EMHTC -Chapter 34 The Six Ministers of the Court: “I Truly Deserve to Die!”

Xu Yanmiao caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye and was startled.

【What kind of ridiculous thing is this?!】

The sound was deafening, like a morning bell or an evening drum, shocking everyone present. Almost instantly, all 1,188 officials in the court turned to look toward the back. The scene was nothing short of dramatic.

Prince Jin’s gaze was dark and brooding.

“As I expected, my royal brother is wary of me, trying to keep me in check! It’s because we resemble each other—we both take after our mother! My royal brother… fears I’ll replace him!”

This seemed to be an inescapable predicament.

Prince Jin clenched his fists in silence, thinking, “It seems that merely disfiguring myself wasn’t enough before…”

The collective gaze of the officials, their attention now all directed at him, was like a silent intimidation. It was as if the Emperor, seated on the dragon throne, was wordlessly warning him and demonstrating his command over the court.

Prince Jin said nothing, but inwardly, he sneered coldly. “Royal brother! As you wish! Your younger brother… shall crawl!”

Thus, the Emperor watched as a shadowy, twisted figure slowly crawled toward him, inch by inch.

The Emperor: “…What is this absurd sight?”

The Jin Yiwei (Imperial Guards) surrounded Prince Jin but, mindful of his princely status, didn’t dare to act without orders. All they could do was awkwardly follow alongside him, watching him crawl inch by inch.

The Emperor: “… Help Prince Jin up and bring him to me.”

Curious, Xu Yanmiao poked his head out to get a better look. He had never before seen such a strange sight in ancient times.

“Who is that?” he whispered to a low-ranking official from the Ministry of War.

The official whispered back, “That’s Prince Jin. No idea what he’s doing here.”

The Jin Yiwei lifted Prince Jin back onto his wheelchair and slowly pushed him toward the golden platform.

【Oh! That guy secretly knows the heir of Jibei Prince! But the heir isn’t here today… Wait, who’s the heir of Jibei Prince again? Oh! That’s the one with the belt decorated with seven pearls—the pearls that were taken from places where people… defecated!】

(The heirs and princes weren’t required to attend court unless they held official positions or significant duties. Prince Jin, known for never attending court, was a familiar absence, while the Jibei Prince’s heir was infamous for being as sociable as a butterfly, occasionally showing up to court.)

The Emperor’s gaze shifted to Prince Jin.

“So… my sixth brother has private dealings with Jibei Prince’s heir?”

Prince Jin’s eyes briefly met one of Jibei Prince’s secret contacts in the capital, a minor official frantically gesturing with five fingers. The contact’s expression was filled with urgency.

The official was internally screaming: “Your Highness, don’t meet with him tonight! If Xu Yanmiao notices us, we’re doomed!”

Prince Jin remained outwardly composed.

“Five fingers… Understood.”

The meeting with Jibei Prince’s heir at the third watch of the night would now be moved to the fifth.

Prince Jin nodded subtly at the contact, signaling his understanding of the true intentions behind Jibei Prince’s actions.

“Five watches… to discuss important matters.”

【Ah! The heir of Jibei Prince is still lying in the courtesan’s bed! Huh? That ‘Big Dipper’ belt with the seven pearls? He gave it to Prince Jin! And Prince Jin often fiddles with it… But it’s filthy, Prince Jin! You keep touching it and don’t even wash your hands!】

Suddenly, several people directed their gazes at Prince Jin—specifically at his hands.

Prince Jin: “?”

What’s wrong with his hands?

From the golden platform, the Emperor coughed and said, “Sixth Brother… perhaps you should wash your hands before continuing. I’ll even lend you my golden basin.”

A golden basin?

Golden Basin Hand Washing?!

Prince Jin’s pupils shook slightly. Did his royal brother already know everything? Was everything within his grasp? The intricacy of his schemes was terrifying!

No! Prince Jin had to eliminate the Emperor’s suspicions.

“Royal Brother! I’ve been wronged, Royal Brother!”

The Emperor sometimes wondered what sins he had committed in his past life to deserve being surrounded by people like this.

Decades ago, after selling himself into servitude and being separated from his parents, he had struggled to build his empire while searching for them. When he ascended the throne, he finally learned that his mother had remarried long ago and borne a son with her new husband.

It wasn’t surprising—whether during war or peacetime, single women in rural areas had a hard time surviving. Marriage was often necessary, and bearing a son was the only way to avoid being bullied or having their property seized.

The Emperor had brought his mother, her new family, and his younger half-brother to the capital. But his mother and stepfather had passed away years ago, leaving only his troublesome brother behind.

Normally, this brother was reasonable. But today, why was he acting so deranged?

“Royal Brother! Royal Brother! I’m innocent, Royal Brother!”

“Shut up!” the Emperor barked.

The hall fell into an odd silence. The Emperor took a deep breath and said, “What nonsense are you making now?”

