expression shifted from pale to stormy. “Xu Lang, you’ve truly brought me to ruin!”

Then, with a snarl of rage, he cursed, “Ignorant fools! What River God?! If it were real, floods would never happen, and droughts wouldn’t exist! Superstition, utter nonsense!”

Thinking of that Xinghua Prefect, he gnashed his teeth in anger, wishing he could devour him alive.

“Exterminate his entire clan! I must petition His Majesty to wipe out his nine generations!”

When Lian Hang heard the news, he uncharacteristically broke out in a sweat on this freezing winter day. Without hesitation, he asked for directions and sprinted toward Tingzhou Prefecture.

Liang Rui was the last to hear of the incident. After listening, his vision went black as he reached out to steady himself against the wall. It took him a long moment before he finally said, “Emergency dispatch! Report this matter back to the capital immediately!”

Year 34 of Tian Tong Era, New Year’s Day.

The disaster in Fujian was nearing its end, and the emperor and his officials in the capital were enjoying a peaceful New Year.

That year, snow fell like fluttering blossoms, and during the grand court assembly, the Emperor of Da Xia smiled and said, “A timely snow promises a prosperous year. My dear ministers, today’s snowfall, as it dances in the air like flying petals, is a divine blessing upon us.”

“At this festive time, I express my heartfelt gratitude to all of you for your tireless efforts and loyal dedication to the country. Without your collective commitment, the peace and prosperity we enjoy today would have been impossible. Thanks to your contributions, Da Xia thrives in stability, prosperity, and harmony. This brings great comfort to my heart…”

Before he could finish his speech, a messenger burst into the hall, bearing an urgent report delivered over 600 miles. The man hadn’t bathed for days, and the stench was overwhelming, but none of the censors dared rebuke him. They watched anxiously as he presented the emergency report.

“Could it be that the disaster in Fujian has worsened?”

“Or perhaps another calamity has occurred elsewhere?“

The emperor himself had similar thoughts. But the moment his eyes landed on the short, shocking message, his entire body trembled violently. He rose abruptly from the dragon throne, roaring, “What are you all good for? Where are the Jinyiwei? Are the Jinyiwei I sent there only good for eating and doing nothing?!”

The officials were baffled and confused.

Then the emperor bellowed, “How could Xu Yanmiao be captured by villagers and offered as a sacrifice to the river god?!”

Officials: “?!”

In an instant, sweat drenched their robes.

“Thud—”

One official fainted on the spot, his forehead smashing into the floor. Yet, as if he couldn’t feel the pain, he stubbornly rose, swaying on his feet, and declared: “Exterminate their entire clan! Your Majesty! Their nine generations must be eradicated!”

To everyone’s surprise, many officials in the capital echoed the sentiment.

Meanwhile, the local officials in attendance nervously swallowed hard.

“Who… exactly is Xu Yanmiao? What kind of person is he, to provoke such fury when something happens to him?”