AYLS – Chapter 5 Hope Shattered

Seeing that Lin Qiao’s chest was still rising and falling, Gu Huayuan felt relieved. He took two steps closer. “Comrade Lin Qiao, are you feeling unwell? I’ll take you to the infirmary.”

“No need, the doctor can’t save me.” Lin Qiao’s voice was bleak.

It was truly bleak. She felt that the toilet just now was the last straw that broke her.

She couldn’t bear it anymore. Not even for one more day. Forget it—if she died, then so be it. It was better than living a life worse than death.

That damned game planner was really something. The game had only just started, and she had already surrendered.

But Lin Qiao didn’t think it was shameful. This kind of suffering—who could endure it?

“What exactly is wrong? Where do you feel uncomfortable? Tell me first.” Gu Huayuan asked patiently.

Only then did Lin Qiao turn her head to look at him. Those round, bright eyes stared straight at him for a moment. Suddenly, as if lit with brilliance, she shot upright. “Marriage!”

Gu Huayuan: “…”

“Yes, that’s right. We’re getting married immediately.” Lin Qiao felt that this sudden inspiration was her moment of clarity at last.

Why wait for death? Wouldn’t marriage solve everything?

When Gu Huayuan saw her bounce off the kang lively and full of energy, he knew perfectly well she was fine.

He turned away, ignored her, and went to set the food on the table. “Since you’re fine, come eat.”

But Lin Qiao was too excited to eat. Besides, she had just felt nauseous, so eating was the last thing she wanted. “No way. Marriage comes first. Right now, nothing is more important than getting married.”

Gu Huayuan sat at the table, not bothering with her. He picked up a black steamed bun and started gnawing on it, glancing at her as he ate.

“Say something. When are we getting married?” Lin Qiao sat across from him, staring at him with wide eyes.

Gu Huayuan swallowed the food and then asked, “Why the sudden rush to get married?”

“It’s not sudden. I came here for marriage in the first place.” Lin Qiao replied firmly.

“…” Even with all his thoughts and composure, Gu Huayuan found this difficult to handle.

He probably had never met such a straightforward and bold female comrade before.

He gave a soft cough. “Let’s eat first, we can talk afterward.”

Lin Qiao pouted in dissatisfaction. Talking about marriage yet still laying down conditions?

If this were real life, the moment she said she wanted to marry someone, wouldn’t people be lining up, waiting for their turn?

Sure enough, NPCs really had no vision.

Feeling wronged, she reached for the food. But the moment her hand stretched out, she froze.

She glanced at the dark steamed bun in Gu Huayuan’s hand, then at the two left on the plate on the table.

And that multicolored porridge made of coarse grains. Was that even porridge…?

Was this supposed to be food? Wouldn’t eating this upset her stomach? She really didn’t want to make another trip to the toilet right now.

Lin Qiao refused. And after just retching in disgust earlier, what she needed now was something appetizing to awaken her appetite.

Not something that would kill it.

That feeling of being hungry, yet still nauseous at the same time, made her pickier than usual.

She reminded him, “Actually, when people don’t feel well, they need to eat something tasty to recover faster.”

Gu Huayuan frowned immediately at her look of disgust. “This is all we have for lunch. You’re not used to it?”

From what he knew, many common people still didn’t have enough to eat. During the hard times last year, some even ate corn stalks ground into powder. Even sweet potato skins were considered precious.

Though Yuan’an wasn’t the worst-off place, it wasn’t much better either.

This Comrade Lin Qiao had worked in a capitalist’s household, but surely she didn’t expect to eat the same way as a capitalist family?

Even if the food didn’t taste good, most people wouldn’t despise it like this.

She didn’t seem like a servant from a capitalist family at all—more like the daughter of one.

Gu Huayuan’s heart sank.

Lin Qiao said, “Back at the Yuan’an guesthouse, they served me stir-fried vegetables with meat slices, egg drop soup, and scallion pancakes.” Her tone implied: you’re my fiancé, and this is all you’re giving me?

Gu Huayuan thought to himself—that was probably the highest standard of reception they had.

He quietly took a sip of coarse grain porridge, then pointed at the egg inside the dark bun. “You can at least eat this, right?”

