TYSUF – Chapter 16 Concealing Yearning (1)

A single pen, like a silkworm spinning its cocoon, trapped her within his words.

In first class, there was a British man who liked to say, “Be British,” as a reminder to himself to live like an English gentleman.

She suddenly wondered—had Fu Tongwen also grown used to playing a role? Did he have to constantly remind himself to live like an indulgent young master? Thinking of this, Shen Xi couldn’t help but smile.

“Did you ever use a round fan as a child?” he asked, noticing her smile and smiling himself.

“No, it wasn’t really common where I grew up.”

“Now that you’re in Beijing, you should try one.”

Feeling stifled, he forced himself to think about something else. A pale hand, a blank silk fan—painting something for her might not be a bad idea.

Shen Xi didn’t fully understand but still nodded.

The distant lights were dim, yet he was so close.

The two of them sat facing each other for a while, reluctant to let go of the moment.

Shen Xi silently persuaded herself to step away so he could rest earlier. Gathering the letters, she said, “I’ll put these away.” She was the first to leave that confined space. Seeing her turn away, Fu Tongwen struggled to support himself on his arms and made his way to the restroom.

Shen Xi glanced back. The door was closed.

That meant he was still doing okay.

He finally lay down to sleep, but it was already past nine.

In the first half of the night, Fu Tongwen’s breathing was restrained, as if he were holding something back. In the latter half, his breath gradually steadied, and Shen Xi finally relaxed. Half-asleep, she was awakened by the sound of an argument outside.

First class had a 24-hour butler service, ensuring that no unrelated people wandered near, let alone allowing guests to be disturbed in the middle of the night.

Shen Xi got out of bed, and Fu Tongwen stirred awake as well. His eyes remained shut as he leaned his shoulder against the headboard and said in a hoarse voice, “Find out who it is—don’t open the door just yet.”

“Mm.” Shen Xi stepped to the door and asked in English.

It was the butler responding—along with the captain.

Surprised, she threw on an outer garment and opened the door.

In the corridor, the captain was being stopped. It was the butler arguing with him. A short distance away, two doctors from Renji Hospital were looking at her anxiously.

“Mrs. Fu, I deeply apologize,” the butler said with a bow, “for disturbing you and Mr. Fu so late at night.”

“What’s going on?” Shen Xi asked in confusion. “Is there a patient?”

With two doctors present, that was the simplest conclusion. But there was no reason for them to seek out someone as inexperienced as her.

“Yes,” said a man named Qian Yuan, stepping forward. “The two patients you operated on. We heard that the lead surgeon was you and a battlefield doctor, but that doctor has already disembarked. He left no surgical records.”

“I see,” she replied. She had to go. But with Fu Tongwen inside… “However, I need to wait for my husband’s private doctor before I can leave. My husband isn’t feeling well today—I can’t leave him here alone.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Fu,” the captain said, removing his hat. “We will arrange it as you request.”

The captain hurried away to personally find Tan Qingxiang.

Shen Xi nodded to the people outside before gently closing the door.

While waiting for Tan Qingxiang, she quickly changed clothes and carelessly tied up her hair. When she came out, Fu Tongwen was still in the same position, leaning against the headboard, his complexion terribly pale.

Seeing him like this, Shen Xi froze for a moment before immediately rummaging through the drawer. “Hold on, I’ll find you some medicine.”

Tan Qingxiang pushed the door open and stormed in. Seeing the scene before him, he yelled furiously, “Why didn’t you get him his medicine earlier?!”

“I just—”

“Do you know how serious this could get?” Tan Qingxiang, who had been by Fu Tongwen’s side for years, always carried medicine with him. He anxiously poured some out and stuffed it into Fu Tongwen’s mouth. “When did this start?”

“Last night,” Shen Xi’s voice trembled. “Probably last night. He didn’t tell me.”

“You’ve been living with him for days, and you still don’t understand his temperament?” Tan Qingxiang couldn’t suppress his anger. “I told you to take care of him, not indulge him!”

Fu Tongwen weakly grasped his wrist. “…Qingxiang.”

Tan Qingxiang’s face darkened as he struggled to control himself. “Weren’t you going to leave? Hurry up! You’re not needed here!”

