TIPS – Chapter 113

“Right.” He avoided the young man’s gaze and spoke to himself, “Take good care of the baby. There’s still a lot going on at home that I can’t let go of yet. You don’t need to worry that I won’t come back.”

“……” Shen Junxi listened in silence and let out a long sigh. He was hurting, but what else could he do?

Fortunately, Song Jingwei wasn’t leaving right away. He stayed for a few more days, arranging everything he could. Only when he felt everything was in order did he bring it up with Shen Dongming and his wife.

Both Shen Dongming and Yang Shi were shocked. “The daughter-in-law is going out again?” Hadn’t he just gone out not long ago? They quickly asked, “What are you going for this time? The fields are already planted—are you going to look for more tea seeds? Or is it lotus roots again?”

Song Jingwei shook his head. It wasn’t any of those. He said, “I’m not going out to look for tea or lotus root seeds. Right now, the household isn’t busy, and there are still over two months until the lotus harvest. This is the best time of the year, with the nicest weather and the least work. I want to take this chance to travel a bit.”

Shen Dongming and Yang Shi were dumbfounded. Not going out for serious business—just to travel?

“Then… where do you plan to go? Is it far? When will you be back?” They fired off a series of anxious questions.

“I only have a rough plan for now. Lord Zhang sent me a letter mentioning a few places. I want to take a look, but nothing is set in stone,” Song Jingwei answered one by one. “It might be far, but I’ll be back before the lotus harvest.” After a pause, noticing the couple’s stunned silence, he added, “While I’m gone, I’ll have to trouble you both to take care of Benben and the fields. But please don’t overwork yourselves—leave the hard labor to the hired workers.”

After saying this, he turned to the young man. Just like his parents, Shen Junxi couldn’t accept his wife’s decision—but he also couldn’t stop it.

“I’m just going on a short trip. If you keep acting like this…”

Shen Junxi shook his head and held his hand. He didn’t want to hear the rest—because he knew whatever came next wouldn’t be pleasant. He also knew that he was being unfair to Song Jingwei. Jingwei had said long ago that he wanted to leave someday. Now, he wasn’t even really leaving, just going out to see the world for a bit—and he promised to return. But still, Shen Junxi couldn’t shake the fear that once his wife left, he wouldn’t come back.

“It’s just two months. There’s no need for this.” That night, when they were alone, Song Jingwei spoke to him again. And maybe—just maybe—when he came back after two months, he’d no longer want to leave again. After all, long-term traveling was something Song Jingwei had never experienced before. He was still holding on to a fantasy. But things often turned out differently than imagined. Maybe it wasn’t the life he wanted after all.

Only by trying could he know. Empty words wouldn’t do—sooner or later, he would regret not taking the chance.

“……” Shen Junxi knew all too well that right now, he was the one being weighed on the scale. Even though he had a lot going for him—the baby, the home, and even the tea fields and lotus ponds Song Jingwei had personally built—so what? His wife was the kind of person who, once he made up his mind, could turn away and never look back.

“Give me a chance. I just want to go out and see the world,” said Song Jingwei, for the first time taking the young man’s hand voluntarily.

“……” Shen Junxi felt like there was a ball of cotton stuffed in his chest. He turned his face away in pain. He understood—this was a chance. There was a possibility that Song Jingwei would return and continue living with him, never leaving again. But there was also the possibility that once he left, he’d be gone for good, vanishing without a trace. Such a gamble would take all the courage he had.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

When Song Jingwei said this, the young man turned around, let go of his hand, and suddenly pulled him into a tight embrace. His face pressed against Song Jingwei’s neck, and he seemed to lose control for a moment. Song Jingwei thought he might be crying—but he wasn’t.

Shen Junxi lifted his head, his expression still calm. He slowly leaned in and kissed Song Jingwei lightly on the lips, like a dragonfly skimming the water.

Having spent so much time together, Song Jingwei was deeply familiar with the young man’s scent—it felt just like his own, utterly natural. He realized that what he had resisted wasn’t Shen Junxi himself, but rather the idea of being with a man, of being claimed and tied down.

He didn’t dislike it. Truly, he didn’t dislike it.

He cupped the young man’s face in his hands, turned his head to break the kiss, and then parted his lips to slip his tongue past the other’s…

Shen Junxi felt the softness and warmth on his lips and opened his eyes wide in shock. But then, there was no need to think about anything else—he closed his eyes and focused on the intimacy, on the shared warmth and fortune. If he couldn’t keep him in the end, at least they had this moment to hold each other tightly.

From tentative touches to deep, entangled kisses, they devoured each other’s lips and tongues without fear of pain or numbness—only fearing that they’d be torn apart too soon.

Song Jingwei pushed the young man down onto the bed, taking full control of this moment of intimacy. Only when he felt it was enough—when their breathing was a complete mess—did he finally pull away.

The young man lay tangled in the bedding, breathing raggedly, lips flushed and glistening. He covered his eyes with one hand, his heart still pounding from the closeness they had just shared.

