AUBTN -Chapter 318 I’ll Trust You Once More

“You can punish me however you want. Hit me, scold me—anything! That day I was out of my mind, I was possessed! Everything I said was nonsense! But please… don’t talk about divorce anymore, okay? I can’t take it. I really can’t…”

Listening to his near-begging explanation by her ear, feeling his arms trembling violently as he held her, Yu Qing did not push him away.

She allowed herself to stay in his embrace.

She listened to his frantic heartbeat, like pounding war drums.

And suddenly, she understood why she had been so angry.

“Lu Yan…” Her voice was hoarse, thick with a heavy nasal tone.

“You think I was only angry about that one sentence?”

Lu Yan froze all over. He didn’t dare speak, only tightened his hold on her even more.

Yu Qing closed her eyes, letting her tears soak into the fabric of his chest.

“In this damn place, I have no parents, no family. Other than Wanwan, I am a complete outsider. Every day I’m acting—I pretend I’ve adapted well…”

She choked on her words.

“It’s you! You made me feel like staying here might actually be okay. I treated you as my only reliance in this world. I even valued you more than my own life!”

“So even if it was just a careless sentence from you, even if you only showed a little bit of indifference toward me… it makes me panic terribly! I feel like my world is collapsing!”

Lu Yan listened to her confession, and tears also began to fall uncontrollably.

“It’s my fault…” His voice was hoarse beyond recognition, his heart aching as if being torn apart.

“I deserve to die. How could I not understand your fear? I swear, I will never do it again. I’ll never say anything that hurts you again!”

He rested his chin on the top of her head.

“Qingqing, you are my life too. These days when you ignored me, every single day felt like a year.”

“I sat in the prison of the Imperial Guards, looking at those criminals, and felt like I was even more miserable than them.”

“When you didn’t look at me, when you didn’t smile at me, I felt that this position as Commander of the Embroidered Uniform Guard, this title of a king, even this life of mine—all of it meant nothing at all!”

He paused, then lifted her tear-stained face and forced her to meet his bloodshot eyes.

“Don’t leave me.”

Looking at this man who had fallen so low into the dust for her, Yu Qing suddenly felt a surge of sorrow.

Staring into his eyes, she suddenly asked:

“Lu Yan, do you know why I was angry?”

He froze, then shook his head in confusion.

Through her tears, Yu Qing forced out a bitter smile.

“Because I realized… I think I’ve fallen deeply in love with you.”

Lu Yan’s pupils dilated instantly, disbelief filling his eyes, followed by overwhelming joy.

But before that joy could fully bloom, her next words were like a bucket of ice water poured from head to toe.

“But I don’t want this at all!”

She suddenly pushed him slightly away, her tears falling even harder, her emotions spiraling out of control.

“I don’t want to love you more than you love me! I want to stay rational!”

“I’ve been reminding myself all along—I’m not one of those women in this world who grew up brainwashed by books like Lessons for Women and Inner Admonitions! I don’t belong in this kind of inner courtyard life!”

“I can’t share a husband with other women. I can’t compete, scheme, and fight to the death for a man’s favor!”

Yu Qing stared at him, her eyes filled with the despair and struggle of a modern independent woman trapped in a patriarchal era.

“I’m scared! Lu Yan, I’m terrified!”

“I’m afraid you say you love me now, but three or five years later you’ll grow tired of me, and just like other men here, you’ll naturally bring back ten or eight concubines!”

“Then what am I supposed to do? Compete with them? Turn into a jealous, ugly, resentful woman?”

She covered her face, sobbing uncontrollably.

“I kept telling myself I could always leave, that I still had the courage and confidence to walk away anytime. But… but when you said that sentence, I finally realized in despair that I can’t do it at all anymore! I can’t leave you!”

“I pretend to be carefree more and more, but I only end up more miserable! Lu Yan, tell me—what am I supposed to do? What am I really supposed to do!”

Every accusation she cried out slammed hard into the depths of Lu Yan’s soul.

Only then did he finally understand what she had meant when she ranted drunkenly at Wenxiang Tower.

She didn’t truly want another man. She was afraid.

Afraid of the privileges men were granted in this era. Afraid of losing herself within this heavy, suffocating kind of love.

His heart ached unbearably.

Lu Yan pulled the nearly broken-down Yu Qing back into his arms.

He shook his head repeatedly, his voice breaking as he tried to explain, “No! No! Qingqing, look at me!”

He forced her face up, as if swearing the most solemn oath before the gods.

“There won’t be any concubines! Never! Lu Yan—me—this lifetime, the next, even if I go to the ends of the earth or the underworld, there will only ever be you, Yu Qing, as my wife!”

“You’re so good, so alive and bright—how could I ever bear to let you get trapped in a back courtyard fighting with other women? How could I ever let any woman other than you come even half a step closer to me?”

Lu Yan stared at her deeply, his eyes surging with overwhelming affection.

“You should believe me, Qingqing…”

But then he let out a bitter laugh, his face full of self-reproach and regret.

“No. I’m sorry. I’m a bastard. I was the one who destroyed your trust in me with my own hands. It’s all my fault. I didn’t give you enough security, which is why you keep overthinking everything every day.”

He took a deep breath and pressed his forehead against hers. Their noses touched, their breaths mingling.

“You said you wanted the confidence to leave me at any time…”

Lu Yan closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were clear and resolute.

“Alright. I’ll give it to you.”

His voice was low and steady, every word landing with weight.

“If I ever make you angry again, or say something that hurts you…”

“Just write me a divorce letter and dismiss me.”

“If you slap that letter on my face, I won’t cling to you. I’ll send you off just as I married you—grandly, properly, and without regret. Alright?”

Yu Qing was completely stunned by his shocking words.

In this era, where men could casually discard wives, an all-powerful prince actually handed over the right of divorce to her.

And not only that—he would even give her a grand farewell?

Her tear-soaked lashes trembled. Her thoughts suddenly took a strange turn, and she blurted out, “You… you mean like a divorce party?”

The atmosphere, which had just been at its most emotional and tragic peak, froze instantly.

Lu Yan stared at her, dumbfounded.

“W-what… what is that?”

The high-and-mighty commander of the imperial guards looked, for the first time, genuinely and purely confused.

Seeing his blank expression, Yu Qing couldn’t help it—she burst out laughing and crying at the same time.

“Nothing.”

She sniffed, looking into his eyes—those unfeigned emotions of love and panic finally melting away the last of the ice in her heart.

Slowly, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Lu Yan… can I really trust you one more time?” she asked softly, her voice cautious and tentative.

Lu Yan held her tightly, his voice gentle.

“Don’t listen to what I say. Watch what I do from now on, alright?”

Yu Qing looked at him for a long time. Finally, she buried her face into his neck and nodded.

“Alright, Lu Yan. I’ll trust you one more time.”