Shen Xi stood there, lost and flustered. She reached out to hold Fu Tongwen’s hand, her lips parted, but no words came out. Tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks as she kissed the back of his hand. “I’m sorry…”

Tan Qingxiang’s gaze flickered slightly at the sight, his expression turning even grimmer.

Shen Xi looked at Tan Qingxiang helplessly. “Is he really not in danger?”

“Hmm.” Tan Qingxiang was unwilling to say more.

Outside the door, Qian Yuan called her name softly.

Shen Xi was shaken back to reality. She couldn’t move. On one side were her patients; on the other, him.

Tan Qingxiang ignored her and focused on observing Fu Tongwen. Perhaps sensing the situation was serious, he gave him another dose of medicine to dissolve under his tongue. It was the first time Shen Xi had seen Fu Tongwen take consecutive doses within such a short period. Panic overtook her, and she stood frozen for a full five minutes.

The medicine started to take effect.

Fu Tongwen gradually regained some strength and adjusted his posture.

Seeing her standing there in distress, he gave a weak smile and nodded slightly—telling her to go.

“Mrs. Fu?” Qian Yuan, who had been waiting anxiously outside, finally stepped halfway into the room. “Please hurry, the situation is extremely critical.”

“You staying here is useless,” Tan Qingxiang said. “You can leave now.”

Shen Xi’s palms were drenched in sweat. She squeezed her fingers tightly, gripping them until they ached.

She had to leave.

“I’ll check as quickly as I can and return as soon as possible.” Afraid she wouldn’t have the heart to leave if she hesitated any longer, she forced out the words, turned, and ran out.

Once outside, her face was still deathly pale, and her eyes were filled with tears. She couldn’t speak, but she didn’t stop. Under the stunned gazes of those around her, she sprinted down the corridor.

Qian Yuan snapped out of his daze and hurried after her, followed by his British colleague. The three of them disappeared down the hallway one after another.

Catching up to her, Qian Yuan listened as Shen Xi began recalling and recounting every detail of the surgery from that day as thoroughly as she could. She spoke continuously, her footsteps never slowing.

He listened carefully, and in that fleeting morning light, he saw her profile clearly—her tear-filled eyes, her choked voice, yet her mind remained sharp and focused.

A fragile, delicate girl who, at the same time, could exude an unwavering sense of reliability.

This was exactly the kind of person he had been searching for.

Inside the room, as silence settled, Tan Qingxiang said in a low voice, “This medicine shouldn’t be taken in excess either. Hold on for now. If it doesn’t work, we’ll reconsider.”

Fu Tongwen closed his eyes, as if in agreement.

Tan Qingxiang sat with him for a while before leaving in frustration. In the living room, he wanted to smoke but feared it would make Fu Tongwen uncomfortable. So, he propped the door open with a chair, leaving a small gap. Standing outside the room, he placed the ashtray on the ground and smoked one cigarette after another. Each time he stubbed one out, he would glance inside at Fu Tongwen.

From 3 AM to 6 AM, Fu Tongwen managed to sleep peacefully for a few hours.

He had his own internal clock—no matter how exhausted he was at night, he would wake up at a fixed time for those five minutes.

Tan Qingxiang wrung out a warm towel and handed it to him. “Are you thinking about the situation in Shandong?”

Fu Tongwen took the towel and wiped his hands. “The idler’s mind is the devil’s workshop. In the past, even when a hundred matters piled up, I never felt this way.” As Tan Qingxiang took the towel back, Fu Tongwen weakly started unbuttoning his shirt. “If things truly reach the worst, remember to strap explosives to me so I can take some of those Japanese in Shandong down with me.”

Tan Qingxiang let out a sharp laugh of exasperation, tossing the towel into the washbasin. Returning, he stood over Fu Tongwen. “You, Fu Laosan, are not meant to be a human bomb. If that’s all you were good for, I wouldn’t have bothered becoming your private physician.”

The two joked as they always did.

But within minutes, Tan Qingxiang suddenly grew serious, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets—a stance he only took during negotiations. “I’m going to speak to you calmly. Don’t get worked up.”

Fu Tongwen chuckled. “Why would I get worked up?”

