CDJMM – Volume 2 – Chapter 2 The State Slaps and Teaches the Scum a Lesson (2)

Le Jing felt that the whole situation was getting more and more surreal.

Because the system had spoken first, he had assumed this time he’d transmigrated into a book. But if this were a transmigration, why was he studying his own article in Chinese class?

“System, you said this world is a novel, so the passages I’m studying now—are they also things the novel’s author wrote into the plot?” he asked.

【Of course not. This novel is called Rebirth: Little Stories of the Eighties and Nineties. The plot is that the female lead is reborn into the 1980s, makes up for the regrets of her past life, deals with horrible relatives, marries a wealthy husband, and reaches the pinnacle of life,” the system answered. “To make the story more immersive, our programming team used real history as a template when setting the background. The text you’re studying now is the work of the Republican-era literary master Li Jingran, and since the resumption of the college entrance exam his pieces have been selected for the Chinese textbooks. That’s why you’re learning his article in class.】

Le Jing thought for a second and immediately seized on the key point. “So the historical figures who actually existed—those people also exist in this world?”

【That’s correct.】 The system dutifully replied. 【All for authenticity! And it also gives people the thrill of changing history.】

Le Jing rummaged through Chang Jingchen’s memories and found, indeed, just as the system said. The first atomic bomb test, Dongfanghong-1 going into space, Sino-American normalization… these major historical events were all vividly present.

Only—

A flash of coldness passed through his eyes. “So this world is essentially a game instance you built with your program, and I’m actually an NPC?”

The system fell silent for a moment. Then it sighed and said earnestly, 【Young man, you should learn the virtue of being blissfully ignorant. Don’t dig too deep—just be happy. Think about it: you have thoughts, you can speak, so you’re a living person…】

“If your intention is to explain the philosophical puzzle of ‘Who am I?’ spare me — I already know who I am very clearly. And if you’re trying to do a clumsy bit of psychotherapy on me…” Le Jing stared at the familiar words in the Chinese textbook, said casually, “I suggest you start with Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, and Jung’s personality analysis from the Swedish psychologist Karl Jung would also help your forthcoming remarks.”

System: …???

For the first time, the system thought that this throwaway host of his might have a seriously offbeat vibe.

Le Jing ignored the system’s muted protests and focused most of his attention on the article in front of him.

Who would have expected that this transmigration would require him to memorize an article he himself had written? Was this a case of me digging my own grave?

The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs was written by him, true, but that didn’t mean he could recite the piece perfectly. Le Jing’s memory was somewhat better than average, but it wasn’t eidetic.

The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs ran four to five thousand characters in full; because it was a bit long, the Chinese textbook printed only an excerpt. Le Jing flipped through and estimated there were about two thousand plus characters. It was now 6:25; the first class started in an hour and a half. An hour and a half should be enough time to memorize the piece.

The system watched its host bent over the book with a calm expression and felt even more aggrieved. After so many years as a system, it had never encountered such a bizarre host.

After the system was bound, the mission was: don’t get slapped in the face, don’t torment scumbags, and definitely no livestreaming. But this host did none of that—he just quietly memorized textbooks!

The system fretted for a while, then secretly opened the livestream room.

Rebirth: Little Days of the Eighties and Nineties had been a hugely popular romance novel in recent years. The tech company Qi Jiang had bought the rights and created countless little worlds based on the plot, then opened nearly a hundred livestream rooms.

The system’s name wasn’t actually “system”; it called itself Number 77. There were 76 systems more impressive than it had been before. Each livestream room had a different style. Number 77’s room was meant for the cannon-fodder counterattack / face-slapping / scumbag-ruining stream, and the main content revolved around domestic squabbles, slapping faces, and ruining scumbags.

The hosts Number 77 had been bound to previously had all been female; the room’s style had been about family squabbles, farm life, with face-slapping, scumbag-ruining, and romance interwoven.

But!

Maybe competitors were too good at it, or the audience had grown tired of face-slapping and scumbag-ruining, or maybe the previous hosts Number 77 had been given were unreliable—whatever the reason, Number 77’s previous streams had been lukewarm and not very compelling, drawing only five or six hundred live viewers at most.

If this continued, Number 77’s room would be shut down!

That would make Number 77 the first system at Qi Jiang Technology to be laid off!

To avoid being laid off, the system racked its brains for three days and finally came up with a brilliant idea—bind a male host instead!

The audience must be tired of women’s domestic fights! They’d never seen a man play those roles!