Lin Qiao reluctantly said, “It’s okay.” In truth, she never liked boiled eggs much, feeling they lacked flavor. Unless they were braised—the chef at her home once made them with an aged master stock, so fragrant that she ate two in one go. People only realized the value of things after losing them. If she could have one now, she’d eat three.

Recalling that taste, she swallowed her saliva while delicately peeling the egg with orchid fingers.

After peeling, she ate the egg white and placed the yolk into the bun’s bowl. Smacking her lips, she finally tasted something familiar.

Maybe because she hadn’t eaten good food lately, even this boiled egg—something she usually disliked—tasted better than expected.

Then she looked longingly at Gu Huayuan again.

“There aren’t any more,” he said.

In fact, each person only got one egg a week.

With so many in the corps, eggs were a rare luxury. Usually they had to save up for days before eating one.

Most of the time, they were used for egg drop soup, shared among everyone.

Lin Qiao’s face showed disappointment. Just when she’d gotten a taste, it was already gone. That left her feeling stuck in between.

When Gu Huayuan saw her ignoring the yolk, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating that?”

“I don’t like it.” As a child, Lin Qiao had once choked on an egg yolk, and ever since then, she always felt like she was choking whenever she ate one.

It was the first time he’d seen someone eat eggs but not the yolks.

Gu Huayuan gave her a strange look, then calmly picked up the yolk from her bowl and ate it.

Lin Qiao: “…That was my leftover.”

It was the first time someone had eaten her leftovers, and she felt very uncomfortable.

Gu Huayuan drank some porridge. “Better than wasting it.”

Then he asked curiously, “So before this, you always threw the yolks away?”

“Of course… of course not.” Lin Qiao almost answered firmly, but luckily, her woman’s intuition kicked in just in time.

Still, it was obvious to Gu Huayuan that she couldn’t hide such little tricks from him.

At first, he thought she resembled a pampered capitalist’s daughter. But now, he thought even a capitalist family wouldn’t raise someone quite like this.

After eating a bit of egg white, Lin Qiao’s stomach seemed to awaken, and she felt hungrier. She asked, “What about dinner? Is there anything to eat in the afternoon?”

Gu Huayuan shook his head and pointed at what was left on the table. “Just this. Don’t know what we’ll have for dinner. But usually, lunch is our most plentiful meal.”

Hearing that, Lin Qiao’s eyes widened at the sight of the table. Her face was full of disbelief.

This? This counted as plentiful?

“Aren’t you a company commander?” A company commander eating like this? He was still a cadre, yet he ate worse than what she had at the county guesthouse.

And at that time, she had still been a suspected criminal.

Gu Huayuan said seriously, “In the People’s Liberation Army, everyone eats the same. Even the commander-in-chief in the capital eats like this.”

“…”

Lin Qiao couldn’t believe it. If officers lived like this, then what kind of life could a military officer’s fiancée expect?

Gu Huayuan finished his portion, then looked at the share on the table. “You really won’t eat?”

Lin Qiao hesitated, but in the end, hunger won out.

After all, she had finally glimpsed a chance at success. She couldn’t let herself starve. Once she succeeded and returned, she would eat properly.

Never again would she go on a diet.

She picked up a dark bun and took a small bite. It had no taste at all, dry as dust. When she swallowed, it scratched her throat. It wouldn’t go down. The sourness in her stomach hadn’t completely settled, and now waves of nausea rose again.

But spitting food out at the table was far too unseemly. She forced it down, though she gagged a few times.

Gu Huayuan: “…”

“I’m not eating anymore. I really can’t. I’m done.” Lin Qiao’s eyes turned red—whether from choking or from grievance, perhaps both.

Especially when she thought about how other officers and their fiancées were eating steak and watching movies, while she sat here with her military fiancé eating black steamed buns, she felt utterly wronged.

Right now, she really felt like every second was dragging like a year. She couldn’t stand another moment of this life. She wanted to go home. She swore that from now on, she would never waste food again. Every single meal, she would clean her plate spotless.

Gu Huayuan didn’t try persuading her to eat anymore. He simply took the leftovers and ate them himself.

As he ate, he studied Lin Qiao.

Lin Qiao sat quietly, waiting for him to finish the last mouthful of porridge, then immediately asked, “Now can we talk about marriage?”