Tan Qingxiang uncharacteristically hesitated. After a long pause, he finally began, “I told you long ago—leaving Miss Shen in America would have been the best for everyone. Tongwen, bringing her back was already a mistake. And now—” He struggled to control his emotions. “You’ve supported so many young women, even that Dou Wanfeng, and that was fine. But Shen Xi—” He stopped again.

Fu Tongwen looked at him.

At last, Tan Qingxiang blurted out, “The Shen family was wiped out, and your eldest brother was the mastermind! Your father wasn’t innocent in it either! Tongwen, have you lost your mind? Bringing her back to China was already a mistake—how could you get emotionally involved?”

His words echoed in the room.

Tan Qingxiang was still breathing heavily. Even after finally voicing what had weighed on him all night, he felt no relief.

Silence fell, sudden and absolute.

He stared at Fu Tongwen. Fu Tongwen stared back.

“Come help me change—I’m drenched,” Fu Tongwen said softly, ignoring the topic entirely.

Tan Qingxiang wanted to push further, but he feared triggering another episode of his heart condition and didn’t dare. Sighing heavily, he fetched a fresh shirt and helped him change.

“I think you’ve lost your mind, Tongwen. Think carefully about what I’ve said,” Tan Qingxiang muttered in the end.

There were only two things in this world that people could neither take up lightly nor put down easily: national hatred and family vengeance.

Love, in comparison, weighed nothing on such a scale.

Fu Tongwen didn’t respond. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom. As he closed the door, his eyes landed on the delicate strands of black hair in the bathtub.

The 30th Year of Emperor Guangxu’s Reign.

The Shen family was executed in the first lunar month. By June, the youngest daughter, Shen Wanyang, was finally sent to Beijing.

That year, the train station at Qianmen was still rudimentary. A wooden sign reading PEKING stood by the tracks, and passengers stepped directly onto muddy ground. The wooden fence served as the station’s main entrance.

Outside the station, there were mostly horse-drawn carriages and mule carts, with very few rickshaws.

The automobile he rode in that day was parked fifty meters away. Hungover, his head aching, he heard a voice by the car window:

“Master, they… didn’t dare tell you earlier. Something went wrong. We only managed to save a young miss. Hiding her in the Eight Great Hutongs will be a hassle.”

Hiding a young master would have been simple. But a young girl? That was a problem even for the servants.

Half-drunk and half-awake, he ordered them to send this once-noble, now-criminal girl to a low-class brothel.

In Beijing, even brothels had hierarchies. Qingyin Xiaoban was top-tier, while Huayan Guan was at the very bottom—a place of impoverished opium addicts, aging prostitutes, and pretend “relatives” of the madam. The easiest place for someone to disappear.

“Get her a rickshaw. Let her have a decent meal,” were the last words Fu Tongwen said that day.

There were only two rickshaws at the station. One of them took her.

Later, when the eldest young master of the Fu family heard about it, he assumed his younger brother’s usual indulgence in prostitutes had escalated into a fondness for raising underage girls. Whenever the topic arose in casual conversation, Fu Tongwen would jokingly dismiss it as, “I’m just afraid my confidantes would get jealous,” so he had to keep her in a low-class brothel instead of a high-class one.

Years passed. He never once saw her.

If it weren’t for that fateful night’s murder case, who knew how this play would have continued? Only the heavens knew.

The bathroom had no windows, so the damp air had no way to escape.

The tub was filled with icy water.

Fu Tongwen rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and pulled the plug. Water gushed down the drain, taking the strands of her hair with it, spiraling into the black void before vanishing completely.

Both severely injured patients were in critical condition.

One, who had a severe thigh wound, had already been informed by the British surgeon that amputation would be necessary. But they were on a cruise ship, without the conditions for such an operation. The only option was a conservative approach until they reached shore.

As for the other patient…

Shen Xi and her team had no choice but to perform immediate surgery, doing everything in their power.

But the outcome wasn’t good.

The chances of survival were slim.

Shen Xi and the British man were both splattered with blood in the middle of the surgery, covering their faces and bodies. They wiped their faces clean, but their clothes were another matter. Shen Xi hesitated, worried that returning like this might make Fu Tongwen uncomfortable. After a moment of hesitation, she asked Qian Yuan, “Are there any women traveling with your group?”

“Yes, my colleague’s wife is with us,” Qian Yuan replied, handing her a warm towel and gesturing toward the corner of her eye.

