EMHTC -Chapter 13 Eek! Poked a nest of marketing hustlers!

“Dong dong dong dong dong dong dong—”

The old emperor blurted out, “What’s that noise?”

“It seems…” The grand eunuch tilted his head to listen. “Someone is striking the Drum of Appeals outside the Meridian Gate.”

The Drum of Appeals?

The old emperor stood up solemnly. “Summon the officials!”

…

Xu Yanmiao walked at the very back of the officials’ procession, listening to a Official from the Ministry of War explain.

“When His Majesty first founded the dynasty, he had the Drum of Appeals placed outside the Meridian Gate. If commoners suffer injustice, they may strike the drum to petition directly to the throne.”

“Oh, oh! Does it require crawling over a nail board? I heard they have to do that before presenting grievances.”

“Of course not. Where did you hear such nonsense?” The Official couldn’t hold back his laughter. “His Majesty established the Drum of Appeals to open the way for grievances to reach the throne. If petitioners had to crawl over a nail board, most would die trying. Who would dare file a grievance then?”

That would be as pointless as taking off one’s pants to fart.

Even in previous dynasties, penalties for petitioners usually involved a dozen lashes or canings but never crawling over nail boards.

Xu Yanmiao felt embarrassed. “That was my misunderstanding…”

The moment he stepped into the side hall near the Meridian Gate, an overwhelming stench of blood assaulted him.

【What the—!【 Xu Yanmiao’s pupils shook. 【Did the old emperor really make petitioners crawl over a nail board?】

The other officials: … Thank you. We’re shocked, too.

At the front of the group, the prime minister and the six ministers suddenly looked up at the old emperor.

Your Majesty, this doesn’t seem appropriate!

—Mostly because they could also smell the thick scent of blood, far too heavy to be normal.

A vein throbbed at the old emperor’s temple.

He shot Xu Yanmiao a glare before firmly enunciating: “I’ve already ordered the imperial physician to provide aid. This woman’s body was already covered in wounds before she struck the Drum of Appeals. I do not yet know what grievance drove her to endure such pain.”

His words were crisp and deliberate, as if worried they might mishear. When he said before, he placed special emphasis on it.

The imperial physician approached with his medicine chest, gazing at the blood-soaked figure before him with pity. Years of medical experience told him this patient couldn’t be saved—he could only ease her pain before death.

“Sigh…”

The physician reached out to check her pulse.

“Slap!” A blood-streaked hand suddenly grabbed his wrist and pushed it aside.

“Ahhhh!” the physician screamed.

【She’s alive!】

The old emperor gripped the armrest tightly, veins bulging along his arm. If he hadn’t been sitting, he might have staggered back three steps!

“Your Majesty!!!” The bloodied woman spoke, her voice not exactly strong but filled with sorrowful determination. “This humble woman, Xie Luoshui, accuses the Marquis of Kuaiji, his wife, and their heir of grievous crimes!”

The old emperor opened his mouth, about to speak, but Xu Yanmiao’s internal voice had already spoken on his behalf:

【What the heck? What kind of protagonist physique does this woman have? Wounded like that, shouldn’t she at least be on the brink of death? How does she still have the strength to speak so forcefully?】

Xu Yanmiao’s eyes fixed on the system’s gossip feed, gasping. 【She had a miscarriage just yesterday!】

The civil and military officials collectively hissed in shock.

【You’d never guess!】What woman doesn’t need to rest in bed for at least ten days to half a month after a miscarriage?

【Impressive! She took advantage of the Marquis of Kuaiji’s family attending the Prime Minister’s betrothal ceremony to flee, stole a horse, and rode 40 miles straight to the capital to make her case.】

Everyone couldn’t help but glance at the ragged woman’s legs. Her inner thighs were rubbed raw, bleeding profusely.

Yet!

As Xie Luoshui recounted her grievances, she became more impassioned. Her left leg instinctively stepped forward—her tattered clothing shifted, reopening wounds that had only just begun to scab over.

Hiss— Even the Prime Minister couldn’t help wincing on her behalf.

But the fragile-looking woman only furrowed her brow slightly, as if such pain was insignificant to her.

She quickly recounted her ordeal:

She was the daughter of a farming family who recently entered the city with her parents to sell fish. The heir of the Marquis of Kuaiji initially wooed her with sweet words, luring her into the household. But when the family heard the emperor was considering remarrying Princess Xiangyang, they imprisoned her to prevent rumors from spreading. Meanwhile, the heir pretended to be a virtuous man, claiming he had remained single and untouched for years in honor of the princess.

As for the pregnancy—it was the result of the heir’s drunken assault on her.

The old emperor turned his gaze to the Marquis of Kuaiji. “Do you have anything to say?”

Xie Luoshui also prepared herself, expecting the marquis to deny or even counteraccuse her.

To everyone’s surprise, the marquis immediately confessed, admitting he had been blinded by ambition and desperate to have his family marry into the royal lineage.

After confessing, he even apologized to Xie Luoshui with remarkable speed. Everyone, from the emperor to the officials, was stunned. The old emperor, still dazed, delivered the verdict according to the law:

The Marquis of Kuaiji was guilty of causing bodily harm and sentenced to 40 lashes. The heir was guilty of assault and sentenced to two years of labor.

The emperor couldn’t help asking, “Marquis of Kuaiji, do you accept this judgment of 40 lashes for harming another?”

The marquis bowed deeply. “I accept the punishment.”

The emperor asked again, “Your son’s crime of assaulting an unmarried woman warrants two years of labor. Do you accept?”

Once again, the marquis bowed. “I accept on behalf of my unworthy son.”

The emperor turned to Xie Luoshui. “Are you satisfied with this verdict?”