Gu Huayuan stood up to clear the dishes. “It’s not time yet.”

“Then when will it be?” Lin Qiao asked hurriedly. “Tomorrow?” She could tolerate waiting one more day. She’d just treat it like dieting.

Gu Huayuan smiled at her. “At the very least, we’ll have to wait until you can eat without feeling like vomiting. Your health isn’t very good right now. Once you recover, we can talk about other things.”

“I’m perfectly healthy!” Lin Qiao protested unhappily.

“You’re the only person in the entire country who eats and then throws up. I’ve heard there’s a sickness called anorexia. Your symptoms are very similar,” Gu Huayuan said seriously.

Lin Qiao felt guilty. “That’s not my fault, it’s just that the food is too disgusting.”

“Is that so, Comrade Lin Qiao? By your standards, were you eating nothing but exotic delicacies before?”

“I…”

Lin Qiao suddenly remembered a newspaper she’d read. The whole country was under rationing… If she admitted it, wouldn’t that sound suspicious? “Of course not. We had rationing too! But the food didn’t taste this awful.”

That answer worked.

Gu Huayuan pressed his lips together, looked at her for a moment, then nodded. “Maybe the cooks in our canteen just don’t make tasty food. Tomorrow, when I go to the county, I’ll buy some rations for you. You can cook for yourself.”

Lin Qiao: “……” This big villain was too much!

When Gu Huayuan left with the dishes, Lin Qiao turned to the Fat Cat. “If I can’t change accounts, can I at least change my fiancé?”

Fat Cat: “……”

Outside, Gu Huayuan borrowed water from the neighbors to wash the dishes.

Here, water still had to be fetched by hand. He’d been busy all day and hadn’t stored any, not even enough for washing dishes.

Captain Wang’s wife said, “Comrade Lin Qiao must be really sick. Otherwise, why would she make you come out to wash dishes?”

As a traditionally minded woman, she firmly believed that kitchen work and dishwashing were women’s duties. As long as a woman could still get out of bed, she shouldn’t let men worry about such things. Otherwise, what was the point of coming all the way here? So she concluded that Lin Qiao must be so ill she couldn’t get out of bed.

Gu Huayuan explained, “She gets carsick badly. She didn’t eat a single bite of food. She’s lying in bed now. I’ll go to the clinic later to get her some medicine.”

“I knew it, it must be serious,” Captain Wang’s wife said at once. “I’ve got some plums at home. Let her eat some to ease it.”

“How could I accept that? Those are Xiaohuzi’s snacks.”

“That brat can eat less. It won’t kill him,” she said, and went inside to wrap up a few plums.

Gu Huayuan thanked her, tucked the plums into his pocket, and then returned to Lin Qiao’s room. He set the plums on the table without saying anything to her, and left again.

Lin Qiao, still lying in bed, cracked her eyes open at the sound, glanced over, and then closed them again.

Her only thought now was: move less, eat less, go to the toilet less.

…

In the office, Gu Huayuan was reading over the latest land reclamation plan.

Li Wentian asked, “How’s it going with her? I heard she’s especially pretty.”

“We’ve barely interacted in this short time,” Gu Huayuan replied. Then he recalled the events at lunch and smiled. “Let me tell you a joke. She said the capitalist family she used to work for had a daughter who only ate egg whites. She’d throw the yolks away.”

Li Wentian immediately choked on his tea. “Cough cough cough! Just that kind of behavior would get her shot. No wonder she ran. Better that she did—saves us from wasting food on her.”

Gu Huayuan nodded. “You’re right.”

That afternoon, Lin Qiao, still fighting nausea, couldn’t hold it anymore and went to the toilet again. By the time she came back, there wasn’t even sour water left for her to throw up.

Weakly wiping her tears, she said, “I give in!”

“Isn’t it just that I have to eat before we can get married? Fine! I’ll eat, okay?”

As she spoke, she sniffled—and caught a whiff of something sweet and sour. The smell was coming from the paper bag on the table.

She quickly opened it and found sour plums inside.

Although they were crudely made, they were still snacks. For someone whose mouth had no taste, this was like a surprise gift.

Lin Qiao quickly popped one into her mouth. The sweet-sour flavor eased her heart a little, and she thought maybe he wasn’t that bad, since he’d even thought to get her snacks.