Song Jingwei was the same. Half-sitting on the bed, he felt as if his chest still held onto that breathless sensation. He propped himself up, trying to calm his erratic breathing and clear his blank mind. Only now did he realize that kissing a man could be completely natural too—it wasn’t as unacceptable as he had imagined. When you let yourself get lost in the moment, things just… happened.

Shen Junxi turned his head to look at him, tugged at his clothes, and made him look this way.

“Hmm?” Song Jingwei turned to him and saw the young man slowly curling his lips into a smile. His eyes were filled with deep emotion, as if he was still lost in the intimacy from just moments ago, unable to come back to reality.

Shen Junxi propped himself up and sat beside him, a soft sigh brushing his lips as he leaned in close once more.

“That’s enough…” Song Jingwei turned away slightly and said, trying to avoid him. But soon he realized—the young man wasn’t trying to kiss him. He was just looking at him, with that familiar expression that said: If you want it, come to me. If you don’t, then suit yourself.

It was precisely this attitude that made Song Jingwei stop dodging. Instead, he gave it some serious thought and decided—kissing him again wouldn’t hurt.

Tilting the young man’s chin, Song Jingwei once again took his lips, kissing him gently, slowly, and deeply.

Shen Junxi wrapped his arms around his shoulders. This time, it was he who pushed Song Jingwei down onto the bed, kissing him with lingering tenderness and intensity. Though it was only the second time he’d done anything like this, instinct guided him—he didn’t need to be taught how to express himself, how to use lips and tongue to convey longing and love.

It was a kiss so tender that Song Jingwei couldn’t bring himself to refuse. The young man’s carefulness, his cherishing touch, left him with no will or strength to push him away. He was so gentle, so cautious, that even as he pressed against him, he didn’t dare place his full weight on him, only hovered lightly above, barely covering him.

“All right…” After a long while, when his lips were tingling and his mouth felt parched, Song Jingwei dodged the young man’s approaching lips again and said, “Let me up. I want a drink.”

“Mm.” Shen Junxi smiled, slowly got off him, and went to pour a cup of warm tea.

“I’ll do it myself,” Song Jingwei said, getting up and walking to the table to drink. He drank three cups in a row before he finally felt his thirst quenched.

The young man beside him also drank a few cups of tea. When Song Jingwei stopped, he leaned over again. His lips once more found their way to Song Jingwei’s, brushing softly. Their bodies stayed apart, but their lips intertwined once more.

They each tasted the lingering tea in the other’s mouth—a touch of bitterness, a hint of sweetness.

“……” This really is enough now, Song Jingwei thought, pulling away with a serious expression and saying, “Go sleep. I’m going to bed too. We have to get up early tomorrow.”

“……” Shen Junxi looked away, still feeling a heavy weight in his chest. He knew exactly why Song Jingwei allowed such closeness tonight—only because he was leaving. That was the price.

Song Jingwei opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Everything that needed to be said had already been said. Everything that shouldn’t have been done, had already been done. If he truly wanted to grant Shen Junxi’s wish, the only way would be to stay. But to willingly stay for Shen Junxi’s sake—he still couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Thinking this, he got up and returned to his own bed. As for the young man behind him, he wanted to be selfish this time and not care.

After sitting there for the time it takes to drink half a cup of tea, Shen Junxi also got up—but he left the room.

Barely a quarter of an hour later, he returned, carrying their sleeping son, Benben, in his arms. He came over and placed Benben onto Song Jingwei’s bed.

“Why did you bring him over?” Song Jingwei asked in surprise. It had been Shen Junxi’s own idea to let Benben sleep at Yang Shi’s place tonight.

“Don’t you miss him?” Shen Junxi gently touched the little boy’s cheek and said, “It’s your last night—spend it with him.” He knew Song Jingwei could be heartless, but he didn’t believe he was capable of not missing his own son. The fact that he didn’t speak, didn’t show sorrow or reluctance, was just surface-level. Deep down, he had to be thinking about it—and that was a good sign.

“Oh, then I’ll sleep with him. You go rest.” Song Jingwei looked at their son and said softly to the young man. Truthfully, he was moved by what Shen Junxi had done.

This time was different from the last. This time, he had brought up the idea of traveling far. Shen Dongming and Yang Shi both disagreed, and were probably harboring some resentment. They resented him for being heartless—knowing full well that the family couldn’t manage without him, that the baby and his father didn’t want him to leave—and yet he still insisted on going.

The ones suffering would be their son, their grandson—and themselves.

But really, that wasn’t quite right. Shen Dongming and Yang Shi’s concerns were simple: they were afraid Song Jingwei would leave and never come back. Abandoning their family of four—if that happened, the baby would lose his second father, their son would lose his wife—what kind of home would that be? Saying they hated him was too much. It was more like bitter helplessness. Why couldn’t they just keep him?

They could already imagine what their son would become after Song Jingwei left. He wouldn’t be a complete wreck, maybe—but he’d certainly be hollowed out inside, restless every day.

The farewell hadn’t happened yet, but Shen Junxi was already sitting quietly at the bedside, watching the father and son he cherished most in this life. Thinking about tomorrow’s departure, how could he possibly sleep tonight?

