AUBTN -Chapter 164 Fear of the Light Going Out

She lifted her head and looked at Su Hewan, her eyes carrying a sorrowful clarity, as if she had seen through the ways of the world.

“Wanwan, you’re smarter than me,” Yu Qing sniffed, a trace of wry mockery tugging at the corner of her lips.

“You should understand that believing something and being able to accept it are two completely different things.”

Su Hewan was slightly taken aback.

Yu Qing wiped the tears from her face and suddenly blurted out a startlingly crude metaphor: “It’s like knowing that eating shit won’t actually kill you, and in some extreme cases might even save your life. But… can you actually accept going to eat it?”

“Pfft—”

The heavy, sorrowful atmosphere shattered instantly at Yu Qing’s sudden, crude yet uncannily accurate comparison.

Su Hewan couldn’t help it—she burst into laughter through her tears.

“What’s going on in your head? Such strange ideas!” Su Hewan poked Yu Qing lightly on the forehead with her finger, frustrated at her friend’s odd logic.

“If that iron-faced, impartial Commander Lu heard you equate him to… that thing, he’d probably be so furious he’d spit blood on the spot.”

Yu Qing curled her lips in disdain. “Rough words, but they make sense. He’s doing it for the investigation, for the greater good—I know he’s just playing a part. But Wanwan, I’m human too. I’m a modern girl with a sense of cleanliness. Just thinking about a taste that another woman has left on him makes me nauseous. Even if he only has me in his heart, I can’t get past this hurdle.”

Her emotions had calmed slightly as she spoke.

She turned her gaze to Su Hewan, eyes sharpening.

“And you? Wanwan, don’t you trust Shen Jue?”

Before Su Hewan could answer, Yu Qing shook her head and said, “I know you do. That Shen Jue… even though he’s a eunuch—oh, I mean a fake eunuch—he’s ruthless in nature, but only towards you does he show care. Physically, he is completely loyal!”

Su Hewan remained silent for a moment, her eyes drifting toward the rain-soaked horizon, deep and complex.

“Yes, I trust him.”

Her voice was soft, yet carried an undeniable firmness. “I know he took those jade pendants to deceive the Princess, for the next step in his plan. In the game of power and strategy, this is the most rational choice.”

“Then why…” Yu Qing asked, puzzled.

Su Hewan turned to look at Yu Qing.

“I was angry, not because I doubted his sincerity, but because he underestimated himself… and underestimated me.”

She took a deep breath, a faint, almost imperceptible anger threading through her words.

“He’s used to walking in darkness, used to using methods that cannot see the light, used to scheming and compromising. He thinks it’s to protect me, to shield me with a piece of sky.”

“But Qingqing, I don’t want to hide behind him, to be a vine clinging to him for support.”

“Whatever he wants to do, whatever he wants to investigate, he could tell me directly. We are partners who fight side by side, not canaries kept in a cage. Is there really no other way besides acting for that woman and accepting her gifts?”

“The Shen Jue I want to see is a man who can stand tall even in hell. Not someone who tramples his own dignity underfoot for so-called shortcuts, pandering to the whims of a madwoman!”

Every word Su Hewan spoke rang with weight, precise and powerful.

She was rational, but her rationality burned with a fierce pride.

Yu Qing listened, stunned, and after a long moment, let out a deep sigh.

“In the end… it’s still because their way of thinking is different from ours.”

Yu Qing lifted her head and muttered softly, “In their eyes, having three wives and four concubines is normal, and sacrificing oneself for power is a tactic. But in our eyes, love is exclusive, and dignity is priceless.”

“Wanwan, tell me…” Yu Qing’s voice grew somewhat unsteady.

“Are we really suited for them? Two people from different worlds, forcing ourselves together… aren’t we destined to end up battered and bruised?”

Su Hewan fell silent.

This was an unanswerable question.

Traveling from the modern era to the ancient past wasn’t just a matter of crossing time and space—it was a collision of values, of life philosophies, as intense as it was inevitable.

They had fallen in love with two of the most powerful and dangerous men of the ancient world.

Yet they could not entirely sever the modern female spirit and the boundaries it carried.

“I don’t know…” Su Hewan lowered her head, gazing at the wet stains on her skirt left by the rain, her voice barely more than a sigh. “Maybe from the very beginning… this was a mistake.”

Their conversation gradually faded amid the wind and rain, leaving only endless confusion and sorrow.

At the other end of the corridor, behind a hidden rockery, two tall figures stood frozen like statues in the darkness, letting the cold rain soak their robes.

Lu Yan’s hands clenched tightly around the rocks at his side.

His icy, expressionless face was now filled with unprecedented panic.

Shen Jue was no better.

In his deep, piercing phoenix-like eyes, fear churned violently.

He pressed his thin lips together, his complexion as pale as a corpse.

They had originally chased after them to explain!

From their perspective, it was nothing more than a little whim of women—jealousy, a bit of fuss.

Just coax them, give them some sweetness, or that “hug, kiss, lift-high” nonsense, and everything would pass.

But what had they heard?

Although they didn’t understand the words!

They understood the despair in the tone, the distance and weariness woven between the lines.

It was something far more terrifying than anger or quarrels—it was abandonment.

These two women were like a sudden beam of light shining into their dark lives.

Lu Yan, accustomed to the flash of swords and the smell of blood, who had survived countless battles, found warmth in Yu Qing’s lively, spirited eyes. She made him feel that there was still a trace of life in the world, that returning home no longer meant facing cold, unfeeling walls.

Shen Jue, burdened by blood debts and crawling through the merciless Eastern Depot, found in Su Hewan’s reason and gentleness someone who could see through all his disguises yet still choose to stand firmly by his side, telling him—he was not tainted.

They had thought this light was theirs to hold, locked safely in their arms, never to vanish.

They had believed that no matter what they did outside, no matter how many dirty deeds they committed for the greater cause, the lamp would always be burning when they returned.

But now, they realized with horror—

That light… seemed about to go out.

The night’s wind and rain felt endlessly long.

At dawn the next day, the sky lightened with a pale gray, the air heavy with the scent of wet earth.

Su Hewan and Yu Qing had not slept all night, their eyes shadowed with a faint darkness.