But then she suddenly realized, horrified, “This is terrible. I’ve been bought off by a few plums. If I stay here any longer, I won’t even have a shred of dignity left.”

Later that afternoon, after finishing work, Gu Huayuan brought over a bowl of some mushy dish.

Lin Qiao, without hesitation, grabbed the bowl and, holding back tears, forced herself to drink several mouthfuls of the strange-tasting porridge.

Gu Huayuan said, “Your appetite’s much better now.”

Lin Qiao wiped her eyes. “I’m fine now. So when are we getting married?”

Gu Huayuan: “……”

After a pause, he set the bowl and chopsticks down, looked at her seriously, and asked,

“Comrade Lin Qiao, I don’t think you have feelings for me. If that’s the case, why are you so determined to marry me?”

Lin Qiao thought bitterly, Is this even my choice? But out loud, she answered, “Aren’t we an engaged couple? Shouldn’t we get married?”

Gu Huayuan said, “This is the new society. We believe in free love and marriage. Of course, I respect the marriage my mother arranged for me. But I believe that we need to get to know each other, and develop a foundation of feelings first, before we make such an important decision.”

“Don’t tell me… you don’t actually want to marry me.”

Was she being rejected?!

It felt like being struck by lightning.

Lin Qiao, who always believed herself to be loved wherever she went, couldn’t accept the fact that someone would actually dislike her.

Gu Huayuan shook his head. “I just think we still need some time to get along. This is being responsible toward marriage.”

Lin Qiao collapsed weakly onto the table, waving her hand. “We can’t get along anymore.” If they kept “getting along” like this for a few more days, she would be completely finished.

“You have to give me an exact time, otherwise I… I won’t be able to hold on.” Lin Qiao rested her chin on the table, her expression filled with hopeless despair.

As the saying goes, looking at plums can quench thirst. But now, she couldn’t even see the plums anymore—Lin Qiao felt she might just die of thirst.

Gu Huayuan still shook his head. “Sorry. I’ll stick with my original opinion.”

Lin Qiao: “…!!!” So, she had been tricked!

She had already steeled herself, endured, and swallowed down that throat-scraping food, and yet this man still went back on his word. This game’s boss was clearly set on forcing her to death.

Lin Qiao couldn’t hold it back anymore—her lips trembled, and golden teardrops rolled down one after another. She accused him, “Liar! You said if I ate properly, you’d talk seriously about marriage with me. Liar!”

Her big, red-rimmed eyes looked pitiful and aggrieved.

Gu Huayuan: “…” After a moment of thought, he stood up, picked up his bowl and chopsticks, and left the room. Before going, he reminded her, “Rest early tonight. I’ll bring you food tomorrow morning. If anything happens, you can find Sister-in-law Wang next door.”

Lin Qiao didn’t even want to look at him. Big liar!

Gu Huayuan didn’t say anything else, just closed the door and left.

When he first learned of this arranged marriage, he hadn’t rejected the idea. In his work unit, it wasn’t uncommon for people to marry through introductions. Affection could be cultivated over time.

But before truly understanding and adjusting to each other, he wasn’t ready to accept this marriage.

Especially since this Lin Qiao before him had far too many suspicious aspects. Until he clarified everything, there was no way he could talk about marriage.

Even if, after investigation, she turned out to be fine, Gu Huayuan still felt they would first need time to adjust to each other.

His father and stepmother’s marriage had taught him that in marriage, one absolutely could not just “make do.”

When his mother passed away, he had been only eight years old. Life with just two men in the house had been a complete mess. It was then that his stepmother, Zhang Wenjuan, was introduced to his father.

One wanted someone to rely on, the other wanted someone to take care of the household—and so they settled together.

But soon enough, they realized how unsuitable they were.

Clashes in thoughts and values were constant. His father even began avoiding home, preferring to sleep in the command office instead.

Quarrels and cold wars—these were Gu Huayuan’s deepest impressions of that marriage.

He felt that if he married Lin Qiao, their married life would be no better than that. That was unacceptable.

As for his earlier idea of arranging something else for her if they didn’t work out—like finding her a job or introducing her to someone more suitable—he wasn’t thinking about that anymore.

For now, he only wanted to investigate thoroughly, and then carefully go through the process of adjustment.