Song Jingwei gently stroked the baby’s hands and feet, suddenly feeling that life was unbelievably strange. He had once been such a different person—never in his wildest dreams did he think he’d end up here. If someone had told his past self, “One day, you’ll have a son and marry a man,” he’d have called security and had that nonsense-spouting fortune-teller thrown out.

And yet now, not only did he have a son—he adored him to the core, holding him in his arms every day with boundless affection and care. He always felt that no other child in the world could be as adorable as his own, that his son was the cutest little angel. Maybe this was a universal trait of all parents?

He had never imagined that such tenderness and doting would manifest in himself. He had thought he was only suited to talking business and reading reports, going on the occasional blind date when the time came—surely never working out—then returning to the company, back to work and spreadsheets. Year after year, in endless repetition, until he died of some illness.

“Shen Junxi,” he said, withdrawing his hand from the baby and looking up at the young man. “If I grow tired of the world outside, if I ever come back—I’ll be with you.”

The young man sitting at the bedside showed no surprise, because what Song Jingwei said was: if. He didn’t want ifs. What he wanted was a clear and reassuring promise.

“Don’t be too greedy,” Song Jingwei said in a rare moment of vulnerability, gazing at the baby as he murmured, “This is already hard enough for me. You should be grateful I’m leaving Benben with you.” If he were to take Benben with him, then he really might disappear for good and never return.

The young man leaned down and hugged both of them tightly. Whether it was his beloved Benben or his cherished partner, he wouldn’t let go of either.

So the wife wanted to go off on a journey—then let him go. To the ends of the earth, if necessary. If his wife didn’t come back, he’d carry Benben on his back and go find him. If he couldn’t find him in one place, he’d search the next. If he still couldn’t find him by the time Benben could crawl and walk, they’d keep searching. And when Benben grew tall and older, they’d search together. They would find him.

Early the next morning, Shen Junxi drove the ox cart and brought Song Jingwei to town. There, they picked out a horse. Song Jingwei took his bundle—inside were two changes of clothes, some banknotes, and loose silver.

With the horse purchased and the sun climbing above the horizon, it was time to part ways.

The young man stood motionless, still gazing at him. Song Jingwei said to him, “Go back. Take good care of Benben, and your parents too.” It was just two months, after all. If this were in the past, a business trip of this length wouldn’t even have stirred any emotion. It would’ve been a perfectly normal occurrence.

“Mm.” Shen Junxi glanced up at the sky. Even before his wife had left, his thoughts were already full of what he might encounter along the journey. His wife was so particular about cleanliness—could he handle the constant dust and grime? Could he handle doing everything himself? These thoughts ran endlessly through his mind, but he also understood: no amount of worry could stop him. His wife was determined to leave.

“Mm.” Song Jingwei gave him one last look, and feeling there was nothing more to say, he mounted the horse.

As the horse turned and began to trot away, the young man raised his hand and signed, “You have to come back. I’ll be waiting for you!”

Song Jingwei turned back from afar. Sitting on the horse, he looked at him from a distance—soon, Shen Junxi disappeared from view. There was no point in responding now. “Hyah!” he shouted, facing forward again and focusing on the road ahead.

He had left that warm and gentle home, and now he was alone on the road once more. Song Jingwei felt like he had returned to his old life—busy, alone, without attachments. He had no overwhelming emotions, no lingering bonds. The female office workers used to call him the “intelligent robot,” a walking, talking work machine. Solar-powered—no need to charge or upgrade.

But it was different now. Even though he had left, he still felt an invisible thread tugging at him. Sooner or later, it would draw him back.

Shen Junxi stared for a long time at the dusty yellow road. There was nothing left in that direction anymore—not even the lingering dust clouds. Eventually, he turned the ox cart around and headed home. Though his heart longed to follow the path his beloved had taken, the family still needed him. He couldn’t leave.

It was near noon when he returned. Yang Shi had been waiting for him all morning. Seeing him return—and seeing the house absent of her daughter-in-law—she sighed and said, “Good, you’re back. Take care of the baby. I’ll go make lunch.”

“Mm.” Shen Junxi walked over and picked up Benben. The child had just eaten and was full of energy, waving his little hands about.

“You… don’t overthink things,” Yang Shi said, noticing her son’s subdued mood and unable to resist comforting him. “Since he said he’d come back, then wait for him. Your wife isn’t the kind of person who breaks promises.”

“Mm.” Shen Junxi gave her a small, guilty smile. He hadn’t wanted his parents to worry. He gestured with one hand: “I’m fine.”

“Good. As long as you’re okay. I’ll go make lunch. Your father should be home soon too—he went to the fields this morning.” Yang Shi talked as she walked, putting on her apron in the kitchen and starting to wash the rice.

She used the same amount of rice as usual—out of habit.

“…Ah…” She almost muttered something, but thinking of her son outside, she held back. He was already feeling low enough.

With Song Jingwei absent from the home today, the whole house felt weighed down with a low pressure. It was different from the times when both he and Shen Junxi had been away together. Back then, though Shen Dongming and Yang Shi missed them, they didn’t feel this sense of unease. Now, uncertainty hung in the air.