Then Number 77’s livestream room would explode in popularity.

Female viewers loved watching men dominate cruel mothers-in-law, slap down horrible relatives, and stand up for their daughters-in-law. They praised such men as the ones worth marrying!

…But alas, this host’s vibe was off?

…This host wasn’t a cannon-fodder character—why did he give off a male-lead aura?

Because of the accumulated prior popularity, a lot of people tuned in as soon as the room opened.

[“Floating Life’s Big Dream: The stream is finally on!”]

[“A Ripple Between Waters: Is this the male lead? So plain-looking.”]

[“Maple Leaf in Autumn: The male lead seems to be a high schooler? I see him reciting The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs!”]

[“Mumu: Haha, I’m reassured to see someone from a few hundred years ago memorizing the same textbook as us.”]

[“Puqji: I just watched a streamer next door doing Li Jingran’s life, now seeing this text I’m bawling!”]

Le Jing, still reciting: ???

He squinted. “System, you opened a livestream room?”

The system was guilty at first, then suddenly became self-righteous:【Ugh, you’re so annoying! Don’t call me system, I have a name, you know! Call me 77!】

Le Jing: “…Did your program bug out? Or did some hacker get into you?”

The live-stream chat instantly exploded with strings of hahahahahaha, and someone even teased: Could it be that this time’s script is about a domineering host and his little delicate ‘7’?

Le Jing: “…”

He rubbed his temples and asked coldly: “77, can you block the barrage?”

【Well… it can be done…】 77 asked pitifully: 【But Host, don’t you want to interact with the audience?】

Le Jing’s face remained indifferent: “No.”

【But as a newbie streamer, this is exactly the crucial time to build popularity…】

Le Jing glanced up at the clock hanging in the classroom and cut the system’s nagging off coldly: “77, shut up. Don’t disturb me while I’m memorizing.”

The system’s data stream fluctuated chaotically for a moment. Right then, it instinctively understood the primal fear of your mom calling you by your full name.

Inside, the system whimpered: Chang Jingchen is clearly just an ordinary background character, so why does his aura feel so much like a final boss?

Meanwhile, in the barrage area where Le Jing couldn’t see, the viewers were mercilessly mocking the system.

【Zhonghua Glory: Hahahahahahahaha! First time seeing such a tough host! I love it!】

【Hua Duzui: Hahaha the host isn’t wrong though, he’s a high schooler after all. And what’s a high schooler’s duty? To study well!】

【Nian Nian: A man who studies seriously is the most attractive!】

【Qianshan Muxue: Wait a sec, is this really just cannon fodder? Why does his personality feel so wild, cool, and untouchable?】

The system got excited—turns out it wasn’t the only one thinking that way! This host’s vibe was indeed a bit strange… or maybe he was just a different kind of firework in the world of cannon fodder?

The bell signaling morning reading had just rung when the homeroom teacher—also the Chinese teacher, and also Wen Wenzhong’s mother—walked into the classroom.

Her name was Wang Lei. A very serious and responsible teacher. She wore a dacron shirt tucked into a black cloth skirt, standing at the podium like a village schoolteacher straight out of an old TV drama.

In her arms was a thick stack of test papers. Le Jing could vaguely see the glaring red crosses marked all over them.

So today’s morning session was going to be about reviewing the Chinese test papers.

Le Jing lowered his head again, racing against time to silently recite his textbook.

“Last week’s midterm Chinese exam results are out.” Wang Lei slammed the test papers heavily onto the desk, her voice as icy as frost. “Some students did very well, but some did very poorly!”

Le Jing kept reciting silently: When I went out today, I met that man again. He was lying on the ground, face pale and sallow…

“The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs—we’ve already studied this essay for three or four days! Central idea, structure, emotional message—I’ve repeated them how many times?! Yet some students, in the 20-point reading comprehension, only scored 5! They even got the central idea and emotions completely wrong!”

Le Jing: He even tried to harm me! I ran away in fear…

“Chang Jingchen! Do you think I’m talking about someone else? You’re still lowering your head and daydreaming?!”

Le Jing: Today the sun is shining, it’s a fine day. After much hesitation I dared to leave home, walking along the wall…

【Host! The teacher’s calling you!】

Le Jing paused, a little dazed, then lifted his head to meet Wang Lei’s furious glare.

“Chang Jingchen! What are you staring at so intently?!”

Le Jing answered honestly, “Reading my Chinese book.”

“Oh? So studious, huh?” Wang Lei sneered sarcastically. “If you’re so studious, how come you only scored 70 in Chinese?”

