EMHTC -Chapter 123 If It Were Me, I’d Be Tempted Too

Liang Rui remained strong—he didn’t faint. But Xu Yanmiao seemed determined not to let him off the hook:

【Hey, if this actually works out, wouldn’t the old emperor have to call Little Liang his father-in-law? And then call Old Liang his great-grandfather-in-law?】

【Super bonus points!】

【Little Liang is really something—oh, and he even went straight to a favored minister. He’s got execution skills too.】

Liang Rui clutched his chest. His heart ached like hell.

Where was this kind of initiative on normal days?! Was his son so bored with life that he wanted to experience the feeling of being flogged?!

The official standing next to Liang Rui felt a million degrees of sympathy.

Having such a bold and reckless son… yeah, that had to hurt.

But…

The official strolled over and quietly instigated, “Master Liang, instead of suffering on your own, why not let your son suffer a bit? So many beautiful young ladies in the world, and he insists on falling for an old matron? Clearly, he wasn’t beaten enough as a child.”

Liang Rui took a deep breath and muttered through gritted teeth, “I don’t hit my children.”

The official was shocked. “Not even once?”

Liang Rui shook his head.

The official gasped. “That’s unacceptable! ‘A filial son is born beneath the rod!’”

Liang Rui just shook his head again.

Right at that moment, Xu Yanmiao thought:

【Hey, come to think of it, didn’t Little Liang personally tell Old Liang that he likes women who are gentle yet firm, understanding but not weak, dignified, decisive, experienced, wise, and strong-willed?】

【Doesn’t that perfectly describe Her Majesty the Empress? Good thing he’s never met her, or else…】

SMACK!

【Eh? What was that sound?】

Xu Yanmiao looked up blankly but found nothing.

【Was that just my imagination?】

Up on the golden dais, the old emperor’s palm was already red and swollen from slapping the armrest. His face was so dark it could rival the bottom of a burnt pot.

Earlier, when Liang Youwen wanted to become his father-in-law, he hadn’t even been angry—he had merely found it ridiculous. But now that the needle was stabbing into his own flesh, he finally understood what pain felt like.

Below, Liang Rui, whose chest was already aching, felt the pain intensify.

He turned to look at the official beside him, his face blank, his heart dead inside.

“Would you kindly teach me… how to discipline a child?”

The official perked up in excitement. “Let me tell you, it’s all about one thing—whipping! Use a rattan switch and smack the buttocks—it hurts like hell but won’t cause any lasting damage! You can also punish them by restricting their food—not by starving them, but by taking away all flavor. No salt in the meat, no oil in the vegetables, just dry, tasteless meals. It won’t harm them, but they’ll never forget their mistake.”

He got more animated as he spoke. “You judge the severity of their wrongdoing and decide—one meal, two meals, or even three. My son was a mischievous little brat too. Once, my neighbor had a beautiful jade vase, the glaze a perfect shade of green. My son, without saying a word, stole it and took it to his friends to play ‘Pretend Guanyin’—using it as the Water Purification Bottle of the Bodhisattva. When I found out, I punished him with three days of flavorless meals. He cried and admitted his mistake, and from then on, he never touched other people’s belongings again.”

Liang Rui nodded solemnly.

Then, he added, “Thank you. I recently acquired an excellent horse. I’ll have it sent to you after court.”

Court had barely begun, and already, half the officials were itching for it to end.

—Because only after court could they watch the drama unfold!

For instance, aside from Prime Minister Dou, many members of the Dou family were present in court. One by one, they all glared at Liang Rui with open hostility.

We all call the Old Madam our ancestral matriarch, and yet your son wants to skip the queue and become our direct ancestor?!

Liang Rui lowered his head guiltily on his son’s behalf.

【Wuhu! So Little Liang really is the love-at-first-sight type!】

Liang Rui lifted his head, his gaze firm and focused.

He had to listen carefully and find the right strategy—only then could he put an end to his son’s ridiculous delusions!

A ninety-five-year-old matriarch—how dare he—?!

【Wait… three years ago, he was also in the capital preparing for the imperial exam—oh, so this is his second attempt.】

Liang Rui’s anxiety surged.

Why had he never noticed before how irritating it was that Xu Yanmiao’s thoughts kept wandering off to other topics?!

【Then he got cravings and gathered a bunch of people to go into the mountains to dig for mushrooms—】

【Wait, this guy has always been this reckless?! Going into the mountains in the dead of winter—was he not afraid of getting into trouble?】

【Holy crap, he spotted mushrooms growing inside a dried-up well and just climbed right down to pick them? Damn, those are some serious skills!】

Liang Rui stayed silent.

But the other officials could clearly sense his growing frustration.

Their expressions became even more sympathetic. Xiao Baize does this all the time. Just endure it.

【And then… he got poisoned?!】

Liang Rui’s brows furrowed deeply.

For the first time, he realized—his son really didn’t seem to care about his own life at all.

He dared to venture into the deep mountains in winter. He dared to climb into an old well without knowing if it was dangerous.

Such recklessness was far from admirable.

Up on the golden dais, the old emperor thought viciously, Why didn’t that little bastard just die from the poison back then?!

How dare he covet the empress!

He wasn’t acting on his desires now only because he hadn’t seen her yet. Once he did, he definitely would— The old emperor quickly arrived at this conclusion and fumed.

