BPIFC -Volume 1 – Chapter 2 Cheqianzi

The man nodded repeatedly and thanked the old Taoist over and over again.

“It’s all thanks to you, Immortal Master. Otherwise, who knows how much worse things could have gotten for my unlucky wife. You’ve done us such a huge favor—how can I ever repay you…?”

“How else?” the old Taoist replied, rubbing his fingers together. “With money. Actual money.”

He continued:

“This incense offering isn’t for me. It’s for the gods back at the temple. Seeing that your family isn’t well off, I won’t ask for too much. Let’s just say… prepare one hundred thousand yuan as a token of gratitude.”

The man had been smiling up until that moment.

The instant he heard the demand for one hundred thousand yuan, his face twisted in misery.

He squatted down on the floor, hugged his knees, and said mournfully:

“Immortal Master, do you think I’m even worth one hundred thousand if you sold me? How about this—you call that Weasel Spirit back and let it possess me instead…”

“The problem’s solved, and now you’re playing poor and pretending to be dead?” the old Taoist snapped. “I’ve seen this trick countless times. Don’t try it on me!”

He was about to lose his temper, but after looking around and realizing this family truly had nothing worth squeezing, he recalculated and softened his tone.

“Fine. You tell me. What’s the most you can pay?”

The man frowned pitifully.

“We had a little money before, but we’ve spent it all these days on shamans and doctors for this good-for-nothing wife of mine. We’re still carrying over twenty thousand yuan in debt. Maybe I can borrow some from relatives… How about three hundred yuan for now?”

“I ask for one hundred thousand, and you offer three hundred? Even haggling doesn’t work like that! One price—eighty-eight thousand!”

“We’re poor! I even receive government assistance from the village. Three hundred and fifty is the most I can manage.”

“Don’t push your luck! Final offer—sixty-six thousand!”

“I’ve already gone all in! That’s it! Three hundred and eighty!”

“Fifty thousand!”

“Three hundred and eighty-five…”

After a wildly uneven bargaining session, the man finally managed to scrape together five hundred yuan.

He had a habit of borrowing money and rarely paying it back, so very few people were willing to lend to him. Even gathering five hundred yuan took quite some effort.

The money came in a small pouch filled mostly with crumpled small bills.

The largest denomination was twenty yuan, mixed with piles of one-yuan and fifty-cent notes.

The old Taoist, who had expected a much bigger payday, was thoroughly displeased.

After counting the money, he cursed nonstop as he led the child out of the house.

“Your family’s doomed! Just wait for karma to catch up with you!

This time it was a Yellow Immortal.

Next time it’ll be a Fox Immortal.

After that, a Hedgehog Spirit.

In a couple of years, your kid will be born looking like a pestle!”

The man had originally intended to see them off, but after hearing such vicious insults, he lost all interest and simply watched the master and disciple push their bicycle out through the gate.

The old Taoist angrily swung one leg over the bicycle and then pulled the child onto it.

Just as he was preparing to ride home, he noticed a Mercedes-Benz parked outside the gate.

There were no streetlights on the rural road, and the darkness made it impossible to see whether anyone was inside.

Thinking about how he and his young apprentice had spent the whole evening fighting demons, bluffing people, and only earned five hundred yuan—while still having to bicycle home in the middle of the night—he became increasingly irritated.

Why should someone else be relaxing in a luxury car while he had to work himself to death?

The more he thought about it, the angrier he became.

Unable to vent his frustration elsewhere, he took it out on the Mercedes.

He spat a thick wad of phlegm onto one of the headlights and cursed:

“God must be blind!

What kind of bastard gets to ride around in a car this nice?

You can tell at a glance that this money wasn’t earned honestly.

Your wife’s out there sleeping around while you sit at home making cuckold money!”

The old Taoist assumed the car was empty.

After cursing, he still wasn’t satisfied.

He walked up and kicked the front of the Mercedes.

The kick left a visible dent in the hood.

Just as he was preparing to kick it again, the headlights suddenly switched on.

Then the driver’s door opened.

A man more than two meters tall stepped out.

Dressed in a black suit, the giant walked to the front of the car and examined the phlegm on the headlight and the dent in the hood.

Then he reached out and grabbed the old Taoist, who was trying to sneak away on his bicycle.

“The spit,” the giant said calmly, “I’ll let that slide.”

“But this kick of yours…”

“We need to have a talk about that.”

The old Taoist priest hadn’t realized there was someone inside the car. When he saw the bicycle being grabbed by the man, he hurriedly turned around and shouted at the child:

“You little brat! Didn’t I tell you to sit still? Why were you sticking your leg out? Look, you’ve kicked someone’s car! Hurry up and apologize!”

After scolding the child, the old Taoist immediately put on a smile and said to the tall man:

“For my sake, don’t argue with a child. He bumped it by accident; it’s not like he meant to kick your car. You’re wealthy people with big families and businesses—surely you don’t care about this little bit of money.”