“Could I borrow a change of clothes? I don’t want to scare anyone by going back like this.” She wiped her face and returned the towel to him.

Qian Yuan had overheard Tan Qingxiang’s words last night and had an inkling about their fake marriage. However, seeing the way Shen Xi seemed to care about Fu Tongwen, he chose not to say anything and simply agreed.

He took Shen Xi to a second-class cabin to change. Facing the mirror, she cleaned the blood from her hair and then quickly excused herself.

There were no stairs leading directly to first class from here. Qian Yuan pointed her toward an outdoor staircase that led to the public deck.

She held onto the railing and ran up.

The wind blew against her, making the long dress—borrowed and not her own—billow around her.

Sunlight, sea breeze—this was a sight Fu Tongwen should see too. Only the bloodstained clothes in her arms ruined the moment. Once she returned to the room, she needed to throw them into the washroom immediately—letting him smell blood wouldn’t be good.

Eager to return, she finally reached the first-class corridor but forced herself to slow down when two noblewomen passed by, smiling politely.

Suppressing the urge to run, she quickly reached the door. The first thing she noticed was the ashtray filled with cigarette butts—at least a dozen.

Left by Mr. Tan?

What could have happened to make him smoke so much?

The joy of returning turned into unease. She hurriedly knocked on the door—no answer. She fished out the key from her pocket and opened it, finding the room empty. Everything was tidy; the bed had already been made by the butler. She checked the private deck—nothing.

She asked the butler, who guessed that Fu Tongwen might still be having breakfast. He should have been back by now, but today, he wasn’t.

Her uneasiness grew. She went to the dining hall.

The vast space was nearly empty—only Fu Tongwen was there.

A waiter, seeing her enter, quickly greeted her and went to alert the chef.

“I thought you’d be in the room.” The waiter pulled out a chair for her. Shen Xi nodded in thanks and sat down, lowering her voice with a small laugh. “You usually finish eating by this time.”

“I just wanted to sit for a while,” he replied.

No wonder there was only a glass of water in front of him.

Leaning forward slightly, like a child explaining why they were home late, she said, “I wanted to come back earlier, but I couldn’t leave. My patient’s condition isn’t good—one has to be taken off the ship, and the other is in critical condition. Today, or maybe even tomorrow, I need to stay there and keep watch. Do you want Mr. Tan to keep you company?”

There were doctors better than her, but these were her first patients. She didn’t want to give up halfway. Her skills might not be enough, but at least her heart was in the right place.

Fu Tongwen nodded. “It’s fine. I’ll talk to Qingxiang.”

Shen Xi lowered her voice even more. “Did Mr. Tan say anything? Are you okay? Do you need any medicine?”

He smiled. “Do I look unwell?”

She smiled too, lips pressing into a thin line, shaking her head gently.

Compared to last night, he seemed like a completely different person.

He asked the waiter for a menu. “Let’s change the dishes, try something new.”

Her mood lifted. She took the menu, about to ask for his recommendation—

But when she looked up, he was already reading the newspaper.

She hadn’t even noticed when he picked it up—had it appeared out of nowhere?

Something felt off. A strange emptiness settled in her chest. “Is that a new one?”

“Old,” he said without looking up. “But I haven’t read it before.”

They sat in silence, enclosed in the same space, with no exchange of words.

Shen Xi wanted to check his pulse for reassurance, but just as she reached out, he blocked her with the newspaper. “Enough.”

The force he used was a bit heavier than expected.

She froze.

Fu Tongwen immediately looked apologetic. “My hand slipped—don’t take it personally.” He smiled, folding the newspaper neatly and placing it on the white tablecloth. After a brief pause, he smiled again. “Stay and sit for a while. I won’t keep you.”

Without saying where he was going, he grabbed his jacket and walked toward the revolving doors.

Through the frosted glass, his figure quickly disappeared.

Shen Xi remained in her seat.

She tried to mask her emotions, resting her cheek in her hand, eyes downcast at the tablecloth. With her other hand, she anxiously picked at her fingernail, pressing hard enough to hurt.

Last night, she had gone too far.

He had been in a critical state, yet she had left him with Mr. Tan to save her patient. She had been gone until morning.

But she truly had no other choice…