She knelt and replied, “This humble woman is satisfied.”

Since the plaintiff was satisfied, the court session concluded.

Xu Yanmiao, having muddled his way through, remained confused. He began to question why he had even attended this court session.

Looking up, he noticed the Marquis of Kuaiji hastily leaving the hall.

Xu Yanmiao instinctively opened the system interface.

【Something feels off…】

The moment this thought appeared, the Marquis of Kuaiji froze for a second. In the next moment, he picked up his pace, walking even faster.

Just as he was about to step out of the side hall’s doors, Xu Yanmiao’s mind flooded with shocked expressions conveyed through exclamation marks.

【No way, no way, no way! A baby-switching scandal! This is actually a case of switching the dragon for a snake!】

The old emperor, who was just stepping onto his sedan chair, staggered and almost fell off.

The head eunuch cried out, “Your Majesty!!!” and hurried to support him.

“There’s no need to help!” The old emperor leapt off the sedan chair and strode swiftly back into the hall. “I still have unfinished business!”

He was rushing back to watch the drama unfold!

Seeing the emperor return, all the officials naturally followed suit.

The Marquis of Kuaiji’s legs went weak, and he was dragged back into the hall by the imperial guards.

Xie Luoshui, still confused, observed the officials around her—some of them, inexplicably, even yanked off their own beards. What was going on here?

Unable to figure it out, she instinctively followed the crowd back inside.

Xu Yanmiao walked absentmindedly along with the group, his eyes glued to the system interface.

【I knew something was off! If he really had a guilty conscience and admitted to his crimes so easily, he wouldn’t have resorted to imprisoning people in the first place.】

【But I never expected this—it’s a baby-switching scandal!】

【The current heir of the Marquis of Kuaiji isn’t even his biological son!】

The revelation instantly energized the previously groggy officials, and their eyes now burned with curiosity.

They all wondered just how the heir wasn’t the Marquis’s son. Was it because the lady of the house had an affair and swapped her illegitimate child with the young miss of the family?

【Nope, the child was swapped by the Marchioness herself! She brought in some random baby boy from outside. Let me check if the Marquis knew about it.】

【Whoa!!!】

【Oh my, the aristocratic circles are truly chaotic! And yes, he knew—he always knew! He’s infertile and only has this one child, so he turned a blind eye and accepted it!】

The officials collectively sighed in disappointment.

Since the Marquis knew about it, it was likely that he had condoned the act. The possibility of an illegitimate child from an affair was thus ruled out.

The Minister of Revenue shook his head in regret. “The Marchioness was so foolish! Husband and wife are one unit—if the heir wasn’t of the husband’s bloodline, she should’ve at least ensured he had her bloodline. Why bring in an unrelated child to inherit the Marquisate? If it were just an affair, the Marquis, with his magnanimity, probably wouldn’t have minded such a trivial matter.”

He stomped his foot in frustration. “So foolish!”

The Marquis of Kuaiji fumed silently: Shut up!

The Marquis muttered inwardly: You’re all just enjoying the drama. Why don’t you have your wives give you an heir while they’re at it!

The old emperor immediately called for the chief eunuch. “Bring the heir of the Marquis of Kuaiji and his wife here!”

To watch the drama unfold. Teehee.

Before long, the two were brought into the hall.

During this interval, the officials had feasted on plenty of gossip.

It turned out that all the Marquis’s efforts to promote his son as a prodigy—like composing poetry at three and mastering prose at five—were staged, with someone preparing the works in advance for the boy to memorize.

The tale of the boy’s supposed hunting prowess—like the time he released a mystical black fox he had hunted, only for it to spin three times before leaping into his arms—was also fabricated. The fox had been caught ahead of time, starved for three days until it could barely move, and then released. Moreover, the boy had meat hidden in his robes to lure the fox back.

【And that fox! Hahaha, that fox was—】

Xu Yanmiao’s laughter was earth-shattering.

【It was just a regular red fox dyed black with ink! Hahahaha!】

【Such shameless fakery—poor fox was almost drowned in a vat of ink.】

The Marquis’s face turned crimson, as if he were being stripped naked and paraded in front of the entire court.

So what if it was fake?

At least I had the means to fake it!

Besides, achieving fame in the scholarly world can’t simply be dismissed as mere fakery!

Xu Yanmiao found another piece of deception and burst out laughing: 【Hahahahaha!】

The Marquis: … Can you stop laughing already?!

Xu Yanmiao unearthed yet another fabrication and laughed even harder: 【Hahahaha!】

The Marquis: … Will this ever end? Seriously, will it ever end?!

Xu Yanmiao continued: 【Hahaha! Turns out the Marquis of Kuaiji’s reputation as the most refined and handsome man of his generation was built on similar fakery! No wonder he’s so skilled at creating a persona for his fake son—it’s a family tradition! Hahaha!】

All the officials in the hall were red-faced from holding in their laughter, while Xu Yanmiao’s unabashed cackles echoed throughout the chamber.

Suddenly, Xu Yanmiao’s laughter stopped abruptly.

The Marquis felt a chill run down his spine. Guided by some instinct, he turned toward the hall’s entrance and saw his wife and the supposed heir being escorted in by the imperial guards.

It’s over.

The Marquis thought despairingly.

Xu Yanmiao let out an excited 【Oh wow!】

【I’m actually witnessing this drama live!】

【Looks like the old emperor’s guards have been investigating the Marquis’s household for some time now.】

【Now I get it! The earlier dismissal of the court must’ve been staged to prevent the Marquis from pulling any desperate moves!】

【The guards must have found evidence proving that Xie Luoshui is actually the true young miss of the Marquis’s household!】

The Marquis closed his eyes in agony.

This time, it was truly over.