EMHTC -Chapter 1 Shocking! Grandson Breaks into His Grandfather’s Harem!

【Waking up at 3 a.m. to attend court—this garbage emperor has no humanity.】

Xu Yanmiao tucked a steamed bun into his chest, braced against the cold wind, and shuffled into the court hall. Finding a corner, he sat down and began nibbling on the bun while scrolling through the gossip provided by his system.

【The Provincial Investigating Commissioner has been fishing for fifteen days and hasn’t caught a single fish! Hahaha, his fishing skills are beyond terrible!】

【The Minister of War hasn’t bathed, changed clothes, or swapped his socks for seven days. Last night, his wife finally kicked him out of the bedroom. Honestly, it’s a miracle she tolerated it for seven days—if it were me, I couldn’t last a day.】

【Oh, oh, oh, the Minister of Rites…】

“Ahem.”

Xu Yanmiao looked up and stood respectfully. “What can I do for you, Lord Zheng?”

The Minister of Rites, Zheng Peng, stroked his beard with a smile. “Xu Lang, where did you buy that steamed bun? It smells delicious.”

“Oh, this is…”

After he explained, Zheng Peng shifted topics, asking if Xu Yanmiao hadn’t slept well last night—he looked tired. Then came inquiries about whether his work was overwhelming, whether the cold weather and his thin attire indicated negligence by his household staff…

From food and clothing to philosophy and poetry, the conversation dragged on until it was time for court. Only then did Zheng Peng stroke his beard again, chuckling as he bade farewell.

Xu Yanmiao sighed softly.

【So the Minister of Rites is a chatterbox? He talked so much I didn’t even have time to check the gossip.】

【Whatever. Time for court.】

Looking ahead, Xu Yanmiao noticed Zheng Peng walking away, his steps unusually brisk, as though something good had happened. He also spotted… the Minister of War gazing at Zheng Peng with what could only be described as a resentful expression.

【Hmm—】

【Could it be that the Minister of Rites and the Minister of War share a history of unspoken love? The “you love me but I married someone else while you schemed to climb the ranks just to give me one sorrowful glance” kind of past?】

Thud!

The Minister of Rites tripped on his robe and fell flat on his face.

Xu Yanmiao quickly dismissed the wild thoughts in his head and joined the other officials in rushing to assist Zheng Peng. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the Minister of War standing conspicuously far away, as though deliberately avoiding the scene.

【Hmm, is this… to avoid suspicion? This feels like a “there’s nothing here, really” moment…】

The Minister of War suddenly raised his voice. “Lord Zheng, are you all right?”

Zheng Peng replied at once, “I’m fine, Brother Li, thank you for your concern!”

One smiled, and the other returned the smile—both full of the polite insincerity typical of adults.

Xu Yanmiao took another bite of his bun, his eyes gleaming.

【This is unresolved tension! Unresolved tension!】

Forgive him; as someone doomed to face charges of cheating in the imperial exams and likely to lose his head at the execution ground, all he could do was pass the time indulging in gossip.

【See? I knew they had a scandalous history. One takes a fall, and the other can’t resist showing concern!】

【Oh, oh! And now their smiles are stiffening. Is it because they realized they’ve accidentally exposed their feelings? Damage control in progress?】

As the Minister of War finished inquiring after Zheng Peng’s well-being and turned to stride decisively toward the door, Xu Yanmiao squinted through the crowd at his retreating figure, blinking.

【Weird. Why does it feel like the Minister of War is fleeing? Why is he wiping sweat?】

Of course, Xu Yanmiao never took his little mental dramas seriously. These musings were just his way of amusing himself on slow days.

【Could it be…】

Several officials walking past Xu Yanmiao suddenly tensed.

【…that something major is about to happen in court?】

But no sooner had that thought crossed his mind than he heard several quiet sighs of relief around him. Xu Yanmiao stepped aside, confused.

---

Xu Yanmiao was a transmigrator.

A useless one, at that—unskilled in farming or manual labor, unable to distinguish grains, and barely able to run a kilometer without gasping for breath.

As for the typical transmigrator toolkit—smelting iron, crafting gunpowder, building with cement, inventing hot air balloons, or designing steam engines—he couldn’t do any of that.

The only stroke of fortune was his system, though it wasn’t particularly useful. It merely provided endless gossip. Still, a golden finger was better than none. Unfortunately, the system itself…

【Hello? System? Can you hear me?】

【Fzz… fzz… System malfunction… fzz…】

It was yet another day when the system was out of order.

Shrugging it off, Xu Yanmiao straightened his official hat and followed at the end of the line to attend court.

His current body was seventeen years old—not exactly a prodigy. Originally, he had participated in the imperial exams just to gain experience. However, a rare flood disaster struck, affecting more than ten provinces. The emperor, moved by compassion, granted all exam-takers the title of xiucai (scholar) and allowed them to advance to the provincial exam.

Xu Yanmiao’s predecessor was one of them.

Since the pass rate for the provincial exam had been abysmally low—barely 10% over the past decade—the court had implemented a series of policies to support unsuccessful candidates. These included allowing them to retain their scholarly title, enroll at the Imperial Academy, and either retake the exams until they passed or wait for assignment opportunities, which might lead to governmental roles.

