RPS – Chapter 83 Conflicted

Nuo was genuinely shocked to learn that Li Feng was pregnant again. It wasn’t that it was strange for a man like Li Feng to be pregnant—that was already something they’d come to terms with—but rather that it had happened again so soon! In their tribe, even the women struggled to conceive. It often took years to get pregnant, and many never succeeded in their entire lives. Yet here was Li Feng, pregnant with his second child in just three years. The first baby was barely over a year old, and now he was expecting again. Nuo felt both happy for him and deeply envious. He couldn’t help wondering if he’d ever be able to have a child himself. If only he could bear a little one for Bu—he really wanted that!

“Aiya, Li Feng, you’re amazing! You’re already pregnant with baby number two! What do you think will happen when Li finds out?!” Nuo circled around Li Feng curiously, eyes glued to his belly, which only made the already awkward Li Feng even more uncomfortable.

Li Feng had never felt like this before—he felt like a monkey in a zoo. Though Nuo was just curious and a bit jealous, what was there to be jealous about, really? Was it attractive or pleasant for a man to be carrying a huge belly? Just imagining himself waddling with his legs spread and holding his back made him shiver. It was overwhelming. He couldn’t believe he’d actually gone through a pregnancy before.

“What’s so great about it? What’s the big deal? What’s going to happen? It’ll be the same as last time!” Li Feng pouted and deliberately pretended not to care. He was a dignified man, after all—well, maybe not literally seven feet tall, that was just a saying, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, even though he knew this body had already carried a baby before, he hadn’t experienced the full ten months of pregnancy himself. This was essentially his first time being pregnant, and he was at a complete loss. What was he supposed to do now? Was this baby in his belly another so-called “blessing” from the heavens? Could he refuse it, please???

“Pfft, stop pretending. When Li finds out, he’ll be over the moon! Babies are so cute—people want them and can’t have them!” Nuo muttered sourly. He really wanted a baby too… Really, really wanted one… and the thought looped endlessly in his mind.

“…” Li Feng sat on the stool with a complicated expression, feeling like he might collapse. This news had completely shaken him. He didn’t even care about Nuo’s jealous muttering. Men giving birth wasn’t something simple, and it wasn’t like he wanted this—this was something forced on him. All Li’s fault! He definitely wouldn’t let him do it again next time! Li Feng clenched his teeth internally. The baby was still so small, and now there was another one already? Wasn’t this a scam?! And the most frustrating thing of all—why could a man have children in the first place? And more importantly, why did it seem like he was the only one who could?!

It wasn’t as if there weren’t other male couples in the tribe, but none of them had kids. At first, Li Feng had thought all men here could get pregnant, but now it turned out he was the only exception. Was this supposed to be some kind of divine grand prize?

By evening, Li and Bu returned home. Before they’d even fully settled in, Nuo blurted out the news. Li and Bu were both stunned at first, but it only lasted a moment. Bu smiled and nodded, congratulating Li Feng warmly. Li, however, had a strange expression—he looked happy but also a bit worried, excited but also conflicted. Was he pleased or not? Did he want the baby or not?

Li Feng was already internally conflicted. He’d been debating whether or not to keep the child. The very idea of being pregnant for ten months, like a woman, terrified him. That was supposed to be a woman’s job—why did he have to do it? But now, seeing Li’s strange expression, something in him flared up. “What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t want this baby?” he demanded fiercely, even though he himself had thought the same thing earlier.

Startled by Li Feng’s sudden confrontation, Li instinctively denied it. “No! Absolutely not!” He knew full well that if he answered the wrong way now, he’d be in deep trouble. And honestly, he didn’t not want the baby. He was actually very happy about having another child. The only issue was—he’d just been thinking that while another baby was wonderful, Li Feng would definitely forbid him from doing anything with him again. An had already ruined a lot of his fun… and now there’d be another baby? Would he ever have a good day again?! That complicated mix of joy and regret was what made his expression so conflicted. He wanted the baby, absolutely, but could they not go full-on abstinent again?!

Hearing Li’s instinctive denial soothed Li Feng’s mood slightly, but he was still annoyed. “Then what was with your expression earlier? You didn’t look happy at all!” he snapped, unwilling to let it go. He was already fuming and needed a place to vent.

“No, I was just too shocked and didn’t react in time. How could I not be happy? I’m thrilled! This is our second child!” Li scrambled to explain and started laying on the affection, realizing that Li Feng was clearly upset and needed comforting.