【So tragic—vomiting, diarrhea, full-body convulsions. And being out in the mountains, there was no way they could carry him to a doctor in time.】

【But seeing how lively he is now, could it be that the Old Madam saved him, and that’s why he fell in love at first sight…? Wait, I think I guessed it right—HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh god, I’m laughing so hard! Help! This is the imperial court! Are they trying to make me die of laughter?!】

The others had no idea what Xu Yanmiao had seen. They only saw him suddenly lower his head, his shoulders shaking—clearly suppressing laughter.

And not just a chuckle.

A full-blown, uncontrollable laugh.

Xu Lang laughed for dozens of breaths but still didn’t satisfy the curiosity of those around him, making them so anxious they tapped their fingers impatiently.

Even his close friend, Lian Hang, stared at him with wide eyes, holding his breath.

Finally, after laughing his fill, Xu Lang thought to himself:

【The scholar traveling with Little Liang was a true genius. How did he come up with the idea of making Little Liang eat feces to detoxify himself?】

…What???

Lian Hang rubbed his ears hard.

Eat… eat feces to detoxify?!

One of the imperial physicians standing by in court silently gave a thumbs-up in his heart.

If there were truly no other options, inducing vomiting this way could indeed save a life—provided, of course, that the patient could overcome their own psychological barriers.

【The scholar even swore confidently that he had seen villagers do the same when they got mushroom poisoning. Said they recovered in no time and were hopping around like normal afterward. Hilarious! Little Liang refused to eat it no matter what, choosing to suffer through the pain instead.】

【Honestly, I’d hesitate too. That takes a lot of courage.】

Even the old emperor felt a fleeting moment of sympathy for Liang Youwen.

Well, he did survive. And… his courage was commendable. Fine, he wouldn’t punish him too harshly—after all, no woman would fancy a man who had eaten that.

Liang Rui had no idea what impolite thoughts were running through the emperor’s mind. His own eyes had turned slightly red.

He never knew… his son had suffered so much just to survive!

Perhaps that was why his temperament had become so unique.

【Hiss—】

【That was close!】

【If the passing Old Madam Weichi hadn’t stopped them, that scholar would’ve forced that stuff into Little Liang’s mouth! That was so close! Phew!】

【So this really was a life-saving favor… Wow!】

Xu Yanmiao marveled.

【After realizing Little Liang was poisoned by mushrooms, the Old Madam first instructed her maid to remove his shoes. Then, she crouched down and carefully examined the space between his second and third toes, pressing firmly with her fingers.】

【She wasn’t frantic, nor was she sluggish. Little Liang was completely entranced.】

【She even patiently reassured him, saying she had studied medicine and that there was nothing to fear.】

【Then, she ordered another maid to fetch warm water from the carriage. After Little Liang drank it, she washed her hands and used her fingers to stimulate his throat… It was still inducing vomiting, but much better than making him eat that.】

【She made him drink water and vomit repeatedly. Even as he grew dizzy and exhausted, he could still hear her steady voice giving orders: “Ride out of the mountains at once and buy medicine—ginseng, atractylodes, licorice, dried ginger, aconite, poria…”】

【She gave out instructions while calmly continuing to help Little Liang purge the poison.】

【Tsk tsk, so that’s how it is. This perfectly matches what Little Liang wants—someone gentle yet steady, experienced, and unflappable in the face of crisis. She’s completely his ideal type! Not to mention, he now owes her his life—well, his mouth’s life at least.】

【…Hmm, could this also be a case of the suspension bridge effect?】

The officials: What’s that?

Although they had no idea what Xu Yanmiao meant by “suspension bridge effect,” looking at Little Liang—wait, no, at Liang Rui’s son—it was clear that his admiration stemmed from being rescued at the brink of life and death.

To be fair, if someone saved them from being forced to eat feces, they’d probably fall for that person too.

Liang Rui: “…”

What was he supposed to do now?

Should he… push his son into a latrine pit, arrange for someone to calmly rescue him, and then induce vomiting?

Meanwhile, Liang Youwen, who was currently doubting whether his spicy and sour chicken feet weren’t enticing enough, was emptying out the savings he had accumulated over thirty years. He was preparing to learn a secret signature dish from a restaurant, but for some reason, he suddenly felt a chill run down his spine.

He strode out of his room, grabbed the handles of the iron wheelbarrow in the courtyard, and started pushing it with great effort.

“Some physical labor to warm up! Hoo—”

Listening to the iron-rimmed wheels creak against the frozen ground, Liang Youwen couldn’t help but smile.

Cooking with a wok required strength, and he had plenty of it! He would win Xu Lang’s favor!

The old emperor nearly shouted, What a spectacle!

Since his Empress was safe, he could now sit back and enjoy the show.

As for his mother-in-law… Honestly, the old emperor didn’t think she would take a young man seriously. Even if she heard about this, she would probably just laugh in disbelief.

Prime Minister Dou was even more composed.

Of course, his mother was charismatic, esteemed, and broad-minded. Any young fool—though technically in his thirties, he was still a young fool in Dou’s eyes—

Heh.

It was only natural for such a youth to be awed by her presence.

Besides, his mother had encountered countless talented young men in her lifetime. A grinning lad with a possible chipped tooth? He wouldn’t even register in her eyes. Nothing to be upset about.

Only Liang Rui was deeply troubled.

He began seriously considering whether he should discipline his son with a rod, implement food-based punishment, or just go ahead and push him into a latrine pit.

…Or maybe all three, just to see which worked best?