SBCEJM -Chapter 1 What Do You Mean the Emperor Lasts Three Seconds!?

【Is it still in time? Brain storage area here.】

“Xuan’er, bear with it.”

Her mother, Madam Li, tightened the white binding cloth around her chest layer by layer.

“Hiss…”

Feng Zexuan sucked in a sharp breath.

It felt as though her ribs were about to snap.

Breathing became difficult.

To properly impersonate her older brother, Feng Zekai, she had to erase every trace of femininity.

The mirror reflected a face that resembled her brother’s by seventy percent.

Only her features were softer.

The maid Xi’er used dark powder to sharpen the contours of her face, adding a touch of masculine elegance.

Finally, she put on the brand-new crimson official robe.

Third place in the imperial examination. Compiler of the Hanlin Academy. Sixth-rank official.

These clothes should have belonged to her brother.

Unfortunately…

Feng Huai’an, her father and a fourth-rank censor, had already been waiting outside.

He clearly hadn’t slept all night; dark circles hung beneath his eyes.

When he saw his “son” walk out, his gaze turned complicated.

Guilt. Worry. And a sliver of forced hope.

“Zekai.”

His voice was hoarse.

“Remember this: in court, speak little. Listen more. Watch more. Don’t stand out.”

Feng Zexuan nodded, trying her best to imitate her brother’s cold and detached temperament.

【Don’t worry, Father. I’d love nothing more than to be a mute background prop.】

【The highest realm of being a salted fish is eating and waiting to die peacefully.】

Feng Huai’an’s footsteps paused almost imperceptibly.

That voice just now… was Xuan’er’s?

He turned to glance at the “son” beside him.

Feng Zexuan stared straight ahead, her expression indifferent and distant.

He rubbed his forehead, suspecting his lack of sleep had caused auditory hallucinations.

The carriage rolled through the silent streets, the sound of wheels especially clear.

Feng Zexuan closed her eyes to rest, though in truth she was communicating with the system in her mind.

【System, are you sure I won’t get exposed like this?】

A crisp youthful voice immediately replied:

【Relax, Host! You and your brother are fraternal twins—you already look alike. Add your incredible disguise skills, and it’s rock solid!】

【But I don’t know anything. What if the emperor tests me on policy essays?】

【Host, you’re currently a Hanlin Academy compiler. Your main job is editing books and compiling history. You won’t need to debate the emperor directly for now.】

The system comforted her.

【Besides, haven’t you got me? Hurry up and collect gossip points! The shop has “Photographic Memory Capsules” and “Eight-Bucket Wisdom Pills.” You’ll become a super genius instantly!】

Feng Zexuan finally relaxed.

For her brother’s sake, she had to endure this.

The carriage stopped outside the palace gates.

Following her father out of the carriage, Feng Zexuan was struck by the icy morning wind.

She shivered.

The towering vermilion palace walls stretched into the clouds, carrying an overwhelming sense of oppression.

Officials stood around in small groups, conversing quietly.

When they saw Feng Huai’an and the “Feng Zekai” beside him, many gazes turned toward them.

The newly appointed third-place scholar was naturally eye-catching.

Feng Zexuan forced herself to straighten her back and maintain a cold, expressionless face.

【Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me.】

【I’m just an innocent stand-in actor.】

Feng Huai’an frowned again.

He heard it again!

That voice was unmistakably Xuan’er’s.

But she hadn’t opened her mouth.

His heart pounded wildly as an absurd thought surfaced.

Could it be… he could hear his daughter’s thoughts?

“Three cracks of the purification whip! All officials enter the court—”

The eunuch’s shrill voice shattered the silence.

The heavy palace gates slowly opened.

Feng Huai’an had no time to think further and lowered his voice to warn her:

“Stay close to me.”

Feng Zexuan took a deep breath and stepped into the heart of the dynasty.

Inside the Golden Throne Hall, sandalwood incense curled through the air.

Civil and military officials stood in orderly ranks according to status, silent as death.

Feng Zexuan stood at the very back, trying her best to minimize her presence.

Her head lowered slightly, she only dared stare at the golden floor tiles before her.

“Long live Your Majesty! Long live forever!”

The thunderous chorus of voices echoed through the hall.

Feng Zexuan knelt along with everyone else, though her movements were somewhat stiff.

“Rise.”

A deep and authoritative male voice descended from the dragon throne high above.

The voice was magnetic, carrying the pressure of one long accustomed to supreme power.

Feng Zexuan secretly glanced upward.