“Hmph! If you dare say you’re not happy, I’ll take the babies and move out. You can go live on your own!” Li Feng raised his chin and declared with ‘dominance.’

Hearing that, Li didn’t even dare argue back. He nodded frantically. “I wouldn’t dare. I wouldn’t dare.” He hadn’t said he was unhappy, so why was Li Feng still so fierce? He even threatened to take the kids and leave—though let’s be real, it would be Li getting kicked out, not the other way around.

Just then, Mo, who had come home after playing with Lu all day, tugged on the hem of Li Feng’s clothes. “Uncle Li Feng, are we going to have another little brother?”

Li Feng froze. What was he and Li arguing about again? Wasn’t he the one who didn’t want the baby? Then why was he getting mad at Li for supposedly not wanting it? Wait… Did he actually want it too?

“Mo, be good. Go hold the baby for a while—we’ll talk later, okay?” Nuo quickly pulled the curious and excited Mo aside, sending him and Lu away for now. But looking at Li Feng’s complicated expression, Nuo suddenly had doubts. Did Li Feng not want the baby after all? Just now, he seemed pretty into the idea…

Nuo had already noticed, so there was no reason for Li not to notice it as well. He pulled Li Feng into the room, frowned, and asked, “You don’t like children?”

“No, I do.” Li Feng answered without hesitation. Children were cute, innocent, and pure—how could he not like them? But liking children was one thing; having to give birth to one himself as a man was another matter entirely.

“Then… you don’t like this child?” Li looked at Li Feng, who kept his head lowered, staring at his slightly swollen belly. Li couldn’t understand—if he liked children, then why…

“You don’t understand!” Li Feng didn’t even know how to explain it to him. As a man from the future, he had a deep resistance toward the idea of men getting pregnant. After all, in the modern world, no one would ever imagine that a man could have a child—without a uterus, how could it even be possible? He had always been curious about how this body was able to conceive, how it could give birth. It was bizarre, wasn’t it? If he were still in the modern world, he could have gone to a hospital for a check-up, but here, all he could do was guess.

At first, he had suspected that perhaps this body had female internal organs—that he might be intersex. But as time went on, he began to doubt that too. After all, he didn’t experience menstruation like a woman should. Without that, even a woman couldn’t conceive. So in the end, Li Feng still had no idea why he was able to get pregnant. But now wasn’t the time to worry about that. What he had to decide now was: should he keep the child or not? And if not, how would he get rid of it? There were no medicines here, and he didn’t know anything about herbal remedies. But if he chose to keep it, he still hadn’t even convinced himself yet.

“How do I not understand? Even if I don’t, you could just tell me. Do you really not want this child?” Li gripped Li Feng’s arm anxiously. He really didn’t understand what Li Feng was struggling with. Why was he hesitating now that they finally had a baby? So many people wished for one and never got it, but Li Feng was hesitating?

“I don’t know either. Let me think about it, okay?” Li Feng couldn’t bring himself to say anything that might hurt Li, especially when he looked into those deep, dark eyes. He wasn’t even fully decided himself. His heart was in turmoil. He didn’t know what to do—he just wanted some quiet to think it over.

“You…” Li looked at Li Feng, who looked so tired and worn out. He wanted to say more but ultimately held back. “Then rest for a while. If you need anything, call me.” He helped Li Feng lie down, covered him with a thin animal pelt, and turned to leave. As he walked out, his hands, clenched tightly at his sides, were so tight that his palms hurt—probably even broken skin—but he didn’t care. What he had really wanted to say was: ‘What is there to think about? Isn’t this supposed to be a joyful thing? Why are you hesitating?’

Lying on the bed, Li Feng stared at Li’s tall back, and the disappointment, anger, and sadness radiating from him. He shut his eyes tightly. He had probably hurt Li’s feelings. He didn’t even have to guess. After all, the birth of a child had always been a joyous occasion, regardless of the time or place—it meant the family line would continue, there would be more helping hands, and a legacy passed down. Especially in this primitive society, having children was considered a reward from the heavens. Children were new life, bloodline successors, and future laborers to make the tribe stronger. It was the most sacred and celebrated thing. But now, his attitude had clearly wounded Li. Still, he was grateful for Li’s gentleness and understanding. Despite being hurt, Li didn’t pressure him or demand an answer—he gave him space to think. Li Feng was deeply moved.