The troublesome younger brother flinched, his expression morphing into one of pitiful helplessness. He looked at the Emperor like a fragile flower trembling in the wind.

“Royal Brother! The corruption by the Minister of Revenue, the Auditor General, and the Assistant Minister of Justice—”

The Assistant Minister of Justice couldn’t take it anymore. He shouted with all his might: “Your Majesty! I did not embezzle funds! I merely abused my power and used prisoners to handle my work!”

These are two entirely different crimes!

Prince Jin: “…”

His brows furrowed as he inwardly cursed.

The Emperor’s probing gaze bore down on him. “Was this also part of your plan?”

Prince Jin raised his voice even louder: “Royal Brother! I have no connection to them! Yes, they attended my wedding yesterday and gave me gifts, but I truly don’t know them!”

The overlapping voices created chaos, forcing the Emperor to press his fingers to his temples. After a long moment, he finally told his irksome brother, “I believe you have no ties to them. You may leave.”

Prince Jin, sensing an opportunity to retreat, bowed low in his wheelchair. “Thank you for trusting me, Royal Brother.”

【Why did he even come here? Just to make an appearance?】

Prince Jin, being an idle prince without an official position, couldn’t hear Xu Yanmiao’s thoughts. But the Emperor, who could, chuckled.

“I’d also like to know…”

The Emperor still wanted to uncover what was really going on between Prince Jin and Jibei Prince’s heir.

Prince Jin left the court. Before departing, he once again nodded meaningfully toward the minor official, signaling that he understood the arrangement for the fifth watch.

The Emperor’s wrath toward the corrupt officials remained unabated. He issued his judgment on the spot: those guilty of fiscal fraud would be executed, with their families punished as well. The perpetrators themselves would be drawn and quartered.

For those who had embezzled funds, their stolen amounts would be calculated in units of silk. For every foot of silk stolen, they would receive 100 lashes. Beyond a certain threshold, the penalty would escalate to execution by strangulation.

As for abuse of power, given the dire circumstances of disaster relief, all offenders would be beaten to death.

The court was immediately filled with cries of despair, confessions, and pleas for mercy.

A low-ranking official from the Ministry of War sneered at the chaos. “If you knew this would be the result, why did you do it? Stealing disaster relief grain and pocketing post-disaster taxes… Serves you right!”

Xu Yanmiao nodded vigorously.

【Exactly, exactly!】

Suddenly, a commotion broke out at the front of the hall. Xu Yanmiao craned his neck to see, but all he could make out was someone straightening up, seemingly speaking directly to the Emperor.

After a while, the messenger from the Imperial Guards began loudly recounting the events at the front so that all the officials could understand what was happening. — Almost every group of several hundred people had an Imperial Guard responsible for relaying messages.

Then, Xu Yanmiao realized that the person kneeling and addressing the elderly emperor at the front was the Audit General who had embezzled a million taels of silver.

Upon learning that he and his entire clan would be executed, the General kowtowed earnestly, saying, “Your Majesty, this subject deserves death, but I must speak. Punishing embezzlement of even a single piece of silk with a hundred strokes—isn’t this excessively harsh? Officials are also human and need to spend money. Those who serve far from home inevitably seek financial gain. Your Majesty, water that is too pure has no—”

Xu Yanmiao instinctively completed the phrase in his head: 【Humans that are too base are invincible.】

The word “fish” that the Audit General was about to utter got stuck in his throat. Feeling as though he’d been insulted but unsure, his face turned red with frustration, his expression extremely contorted.

The elderly emperor looked down at him from above, like a hawk watching a rabbit. “Continue. I’m listening.”

The Audit General clenched his teeth, secretly cursing Xu Yanmiao, then kowtowed heavily again before straightening up and loudly continuing: “A single piece of silk costs ten coins! Punishing an embezzlement of just ten coins with a hundred strokes frightens all officials! I implore Your Majesty to reconsider—”

Before he could finish, Xu Yanmiao’s annoying voice interrupted: 【What’s wrong with ten coins? Ten coins can buy a dou of rice, enough for one person to eat for two days!】

How could someone be so infuriating?

The Audit General’s face went blank, and his trembling hands seemed ready to form fists.

The elderly emperor gave a slight “Hmm,” nodding. “Punishing an embezzlement of ten coins with a hundred strokes… continue.”

The Audit General, now utterly deflated, stammered on: “I implore Your Majesty to reconsider.”

“I’ve thought it through nine times already,” the emperor replied calmly. “Ten coins is still too lenient—it can buy a dou of rice, enough for two days without hunger. Officials should not embezzle or accept bribes in the first place. Let’s amend it to a punishment of a hundred strokes for embezzlement of just one coin.”

The Audit General was stunned.

“Your Majesty!” he cried out shrilly. “Are you planning to run the entire imperial court by yourself? How can officials not embezzle?”