The man seated on the throne wore a black dragon robe and a twelve-tasseled imperial crown.

The hanging jade strands obscured most of his face, revealing only a sharply defined jawline.

Xiao Juechen.

The ruler of this fictional dynasty.

【Wow, this emperor has such a powerful aura!】

【His voice sounds nice too. Wonder if he’s handsome. My face-con DNA is activating.】

Feng Zexuan muttered inwardly.

On the dragon throne, Xiao Juechen’s hand twitched slightly.

What had he just heard?

A crisp, unfamiliar voice suddenly echoed through the court.

Face-con? DNA?

What were those?

His sharp gaze swept across the officials below.

Who dared behave improperly before the throne?

The court remained utterly silent. Every official stood respectfully with lowered eyes.

Feng Zexuan had absolutely no idea her inner thoughts were leaking out.

She was still working hard to play the perfect background character.

Just then, the system suddenly grew excited.

【Ding—Detected an enormous piece of gossip! Extremely valuable! Host, receive it now!】

Feng Zexuan perked up instantly.

【Quick, tell me!】

The system’s voice exploded in her mind with barely restrained excitement:

【Shocking! The current emperor, Xiao Juechen, may look vigorous and mighty, but in reality…】

【He only lasts three seconds!】

Pfft—

Feng Zexuan nearly choked on her own saliva.

She jerked her head up and stared at the emperor on the dragon throne in disbelief.

【What?! Three seconds?!】

【That explosive?! Then wouldn’t his harem of three thousand beauties basically be living like widows?】

【That’s tragic, Your Majesty. Attractive but useless. I hereby declare this the year’s most tragic gossip.】

Silence.

Absolute silence engulfed the Golden Throne Hall.

The expressions of every civil and military official froze instantly.

What had they just heard?

Three seconds?

Living like widows?

Most tragic of the year?

Who dared utter such treasonous words?!

Everyone held their breath in terror, cold sweat soaking their backs.

Yet at the same time, the flames of gossip burned fiercely in their eyes.

Could His Majesty really… only last three seconds?

On the dragon throne, Xiao Juechen’s face darkened instantly.

“Insolence!”

He slammed a hand against the armrest of the throne, his fury shaking the hall like thunder.

“Who was it?! Show yourself before me!”

Someone actually dared discuss his most private matters openly in court!

This was the ultimate humiliation!

Feng Zexuan trembled from the roar.

【Whoa, the emperor’s angry. Which unlucky bastard provoked him?】

【But honestly, three seconds is kinda fast. Does the system shop have medicine for that? Maybe once I save enough gossip points, I can get him a pill or something.】

Xiao Juechen: “……”

The officials: “……”

After a brief moment of chaos, everyone’s gaze collectively landed on the young man standing at the back of the line.

The newly appointed third-place scholar, Feng Zekai.

After all, he was the only newcomer in the hall.

Yet his mouth was clearly closed.

Feng Huai’an’s legs nearly gave out on the spot.

It was over.

He really could hear his daughter’s thoughts!

And judging by everyone’s reactions, so could the entire court—including the emperor!

Xiao Juechen’s gaze was as sharp as a blade, locked onto Feng Zexuan.

He was certain now.

It was this newly appointed third-place scholar.

Even though he hadn’t spoken, that voice had clearly come from his mind!

Mind-reading?

No… this brat was slandering him internally!

Xiao Juechen laughed from sheer anger.

What a Feng Zekai.

What nerve.

Just as he was about to order this outrageously bold scholar dragged out and executed—

Feng Zexuan’s thoughts rang out again.

【System, how much is this gossip worth?】

【Ding! S-rank royal secret! Worth 3000 gossip points!】

【Spend 5000 points to exchange for a “Restore Masculine Glory” pill. Have your dad present it to the emperor and turn him into a one-night-seven-times champion. There’s no way he won’t reward your father heavily!】

The words “Drag him out and execute him” froze in Xiao Juechen’s throat.

System?

Gossip points?

Medicine to restore virility?

Who exactly was this Feng Zekai talking to?

It sounded as if he were conversing with some… non-human entity.

And apparently, he could exchange these so-called “gossip points” for miraculous medicine?

Xiao Juechen’s anger was gradually replaced by intense curiosity.

If this were true…

Suppressing the storm in his heart, he stared deeply at Feng Zexuan.

The atmosphere in court had become bizarre beyond description.

At that moment, Princess Anning burst into the hall dramatically.

“Imperial Father, you must stand up for your daughter!”