Having been scolded for no reason, the child looked furious. He glared at the old man and breathed heavily through his nose. However, since he had been raised by the old Taoist since childhood, he could only swallow his grievance.

The tall man wasn’t buying any of it. Pointing at the dent in the front of the car, he said:

“Cut the nonsense. If you don’t pay for the repairs today, neither of you is going anywhere. I’m not trying to rip you off—just one thousand yuan.”

“One thousand? Are you taking me for some ignorant old fool?” The old Taoist’s face instantly turned red. He dug a handful of crumpled bills out of his pocket and stuffed them into the man’s chest.

“This is all I’ve got…”

Before he could finish speaking, the rear door of the car opened. The chubby middle-aged man who had been watching the excitement through the window stepped out.

With a smile, he said to the tall man:

“Pojun, what are you doing? It’s just a dent. A kick is a kick no matter who made it. Look how badly you’ve frightened them.”

As he spoke, the fat man walked over to the old Taoist. After chuckling, his gaze shifted to the child sitting on the back seat of the bicycle.

He carefully examined the little boy, then pulled out a pack of Zhonghua cigarettes. Taking one out, he handed it to the old Taoist and said:

“I saw everything from the car window just now. Master, you’ve got some real skills. Your disciple chased away that weasel spirit in just a few moves. That’s far more impressive than the average spirit-medium.”

Seeing that the fat man seemed reasonable and had no intention of demanding compensation, the old Taoist finally relaxed.

With a grin, he accepted the cigarette and tucked it behind his ear.

“Just a few insignificant tricks. It’s because I, this Taoist master, value the virtue of sparing life and didn’t personally step in. Otherwise, with a single talisman, I could have invited the Supreme Lord Laozi himself…”

As the old Taoist talked animatedly, spittle flying everywhere, the fat man smiled and interrupted him:

“Of course, of course. I can tell at a glance that you’re no ordinary man. May I ask how you and your disciple are addressed? If I ever run into ghosts or spirits myself, where can I find you two for help?”

Hearing the possibility of new business, the old Taoist immediately put away his grin and assumed an air of immortal dignity.

“You have a sharp eye. Since you’ve already seen through me, I won’t hide it anymore. My Taoist name is Kong Dalong. I am actually the Third Prince of Emperor Chongzhen of the fallen Ming Dynasty. When I was just born, the rebel Li Zicheng was attacking the northern capital. My father, Emperor Chongzhen, cut off my sister’s arm with a sword and then tried to kill me so the whole family could die together for the nation.

“Fortunately, at that critical moment, my master—the Venerable Mother of Mount Li—descended into the mortal world, used divine powers to save me, and brought me to Zhongnan Mountain to cultivate…”

The fat man patiently listened to the old Taoist’s outrageous nonsense with a smile.

The story had reached the part where the old Taoist claimed he had met Bai Suzhen on Zhongnan Mountain when she came to steal the immortal lingzhi herb, when suddenly a cellphone rang.

The fat man took out his phone, listened for a moment, and said:

“What’s he doing in Yunnan? The Dead Man’s Pool of Miao territory… Fine, I’ll go there personally.”

After a brief conversation, he hung up and turned back to the old Taoist.

“What bad timing. Something came up at home, and I need to head back immediately. Here’s my business card. If you ever need anything, call this number directly. By the way, what’s your talented disciple’s name?”

The old Taoist accepted the card. Using the headlights of the Mercedes to read it, he saw the words:

Director Gao Liang
Bureau of Folklore Affairs Investigation and Research

While wondering what kind of organization such a bureau could be, he casually replied:

“My disciple’s Taoist name is Che Qianzi.”

Then he added:

“Who would’ve thought, boss, you’re actually a bureau director. Well, as it happens, I do have a small matter. This poor Taoist is planning to recast the golden statues of the Three Pure Ones. Perhaps you could…”

Before he could finish, the chubby Gao had already taken out a checkbook. He wrote an amount on a check, tore it off, and handed it to the old Taoist.

Smiling, he said:

“Remember, whatever happens, call this number.”

Watching the Mercedes disappear into the distance, the old Taoist still couldn’t quite believe what had happened.

By the glow of the taillights, he counted the zeros on the check.

“Ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, ten-thousands, hundred-thousands… Maybe I should get married and return to secular life… Son, remember to go stock up on chickens outside the village tomorrow morning.”

Meanwhile, inside the Mercedes, already far beyond the old Taoist’s sight, the tall driver glanced at the fat man in the rearview mirror and laughed.

“That old Taoist is something else. He named his disciple Che Qianzi. Doesn’t he know Che Qianzi is the name of a traditional Chinese medicinal herb? It’s a diuretic.”

“Che Qianzi…” the fat man murmured with a faint smile.

Then he turned his gaze toward the darkness outside the window.

Looking into the pitch-black night, he muttered to himself:

“Now that’s a real treasure.”