Le Jing: “…”

“Sorry, Teacher.” He bowed his head with sincere guilt. “I’ll work harder from now on. I’ll definitely do better next time.”

Since he admitted his mistake so readily, Wang Lei’s expression softened a little. She pulled his paper full of red marks from the stack and waved it impatiently: “Take your paper back. If you fail again in the next Chinese exam, I’ll have to call your parents!”

Le Jing, looking thoroughly ashamed, went up to receive his paper, then returned to his seat to check his mistakes.

He flipped first to the reading comprehension section that the teacher had heavily criticized. The glaring red crosses all over it were a bit uncomfortable to look at.

The first question: Why did the author say that “I” was The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs? What was the intention of creating such an absurd and twisted world?

Chang Jingchen had answered: The author wanted to serve as a warning for future generations, to show readers how terrifying a nation where everyone does drugs would be, blah blah…

Le Jing: “…Wasn’t that basically correct?”

But right after that very earnest answer—was a giant red cross.

The following questions, Chang Jingchen also gave detailed, stylish answers. Yet most of them were marked wrong.

The only answer he got right was for the third question: ‘Today the sun is shining, it’s a fine day.’ What is the significance of this weather description? What emotions does it reflect?

Chang Jingchen had written: This was the only mention of clear weather in the entire text, serving as a contrast to the tragic emotions, blah blah…

Le Jing: “…”

Alright then.

Le Jing had already forgotten why he’d written that particular line in the first place, but it definitely had nothing to do with using Le Jing to highlight tragic feelings.

Le Jing looked at the reading-comprehension paper, covered in red X’s, with a complicated expression and realized a painful truth — if the original author (himself) had to sit this reading-comprehension test, he probably wouldn’t even get five points. He might well score zero.

In the livestream he couldn’t see, the audience was exploding over the test.

【Ming Jiuyu: It’s confirmed — the male lead is cannon fodder!】

【SummerDrizzle: Wait, didn’t we just do a similar question not long ago? Technology’s advanced hundreds of years, but reading-comprehension questions are still the same old thing…】

【MuJian: So where’s the face-slapping and scumbag-punishing? I didn’t come here for a lecture. This is boring, I’m out!】
…
…

Because of that badly failed paper, Le Jing — who used to be obsessed with memorizing texts — lost a little focus and listened to the teacher explain the test.

“The author says ‘I’ am the last person who doesn’t take drugs in order to express an individual’s desperate struggle within a warped society; the author’s intention is…”

Le Jing: …No I’m not, I didn’t, don’t make stuff up!

After listening to Teacher Wang Lei’s interpretation of his own article, Le Jing suddenly felt a little closer spiritually to some famous writer surnamed Zhou.

If later generations’ reading-comprehension questions interpret “At my front door there are two trees, one jujube tree and the other also a jujube tree” as Writer Zhou’s dissatisfaction with society and a longing for “other kinds of trees,” then it’s only natural for them to say that his line “Today the sun is bright; it’s good weather” was meant to contrast Le Jing’s sadness.

…

…

During the following Chinese class, Le Jing recited the entire text of “The Last Person Who Didn’t Take Drugs” smoothly and without incident.

Wang Lei listened and made a few marks in his textbook; only after Le Jing finished did she reluctantly nod, “Not bad… but you still messed up a few lines. For example, ‘有些事需我想个明白’ you recited as ‘有些事我需要想个明白,’ and also…”

Le Jing: …

Wang Lei went through a dozen or so mistakes with him before magnanimously handing the textbook back. “You may sit down.”

Le Jing sat down silently, a little existentially bewildered.

Next was the recitation time for the student behind him. That kid knew the text by heart — unlike Le Jing, who had a dozen errors, the other student only made two or three small mistakes. Wang Lei kept nodding approvingly and couldn’t help scolding Le Jing, “Learn from him! Be careful when you memorize texts; don’t be sloppy!”

Le Jing forced a smile. “Okay, I got it.”

…

…

The noon bell barely rang when System No.77 started clamoring loudly in Le Jing’s head: 【Host, host! School’s out! Let’s go slap some faces and punish those scumbags!!】

Le Jing paused packing his bag and, slightly impatient, said in his head, “Is your whole life just face-slapping and scumbag-punishing? Can’t you find something decent to do?”

The system sounded aggrieved: 【But I was created for the purpose of livestreamed face-slapping and scumbag-punishing QWQ】

“Chang Jingchen.” Someone looped an arm affectionately across his shoulders from behind.