【I don’t! I don’t embezzle!】 Xu Yanmiao proudly puffed up his chest upon hearing the report from the Imperial Guard. 【I’ve never taken even a single coin!】

The Audit General: “…”

【Now that I think about it, why hasn’t anyone ever tried to bribe me? Though I wouldn’t accept it, isn’t it too disrespectful to not even try?】

The Official of the Ministry of War glanced at Xu Yanmiao but held his tongue.

Someone had tried to offer a gift, dropping hints a thousand different ways. They had said, “This fruit is a local specialty, just a small token of appreciation, rare in the capital.” But Xu Yanmiao had declared it too precious and insisted the gift be taken back. Then, he spent three days wondering about its taste before concluding: “My teacher once said that any fruit not widely grown must taste terrible,” and promptly forgot about it.

And because of that, he had annoyed his colleague for three full days.

Suddenly, the elderly emperor called out, “Xu Yanmiao.”

This time, Xu Yanmiao didn’t space out. He jogged forward to stand in the middle of the two rows of officials and saluted. “Your servant greets Your Majesty!”

The emperor: “The Imperial Guards tell me you’ve never embezzled.”

【What? Why does the Imperial Guard share everything? And now, using me as a comparison, isn’t the emperor leaving me for dead?】 Xu Yanmiao internally muttered a string of complaints but kept his head slightly bowed and hands clasped respectfully. “Replying to Your Majesty, this subject has indeed never embezzled.”

“Take me and the others to your home for a look.”

Xu Yanmiao’s eyes widened.

【What? A thousand people are all going to my house?】

The emperor clarified, “… Only those guilty of embezzlement and all officials ranked fourth grade and above from each department.”

Xu Yanmiao quickly saluted. “Understood!”

On the way, Xu Yanmiao was visibly distracted, his thoughts scattered.

【What do I do? What do I do? Why does the emperor suddenly want to visit my house? I just moved to a new place—a big, spacious, luxurious house! What if there’s a misunderstanding?】

Prime Minister Dou suddenly felt a chill down his spine. “Xu Yanmiao, you…”

Listening to his thoughts, could it be that he had embezzled?

Xu Yanmiao turned to him. “Prime Minister?”

【Calm down, Xu Yanmiao! It’s fine, this shouldn’t be a big deal!】

No, it’s a huge deal!

The six ministers of the imperial departments collectively felt their hearts sink. Clearly, the emperor intended to prove that honest officials existed, invalidating any claim of harsh treatment. But if Xu Yanmiao turned out to be corrupt as well…

They glanced at the emperor, who had remained calm throughout. A more shocking thought struck them.

Could it be that the emperor was determined to declare Xu Yanmiao a paragon of integrity, no matter what? Was this not just about setting an example but also about protecting him at all costs?

Prime Minister Dou fell into silence.

He admitted, he felt a twinge of jealousy.

“We’ve arrived!” Xu Yanmiao’s voice called out.

Prime Minister Dou looked up absentmindedly and was immediately shocked. The Minister of Personnel cautiously asked, “Is this really your residence?”

Xu Yanmiao turned to him, puzzled by the doubt. “Of course it is!”

“This house… is it big?”

Xu Yanmiao glanced back at the house and looked even more confused. “Not big? I live alone, so it’s spacious enough. It’s just a common house! A single hall, two inner rooms, with a small courtyard! The rent is four strings of cash per month!”

A single hall and two rooms, with a courtyard no more than five paces deep—how could that be considered big? Xu Yanmiao, worried he’d spent too much, quickly added, “But it’s not from embezzlement! I rented it with the princess’s wedding gift. And I only just moved in.”

Prime Minister Dou, who owned a southern estate spanning hundreds of acres with bamboo groves and streams: “…”

The Minister of War, whose northern villa had orchards and canals: “…”

The Minister of Revenue, whose gardens were filled with exotic flowers and artificial hills: “…”

The other ministers, recalling their multi-building mansions with dozens of rooms: “…”

Suddenly, they all felt the same thing: I’m such a scoundrel.

Even my coachman lives better than him!

Even the emperor was stunned.

He believed Xu Yanmiao wasn’t corrupt, but really? Not even a small token from his subordinates? Nothing at all?

Xu Yanmiao opened the door.

The Audit General broke down. “Impossible! Absolutely impossible!”

“Hey! Don’t snatch my keys!” Xu Yanmiao exclaimed as the General pushed past him.

The courtyard was barren.

“Exotic flowers…” 【Who has time for gardening? Hiring help is expensive!】

“Rock gardens…” 【With such limited space, where would I even put one?】

The General pushed open the main bedroom door, then emerged moments later in utter despair before barging into the side room and the hall.

The emperor peeked into the main room. “… A rattan bed?”

“It’s from the secondhand market—not, um, the East Market. Very cheap,” Xu Yanmiao explained.

Seeing everyone staring at him, he blinked in confusion before nodding earnestly. “It’s true! Very cheap!”