SBCEJM -Chapter 139 Zhang Chief Clerk and His Shy Couple! Three “I’m very capable” Unlock a New World

【The third gossip target: the Chief Clerk of the Ministry of Personnel, Zhang Wenyan.】

The system’s voice carried a hint of mischievous laughter.

【This one… cough, cough… is not suitable for minors!】

The words “not suitable for minors” instantly made everyone in the court perk up their ears.

Even the usually rigid Imperial Censor leaned forward secretly.

Zhang Wenyan’s ears turned bright red in an instant, his whole body stiffening on the spot.

It’s over. It’s finally his turn!

He desperately tried to shrink into the crowd, wishing he could just disappear.

【Zhang Chief Clerk and his wife actually have a good relationship, but there’s a fatal problem—they’re both extremely shy!】

【They usually talk from three steps away, bow when passing tea, and even apologize for a long time if their chopsticks accidentally touch during meals.】

Feng Zexuan Feng Zexuan couldn’t help but think: “Wow, how pure can they be? A socially anxious couple from ancient times?”

Zhang Wenyan thought bitterly: Is… is there something wrong with that? Husband and wife should naturally treat each other with respect!

The system continued exposing details:

【They’ve been married for three full years, and the number of times they’ve consummated the marriage can be counted on one hand!】

【Every time, they were so nervous it felt like going to execution. Zhang Wenyan fumbled awkwardly, while Madam Zhang buried herself under the blanket like an ostrich out of embarrassment.】

【In the end… lights out, both clueless, red-faced and necks flushed, treating it like a task to complete—just rushing through it.】

Feng Huai’an was inwardly groaning.

Daughter, can you not think about this kind of topic in court? Your old father’s face is about to fall off!

Princess Xiao Mingyue Princess Xiao Mingyue felt her face burn.

This Northern Prince really thinks about anything!

The officials were all red-faced, trying hard not to laugh.

The Minister of Personnel thought with emotion: The same Zhang Wenyan who usually gives strict performance reviews like a grim reaper… is actually such an innocent scholar in private?

What a huge contrast!

【This couple was truly troubled!】

The system sounded sympathetic.

【Their clan kept urging them to have children, and they also wanted one—but every time they reached the crucial moment, they got stuck.】

【Madam Zhang secretly cried several times. Zhang Wenyan couldn’t sleep either, sighing at the mirror every night until a few strands of his hair turned white.】

【In desperation, they secretly sought out Yuan Tong.】

Chu Heng’s temple throbbed.

This demonic monk’s tricks are getting more and more ridiculous.

From turtle crawling to lion roaring—what’s next, barking like a dog?

The system continued:

【Yuan Tong, the scam monk, listened and got amused. “There are still such pure couples in this world?”】

【He stroked his beard and said with deep mystery: “This is a ‘mental blockage,’ caused by imbalance of yin and yang. It must be broken with the ‘Lion’s Roar Technique!’”】

The hall fell silent.

Lion’s Roar technique?

What on earth is that?!

【Yuan Tong pulled out a yellow talisman from his robe, covered in strange scribbles—probably even he didn’t know what it meant.】

【Then he solemnly instructed: “Before every ‘ritual of husband and wife’, you must hug for half a quarter-hour, list three of each other’s flaws, then face east and shout three times at the top of your lungs: ‘I AM VERY CAPABLE!’ Remember—loud enough to shake the roof tiles!”】

Silence.

Dead silence in the imperial court for a full three seconds.

Then the entire court almost suffocated trying not to laugh.

【I AM VERY CAPABLE!】

Feng Zexuan was laughing so hard internally she nearly rolled over.

Zhang Wenyan’s soul almost left his body on the spot.

He secretly glanced around, thinking only one thing: Resign. Immediately resign. Go farm somewhere!

The system laughed:

【They actually believed it! And went back to try… and it worked!】

【At first, when they hugged, both were stiff as wooden posts. But slowly, their heartbeats aligned… the atmosphere changed.】

【When they listed flaws, it was hilarious—Zhang Wenyan finally stammered, “You… you snore sometimes.” Madam Zhang shyly replied, “You drop rice on your clothes when eating.”】

【They gradually relaxed, even started laughing, finding each other’s flaws kind of cute.】

【And those three shouts of “I AM VERY CAPABLE”—after shouting, both felt strangely energized, as if they had to live up to those words.】

The Crown Prince was shaking from suppressed laughter.

This scene is too funny!

【From then on, the sound of “I AM VERY CAPABLE” echoed around Zhang’s residence.】

【Neighbors thought it was haunted and even reported it to authorities!】

【When officials came, Zhang Wenyan had to awkwardly explain it as a “unique health cultivation technique” requiring vocal exercises.】

【Shockingly, they believed it! Even praised Madam Zhang for her diligence! One even asked if he could learn it too!】

Feng Zexuan laughed until tears nearly came out.

“Health cultivation technique?! And they believed it?!”

Xiao Juechen was so engrossed he didn’t even notice officials were reporting matters.

When he finally came back to his senses, he saw a minister staring at him blankly.

“Ahem… what did you just say? I was… contemplating military strategy. Say it again.”

The minister thought silently: Your Majesty, you weren’t even pretending properly!

【The best part: this ‘Lion’s Roar technique’ completely liberated the couple!】

【Their marital life improved dramatically, sweeter than newlyweds!】

【Now Madam Zhang is already two months pregnant! Zhang Wenyan walks with pride these days!】

Feng Zexuan was dying of laughter.

【Yuan Tong’s nonsense—I really can’t even argue with it anymore!】

Thus, Yuan Tong’s “Four Great Miraculous Treatments” were fully exposed:

Li Yuanchen: fixed infertility (with a questionable process)

Zhou Bingqian: cured mama’s boy syndrome

Liu Neng: corrected son-preference mentality

Zhang Wenyan: saved a shy couple (successfully conceived)

The court fell into a strange silence.

This… this monk actually works?

Although the methods are bizarre, the results are shockingly effective.

Feng Zexuan concluded:

【I declare Yuan Tong the strongest “crooked-mouthed monk” of the year! In modern times, he’d be a top-tier relationship consultant!】

After the gossip ended, the atmosphere in court subtly shifted.

Yuan Tong’s reputation rapidly rose—from “fraudulent monk” to “enlightened master.”

Zhang Wenyan, though mortified, felt genuine gratitude.

Other officials began considering their own problems…

And Feng Zexuan was already thinking:

Should she privately ask about the proper posture of “turtle crawling”?

After all… her back really wasn’t feeling great.

As for Li Yuanchen, his thoughts were entirely elsewhere.

He was already planning how to ask about that “fertility pill” after court ended…