His predecessor’s luck had been extraordinary. Not long after entering the academy, he was plucked by the Ministry of Appointments to fill a vacancy, becoming a siwu (clerk of the ninth rank) in the Ministry of Personnel.

In essence, his duties involved filing documents, recording miscellaneous tasks, and distributing assignments to various departments.

【Someone like me—a low-ranking official—why on earth did the Minister of Rites go out of his way to chat with me this morning?】

From above came the loud voice of the ceremonial officer: “Kneel—”

Xu Yanmiao followed the crowd and knelt down.

“Bow—”

He obediently followed again, bowing low.

Guessing that the elderly emperor had arrived, Xu Yanmiao curiously raised his head for a peek but could see nothing. The crowd around him bustled noisily, blocking his view; all he could see was the back of the person in front of him.

Xu Yanmiao instinctively thought—

【What a perky butt. Does being an official not only depend on looks but also on the shape of your backside?】

Seven or eight coughs echoed from both sides of the silent Imperial Path, sounding as though some people had choked on their saliva.

“…”

On the golden platform, after a moment of silence, the eunuch relayed the emperor’s decree:

“The capital has grown colder recently. Everyone must take care of their health and avoid catching a chill.”

A chorus of thanks and bows erupted as the officials expressed their gratitude for the emperor’s concern.

Xu Yanmiao skillfully mimicked the others’ actions, all the while thinking:

【Isn’t it rumored that the emperor has a short temper and is unpredictable? Those coughs just now surely count as disrespect in his presence, yet he didn’t seem to care. He’s not as temperamental as the rumors suggest.】

Glancing to the side, Xu Yanmiao noticed someone frantically wiping sweat off their forehead and froze.

【Is the emperor really that intimidating?】

In the middle of winter, someone sweating from fear?

The man wiping his sweat looked on the verge of tears. Not just him—Xu Yanmiao noticed many people around him were either sweating despite the cold or trembling slightly. Most shocking was the man to his right, whose tears were falling like raindrops, as if he was convinced he was about to become the emperor’s scapegoat.

Xu Yanmiao: ???

At that moment, the tearful man whispered, “Master Xu…”

Xu Yanmiao forced a polite smile, lowering his voice. “What’s the matter, brother?”

The man sniffled. “I feel… His Majesty remains in the prime of his life, showing no signs of aging… Don’t you agree?”

Xu Yanmiao: ???!

Still smiling, Xu Yanmiao replied, “Yes. I think so too.”

【Why bring this up all of a sudden? Are there Imperial Secret Police nearby? Is he trying to express loyalty to them?】

【But wow, no wonder he made it onto the imperial court. He can spout nonsense with a straight face. The emperor is 63 this year—there’s no way he doesn’t have white hair and wrinkles! Yet this guy can boldly claim there’s no trace of age.】

As his mind wandered, Xu Yanmiao snapped back to attention and saw the man prostrate on the ground, forehead pressed against his hands. Whether he was still crying was unclear.

The golden platform fell into another eerie silence.

After two or three breaths, the eunuch announced:

“Ceremony complete—”

“Rise—”

The officials stood up in unison, though their movements seemed impatient, as if desperate to finish.

The emperor began discussing state affairs with the officials.

—Not with all officials, of course. Only those ranked second-grade or higher had the right to speak directly with the emperor in this setting.

One by one, matters of governance were decided: policies affecting the lives of the empire’s citizens were formulated under the imperial gates—some approved, others rejected…

They were shaping the nation. They were deciding the fates of millions.

Meanwhile, Xu Yanmiao stood amidst the crowd, silently listening. He knew these discussions would eventually translate into documents landing on his desk. Cold and impersonal, they would then be distributed across the empire.

Thinking of this, Xu Yanmiao felt a surge of emotion.

【I wonder when I’ll rise to prominence, become a big shot, and get to shape the nation and its people myself.】

【I need to work hard!】

【I need to strive for greatness!】

Raising his head to gaze at the clear sky above, Xu Yanmiao remembered waking up at three this morning and braving the cold wind…

【Hmm…】

【Never mind. Someone as useless as me might as well just lie flat. I wonder when the emperor will wrap this up. I’m so hungry. Time to kill some time…】

【Let’s check out some gossip!】

Excitedly, Xu Yanmiao opened his system, completely oblivious to the horrified glances from those around him.

【Wow! The emperor just took a 16-year-old concubine yesterday! A pear blossom crushing the crabapple—still going strong at his age! They went at it all night, and now he still sounds so energetic and vigorous in court! Amazing!】

【And this concubine was once the Crown Grandson’s mistress? Whoa, whoa, whoa! The Crown Grandson even knows how to write angsty, waist-clutching, red-eyed romance!?】

【Whoa, whoa, whoa! The Crown Grandson barged into his grandfather’s harem… Gasp! While the emperor is in court! Quick, quick, quick—why isn’t there a video!?】

【Huh? Why is there no sound】

Xu Yanmiao cautiously raised his head and glanced around.

【What’s going on? Why is everyone kneeling? Where’s the emperor?】

The emperor had left for the harem to catch someone in the act.

The court officials silently added in their minds—

“Caught in the act by you, of all people.”