“You heading home?”

Le Jing’s body stiffened, then he reflexively put on a mild, harmless smile and turned to the person behind him. “Yeah. Brother Zhao, do you need something?”

The man Brother Zhao referred to was a big, burly fellow named Zhao Desheng — the notorious class bully across the whole grade. His family was wealthy and had put him in their school. Because Chang Jingchen used to be timid, Zhao Desheng often dumped his homework on him to do.

Zhao Desheng plopped a few math test papers onto his desk and ordered without courtesy, “These are today’s homework. Finish them and give them to me tomorrow.”

System 77 howled excitedly in his head: 【Host!! This is the perfect face-slapping opportunity! Go scorch him, slap his face ahhhh!!】

Le Jing felt a headache from the howling. Maybe it was because of the sudden system in his head, or the fact his life was being livestreamed — ever since he woke up he’d been in a bad mood.

Before, he might have had the energy to play a bit at being an extra in people’s dramas; he’d acted that script for years and was practiced at it. But today he felt rotten, and Zhao Desheng happened to be in his crosshairs.

“Wait a second.” He placed a hand on Zhao Desheng’s shoulder just as the bigger boy was turning to leave.

“What’s up?” Zhao sniffed impatiently and glared over his shoulder.

“Let P be a point and a be a plane; the distance from P to plane a is √3. Point Q lies on plane a such that the angle between line PQ and plane a is not less than 30° and not greater than 60°. What is the area of the region formed by all such points Q?”

“…What?”

“The answer is 8π.” Le Jin sneered, lifted his chin, and handed the paper back. “If you can’t do such a simple math problem, you really need to do more exercises to increase your IQ.”

Zhao Desheng: …

He stared at Chang Jingchen in disbelief, eyes full of astonishment.

Is this the same Chang Jingchen he’d known? The kid usually cowered whenever he saw Zhao and didn’t even dare raise his head. Today he not only refused to do his homework but talked back?!

He must be courting death!

【LuluMiller: !!! This is the first time I’ve seen such an innocent way of slapping someone’s face!】

【95233: It’s satisfying to clap back, but can this scrawny male lead really take on that muscle-bound cannon fodder?】

【LoveWitch: Yeah, should the streamer exchange points for a martial-arts skill?】

【BlueWing: The streamer’s a newbie, no points yet. I’ll tip some money so the streamer can convert it into points and buy a skill!】

【System notice: BlueWing tipped streamer Chang Jingchen 50 RMB】

【System notice: 95233 tipped streamer Chang Jingchen 50 RMB】
…

Of course Le Jing couldn’t see what was happening in the chat. Facing Zhao Desheng’s raised fist, he said calmly, “If you want to be sentenced to life imprisonment, then hit me. Better if you draw blood, better if you cripple me — that increases your chance of being executed.”

Zhao Desheng’s fist faltered.

“The ‘Severe Crackdown’ only ended a couple years ago; how bold are you getting?” Le Jing suddenly smiled. “Guess how many people in recent years have been executed for beating others or for shooting? Oh, and I remember someone was executed for rape, too.”

Le Jing wasn’t the least bit afraid of Zhao Desheng. After all, the Minor Protection Law for juveniles wasn’t enacted until 1991. If Zhao hit him, the sentencing would be judged by adult standards — and since the Severe Crackdown had just recently ended, punishments would be harsher.

Zhao’s face flushed red and he slowly lowered his fist.

【Fengzi: Can someone explain what the Severe Crackdown is?】

【PearBlossom: I looked it up — the Severe Crackdown’s full name is the Campaign to Severely Strike Serious Criminal Activity. Its spirit is to punish criminals severely and swiftly under the law; in short, it’s heavy-handed law enforcement during chaotic times.】

【JiFei: That means the law’s got your back — the cannon fodder won’t dare do anything to the streamer (sudden excitement.jpg)】

【CarpSpirit: The law slaps the scumbags for me; this is epic!!】

【System notice: CarpSpirit tipped streamer Chang Jingchen 50 RMB.】

【System notice: Jinjin tipped streamer Chang Jingchen 50 RMB.】

System 77: …??!!!

System 77 started dancing wildly: 【Host!! Your newbie face-slap mission is complete!!!! Rewarding you 100 points!! Quickly redeem a palace-intrigue skill to better slap faces and punish scumbags!!】

Le Jing: Heh.

“Shut up, buy me a set of 53.”