Li Feng started to reflect on the trajectory of his two lifetimes. But strangely, the life he had lived for over twenty years was becoming hazy in his mind. Instead, everything that had happened since he reincarnated here was clearer—every moment, every second, every event: Li, the baby, Nuo, Bu, Mo, Lu, even the animals in the backyard. All of it was vivid.

In his previous life, he didn’t have big ambitions. He just wanted a peaceful life. Even though he was only in his twenties, he already dreamed of retirement—of living a quiet and steady life. He didn’t wish for wealth or accomplishments. He didn’t want to work himself to death chasing a career. It was too tiring. He wanted something simple. But before he could even begin that dream, he got struck by lightning and ended up here.

Here, even though he had to do everything himself and didn’t always have enough to eat or wear, life was peaceful and happy. He had a home, family, friends, a partner, and children. Everything was perfect—so perfect. He didn’t know if he could ever return, and he wasn’t holding out much hope. Even if he did return, who would care? His disappearance might get a brief mention in a police file, and the orphanage or his coworkers might be sad for a moment, sigh a few times, and then… no one would remember him.

This life wasn’t what he had wanted originally, but it was here that he found happiness. Yet now, this sudden pregnancy had disturbed his calm life. He was flustered and at a loss. He gently rubbed his belly, back and forth. There was a life inside, a child—his and Li’s child. A complex mix of melancholy and hesitation filled his heart, and unconsciously, the pressure from his hand increased. Suddenly, Li Feng felt a movement in his belly. His heart skipped a beat. Was it real? Or just his imagination? Or maybe the mythical “father-child bond”—a unique emotional connection only he could sense?

Earlier, Li Feng had still been holding on to some hope, telling himself that maybe it was just bloating, or that he’d gained weight. But that sudden jolt of emotion just now told him: There really is a life inside me. His child. He didn’t know how far along he was—after all, he and Li had been intimate quite often recently. According to those cliché TV dramas, nausea and cravings meant he was maybe two or three months along. But lately, Li had been pretty rough during their moments together… would that hurt the baby?

Unknowingly, Li Feng’s thoughts drifted again. The truth was—he really did like this child. It was his flesh and blood. Even if he was hesitant outwardly, deep down, he had already decided. It was just that the morals and teachings he had always believed in made it hard for him to accept the reality that he, a man, was pregnant. So he instinctively tried to avoid it.

He lay in bed for a long time. Li never came in. Even though he had asked to be left alone, he still felt a little upset and agitated. Was Li really angry? Well, he should be. Who wouldn’t love a child? His own attitude had certainly hurt him. But now, he had thought things through. So what if I’m giving birth? He had already had one kid, even if that one was birthed by Feng. Still, he had a part in it, didn’t he? After all, he had to work hard at the end too!

And if Feng could give birth, then so could he. Besides, the tribe was already used to it. No one here knew him anyway. So what if he gave birth? What was there to fear or be ashamed of? Babies were adorable—he wasn’t scared at all!

“Baby, I’m sorry. I hesitated earlier. But don’t worry, I won’t hesitate again. Daddy will raise you strong and chubby!” Li Feng said, patting his belly with determination. But as he spoke, his voice grew softer, afraid of startling the baby. Although honestly, at this stage, the baby’s eyes and ears hadn’t even formed yet—it wasn’t like it could hear anything.

“Ah! Li Feng, you’ve figured it out!” As soon as Li Feng finished speaking, Li rushed into the room, followed by a long tail of commotion behind him.

“Hmph! Didn’t you say you wouldn’t come in? Why are you barging in now?” Li Feng still held a bit of a grudge over how Li hadn’t come in even once since he left.

“Well, you said you wanted to be alone and think for a bit!” Li replied with grievance. Of course he had wanted to come in—and he had been sad and angry earlier. But he had been keeping close attention to what was happening in the room, terrified Li Feng might do something reckless. That’s how he ended up hearing what Li Feng said to the baby—and finally, he could breathe a sigh of relief. So Li Feng did want the child after all.

“You say you left me alone to think, but what if I had fallen or something?” Li Feng started acting a bit unreasonable and petty.

“Yes, yes, my fault! I should’ve come in earlier. And I’ll make sure you never fall again. From now on, I’ll stay by your side, every step of the way. I promise, you’ll never fall!” Li pulled Li Feng into his arms, whispering sweet words. But truthfully, their stone bed was a bit high. He’d have to be careful in the future and never leave Li Feng’s side again. Though honestly, that bed only reached their knees—was it really that high?